EP 99 Serving Those With Special Needs - Molly Ziriax

And you had mentioned, you know, how do we do this? And I think we start by acknowledging that those with a disability are just like you and I. Welcome to iRefresh, where we talk about the power of prayer and God's Word. Welcome, my name is Maggie Bond and I am a friend of the iRefresh community and I'm so excited to host my very first session with iRefresh. And here today I have Molly Zurichs. She is an incredibly special guest, but even more so because we have something that bonds us together, and that is that we have loved ones who live with disabilities. Molly, do you wanna talk a little bit about your connection? So thank you so much for having me. And we've been connected, I think, through a way that many people don't have that connection. I do have a daughter that has special needs. She has Down syndrome. I don't let that define who she is, because first of all, she's a beautiful girl. And it's so nice to meet you and to kind of hear your passion. So I'm excited for today. Me too, me too. And my personal connection is that I have two brothers that live on the autism spectrum, Tyler and CJ. So Tyler lives with Asperger's and CJ lives with moderate to high functioning autism spectrum disorder. So Molly and I have a very unique perspective on how we viewed our loved ones throughout our lives. Of course, Molly has a daughter and I have siblings, but we both have seen how they interact in society and culture, but especially in school and in the church. And so, Molly, talk a little bit about your experiences with your daughter in the church. Yeah, well... Morgan, from the beginning, first of all, it was unexpected. It was an unexpected journey and one that, of course, we didn't plan, wouldn't have planned for us, but it didn't make it wrong. It was different, but God has truly showed us unconditional love through Morgan, and I wouldn't change a thing about her. the navigating the school system, the church. We've had some great experiences. We've had some times we've had opportunities to really share with others about who Morgan is and how she deserves the same opportunities that My other two children have. We've had a great opportunity to include her in the classroom, her elementary school years. But coming into that middle school, high school, it's a little bit different. And I feel like the church is a leading body to share with the church body how to love each other. And Morgan doesn't need any different love than my other two girls. Absolutely. And that's the thing is the church is so central to, I mean, the whole premise of who God is, is love and unity and bringing people together for a common cause. And sometimes, I mean, in our experiences, I believe you have the same with Morgan. But with my brothers, you know, we've seen them left out. before in school, maybe even in church functions too. And so obviously we know God's heart is the same for them as it is for everybody else. And so how do you think we can be better stewards of God's love for this community and the church? Because that's the heart of what we want to get at today, is how we can better be servants of this demographic in the