When Answers to Prayer are No | Ep 138

Welcome to another episode of I Refresh. And we were talking on this prayer series, all things about prayer, with incredible scriptures with my friends, Carrie Gingar, Veronica Scott, and I'm Cheryl Clare. And it's so much fun to be with you ladies. I was just thinking, I've known you all for years. And what I love about being friends with someone for a long, long time, especially as sisters in the Lord, is just to see how we've grown in the Lord, but also to just see how we've stayed the course. And that is not to give—to puff any of us up, but it's to say we've surrounded ourselves with people who have sometimes had to give us courage from the Lord when we've needed it, right? Absolutely. And to remind us of who we are in the Lord. Yeah. And so when I look at you ladies, I see these amazing women of faith. So thank you for standing in the gap for me over the years, because I've needed it from time to time. And we could say the same for you. I mean, that's the beauty of having the sisterhood in Christ, is knowing that you have people to call when you need help, and when you need prayer, or when you just need encouragement. You know, there are times when the voice that you're listening to is not healthy and it's not giving you good things. But you can call your friend and she can say, that's a lie. You know, I see this in you. I see this. I see God doing this for you. And just that encouragement can change your whole outlook. You know, isn't that interesting too when you think about healthy relationships? Yes. You know, sometimes we have people who like to poke and tell us what we're not good at. And I'm like, those are the kind of friends that we've had in our lives. We're like, okay, maybe we don't need to have as much quality time with them. Right. Because it takes a lot to get ourselves built back up to the Lord of, okay, Lord, can you tell me, Lord, do I need to correct something in my life? Yes. And I'm willing to be submissive to the Lord. But then sometimes you feel like you're getting broken down versus built up. And that's why I love what you were saying, Veronica, is you're building each other up in the things of the Lord. I think the Lord is so good that even when he says he disciplines us, that is painfully good. I think there's a, I know there's a scripture somewhere. I'm not sure where it is, but encourage one another and build each other up, which is what, which is what community in the Lord does. I was reading this morning, and you know how sometimes a verse will just stand out to you and go, you know, I'll, I know I've read this many times before, but the Lord just spoke something fresh to me. Psalm 138.3 says, As soon as I pray, you answer me. You encourage me by giving me strength. And what I was thinking, I was just reminded how sometimes we'll have these two lists going in our head. We'll have answered prayer, or this is what answered prayer, unanswered prayer. And the Lord says, kind of corrected me this morning. And he said, when you pray, if I believe this, as soon as I pray, you answer me. So when I pray, I have an answer. Right, wow. So let's talk about that for a minute. I don't know if we live it that way. I'm going to say I don't live it that way. I don't either, Cheryl. So that's where I'm like. But see, I'm reminded of a story in Daniel. When Daniel went to the Lord in prayer and his answer was sent right away, but he was tied up in the heavenly. Yes. Fighting with the Prince of Persia. Yes, right. And so, but what does that scripture tell us? That he continued to pray. Absolutely. And what did that do? It sent Michael, the archangel, to help the battle and free Gabriel, the messenger, up so he could come down and give Daniel the answer. But then what did he say? He said, I have to go back now. and finish the battle because it's still going on. So that scripture right there, that story of Daniel, gives me so much hope on those days when I am saying, Lord, I really need a breakthrough in this area. Then I don't lose hope because I know Daniel taught us Continue to pray. That's so, so good. The answer is coming. And maybe we don't see what's going on in the heavenlies. We don't see the battle that's raging around us. But he is fighting it on our behalf. But what I love that you said, and that is in scripture, is that he did get an answer. He did. So it wasn't the complete, you know, X, Y, Z all down the road. But there was an answer. And even just knowing when... I can remember times to be frustrated back in the day before cell phones, right? When you're calling, calling, calling, and you can't get a hold of somebody, you don't know where they are. But to know that when we call upon the Lord in prayer, He does answer us. But like you said, sometimes it's an immediate yes. Yes. As a good mom, sometimes when your kids, when they were little, would ask for ice cream, absolutely, let's go get ice cream. Other times at 1030 at night, you were like, no. Yes, right. But my heart of love was the same whether the answer was no or whether the answer was yes or whether the answer was not today, but in the future. Right. Not today, but three days from now, whatever that would be. But you have to think about, even as we, as parents and then children, is when you say no to them, it's not the last time you're going to hear them ask you for the same thing. That's right. Or if they go to dad, they're going to now go to mom, because they're waiting for the yes. Right. And I think, don't we do that with God? Yes, we do. Because I've tried to get corrected by the Lord. It's like, okay, if I'm praying something, I'm praying over my kids over something— And I don't see the answer, but it's how I formulated my brain. As I'm saying it, I have an image of what I'm seeing, right? I'm speaking those things. I'm trying to find every scripture off the top of my head and goes towards that. But, you know, God is probably answering it, but not the way I formulated my head. So I'm going to keep on asking him. And then to the point, there's times I get so frustrated. I'm like, Lord, how long am I going to wait for you to do like this? lately of, okay, Lord, correct me, because you're doing something, but maybe it's just not the way I look. And how many times has anything God's answered ever looked the way we imagine when we were praying for it? Absolutely. Well, so this kind of, as I was reading this verse today out of Psalm 138, I then was thinking how when Saul pleaded, with the Lord three times. It says in 2 Corinthians 12, eight through 10, that whole story of how Paul, we don't know what that thorn in his side was, but he pleaded at three different times. Was that three times right in a row? Was that three times over years or months? We don't know, but we know that Paul said, I pleaded. That's not even an ask. That's a, there's an urgency, a desperation to that. He pleaded with the Lord three times. And the Lord's answer was not to take it away, but what? My grace is sufficient for you. So that brings me back to Psalm 138. As soon as I pray, you answer. You encourage me by giving me strength. So somehow, even in the no to Paul, right? He left encouraged and strengthened, even though that thorn in his side was still there because the grace of the Lord was gifted to him in that. So that doesn't preach like all in a pretty little bow and basket. But what it does for me to say, let's keep asking. Let's keep praying. Because... The Lord, there's other times that like King Hezekiah prayed and asked for healing and he got 15 more years. We're told to pray and to ask. But when we get a no, it's not because the Lord doesn't love us. And it's not because he's like, nope, you go suffer. It was my grace is sufficient. So somehow, even when the answer isn't exactly what we thought, when we're being a woman of prayer, We somehow are receiving strength and we're receiving encouragement from him. You're not going to just tell your child no and then leave him alone for days on end. You're going to be checking in on him. You're going to be watching over them. You're going to be still giving them good gifts, even though maybe this answer was no. Don't you think so? I mean, I think the no's in our life is down the road sometimes. I think it's so nice that the Lord actually shows us why. Later on, you're like, oh, thank you. You didn't answer my prayer the way I, in my mind, intended for you to answer it. Because I'm like, whew, thank you. He knows all things. He's so wise. I think that gives me more encouragement in the days ahead or when I've prayed other times. I'm like, okay. is not holding on tight to the point where I'm trying to manipulate God. Yes. He cannot be manipulated. And that's what I think of. Exactly. You know, and what I love about what you just shared is the fellowship. Yes, Veronica. That we did after the no. No. Just like we have fellowship with our children. You know, when you tell your children, no, you don't cut off communication with them. Absolutely. Put them in the room until, you know, you're ready. You continue to have fun together. You continue to get through the day doing whatever you need to do. That fellowship is still there. And that's what I'm hearing with that scripture. And I love that is that there's still fellowship. There's still opportunity for us to grow. And then, like you said, Cheryl, sometimes we find out, now I understand why it didn't happen the way I wanted or the way I thought. Because what's the Bible say? His ways are higher than our ways. I was just thinking that. Yes. Amen. Yes. He does now. And he does have... good gifts for us. I think often, Cheryl, there are so many gifts the Lord has for you. Veronica, there's so many gifts the Lord has for you. I don't have to worry about missing out. There are just so many wonderful, good things that He has for us that even when— I'm experiencing a no, and you might be experiencing a yes in the very thing I'm praying for. I can still trust that the Lord has good gifts for me. It's not like, oh, all those have been given out to Veronica. There's none left for you or Cheryl, Carrie. So bad. That's so good, though. I mean, heaven is just beyond full of the glory and the goodness of the Lord and the gifts of the Lord are without reproach. There's so much more, I think, that we can tap into and tune into. Right. even in the midst of the one little thing that we get caught up in that we're like, I want a yes, I want a yes, I want a yes in this area. That's the thing that can help to break the relationship. You know, when you're talking about that fellowship that we can have with the Lord, it can be something when we are not yielded to the Lord, we're going to miss out. Right. I think when you're talking about that, Carrie, it makes me think about the times when then when you see somebody... what you're praying for. They have what you're praying for. And it's an opportunity for me either to celebrate them, what God's done for them, or what would be the other thought we might want to have? Yeah, we don't want to get into ourselves and pity me, poor me, because who does that sound like? That's the enemy. Yeah. That's saying, oh, you know, you poor thing. You should have had that. Then we get into jealousy. We get into envy. Yes. All the things that are the fruit of the enemy. Instead of what does the Lord tell us to do? Be strong and be encouraged. Your time's coming. Yeah. And that's such a promise. That's so good. And I think we do have to really watch what those times when we're still waiting for certain aspects. Because like you said, Carrie, We don't know. Sometimes he comes in layers and time frames because he is working out. You know, even in Veronica, you're saying there's spiritual warfare going on. There's things happening. Yes. And it's that continually, I think when we can confess the word and be encouraged, the Lord does encourage us. There's times when you're like, he gives you hope. I mean, there's a measure of hope. I believe the Lord helps us to continue to believe. And I think one of the great things we can do, and we've talked about in another episode, is giving thanks to the Lord. Oh, yes. We stir up to our remembrance the things that he's already done. Yes. To continue to have faith for what we're standing for. Yes. So that, you know, whatever God says, you know, we've done the even if. Right. You know, we've done, we've spoken on those things, even if I still will choose to love and to serve and have that fellowship with the Lord because he knows all things and we can hope for all things. But ultimately he knows better than I do. And I think it's where we need to stop holding on that grip to where I'm going to trust you. Yes. And I think that's the best place for us to have our heart is an attitude of trust you, Lord. I don't understand. And there's times I've just had to pray that. Right. Right. And then you can feel so heartbroken. Something didn't happen the way you had. There was an answer, like you said, Carrie, but it's heartbreaking sometimes. And I've just had to say those things, Lauren. I trust you when this hurts now. This answer hurts. And I think all of us, we've had, you know, our hearts have been broken. And that's where that tenderness, if we are continually in relationship with the Lord, right? He meets us in that time and he ministers to us. And there's where it's such a, like the hardest times in my life, I welcome those now when I look back as I never would be where I am with the Lord had I not had those hard moments with just me and the Lord so that I can see and understand him from a whole different outlet that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't gone through these trials. Well, and really we can come alongside others. in faith, in prayer, when we know, when we've journeyed with the Lord, even in the midst of disappointment and still have His grace. Right. If we... There's not a great understanding for others when we get everything we want exactly at the right time. And well, let me back up. There is a right time, but exactly at the time we want. Right. Somebody was giving me an example the other day. They said, you know, like, you don't want to eat raw chicken. You don't want to have. So, you know, even waiting on a meal to there's a there's a perfect time to take something out of the oven. You know, and depending upon the size of your turkey, like at Thanksgiving, you're like, okay, eight pounds, that's this many. Well, if you've got a 15-pounder, you're going to have to cook it longer than the eight-pounder, right? Right. So just even that to trust the Lord. Lord, you're timing on things. I don't want something that's going to make me sick. I don't want something that is not going to bear good fruit. Right. I want the ripe time. for some of these prayers to be answered. That's so good. Absolutely. And I'm thinking about what you said, Cheryl, because what you just explained is it takes the manipulation out of it. Yes. When we trust the Lord and we trust his timing, now we're not manipulating God to do what we want, how we want, when we want. You know, a lot of times, even as Christians, we think we're praying, we think we're being spiritual, but we're entering into a manipulation. This is how I want it. And this is when I want it. And that is manipulating. And then we're not letting God be God. Well, what it does is stirs up anger. Stirs up. I look at a lot of people, maybe not even church anymore. Right. You're upset about something. Right. Like, okay, what is... There's a reason. It's either the offense, but it's also you're just angry with God. Right. Yes. And, you know, maybe sometimes you just got to realize that, you know, that anger is not causing you. It's breaking the relationship that God's trying to cause us to have a place of surrender to me be in my word understand who I am and who my character is because sometimes I also my mom would always say God is more concerned about my character than he is about giving me whatever I'm praying for yes I'm like oh that's painful I'm like he really is when he's doing things it is it's Forming his character in me. Absolutely. And so sometimes that no is the most healthiest thing for me. Yes. When I look down the road of seeing, wow, you know, Carrie, it's like that growth we talk about. Over time, I would prefer if there's anything would keep me where I lose that closeness of the Lord, I'd rather not ever have it. That's right. And the Lord knows us. He knows our heart's intentions. We can say all kinds of stuff, but it says he knows. He does. You know, I think when you go into marriage, you're like, wow, I didn't realize how selfish I was till I get married. And then when you have children, you're like, yeah, I still am very selfish. The Lord is using all these relationships to help to conform me more into his likeness. Yes. That's so good. That is such a good word. It truly is. Well, I love Paul continues here in 2 Corinthians 12. He says, Therefore, I can boast all the more gladly about my weakness, because Christ's power rests on me. Because when his grace is sufficient for us, his word says, For his power then is made perfect in weakness. So I don't know about you, but I don't go boasting about my weaknesses very often. Right. Right. That's really otherworldly. That's not a way to succeed. That's not in the business manual of what to do. Go boast about your weaknesses. Right. But yet his kingdom is just so different where Paul, again, we don't know what that thorn in the flesh was, but he didn't have to hide it. Right. He could say, hey, I can still... preach the word. I can still pray. I can still mentor. I can still write. I mean, he wrote over half of the New Testament, right? Paul didn't, we don't know exactly, you know, the timing on this, but he did not allow that answer of it being a no. He did not allow that to then keep him from the call of God in his life. Good point. And so envy, comparison, bitterness, offense, I think what that does, Shirley, you're talking about that, it then gets us off course. Uh-huh. And then we're going down a course that's just not fruitful. And when we can say, oh, Jesus, I'm going to trust you. Yes. I'm going to trust that your grace is sufficient. I'm going to trust that even when I feel weak. Uh-huh. Your power is strong in me. And almost then what happens is we get to glorify Jesus more than we can glorify ourselves. And that's exactly how he wants it. Because at the end of the day, I'm always going to disappoint if someone is looking at me to be the perfect strength, the perfect protection, the perfect whatever. But when I can step back and allow Jesus to his strength to shine forth, it's beautiful. Yeah. That's such a good word. And that's, you know, it's important because when we're in the midst of the battle, we don't understand that part of it. And to be able to look aside and instead of being so self-focused on what we're doing and what we're experiencing. And like we said earlier, pity, poor pitiful me. Instead, looking past that and seeing what is God doing in the midst. I love what you said about character. Such an important thing. Because our character is so much more important than our answer. No matter what we're praying and believing for, the character is what's going to be with us. And I think when we can look back in some of the times of the wrestling and prayer for things or even, again, I don't want to use the word disappointment, but the things not turning out exactly how we thought. I've been married now for 35 years, but when I was in college, my senior year of college, I went through a broken engagement. Yeah. I'm going to tell you, there's not a year that goes by that I don't—not that I'm not thinking about that time, but I go, oh, Lord, thank you. Yes. Thank you for that no. Thank you that that did not turn out the way I thought it was going to. Because this 35 years with my husband now has been fruitful and wonderful and just what the Lord had in mind for me. Yes. But in that moment— Mm-hmm. There was pain and there was disappointment. But I'll tell you what, talking about perseverance, in that moment, I remember being outside of my dorm room because my roommate had student teaching and so she had to be up early. So I'd come home late at night and I'd get out the Word and just be out there in the hallway and just pouring my heart out to the Lord in disappointment. But getting in his word. And so my character was forged in that time. And there were things that were, there were lines in the sand drawn in that time that wouldn't have happened without a little bit of that pain. And I'm not saying God did not cause that pain, but he used it. to forge that character in me. And so I'm grateful for that no over 40 years ago now. And now looking back, what you see is the no opened the way for the yes. Yes. And sometimes we don't always look at it like that. We just see the no and then we get stuck in the no. Sometimes we need to look for, okay, Lord, you said no here. Where's the yes? Yes. Absolutely. That's so powerful. You know, I think, though, too, as we're closing this, is what is it that you're walking through and you're praying and you're believing for things is God's given an answer, as Carrie's mentioned. He's given us answers. Yes. And sometimes we don't want to take those answers. But really trust the Lord in the days ahead. Go to the Word. Find a place where whatever you are meditating on and you're praying those things with Scripture is— is ask the Lord to show you how to rest in Him, how to trust, how to find that strength. If you don't fully understand it, it's about constantly being in the Scripture, asking the Holy Spirit to teach you and show you those things so that maybe there is a no. But trust. We've been around for a while. We've learned that we're grateful sometimes that those no's, just like Veronica said, the no set us up for the yeses. So good. He's got such great things for you. for the yes.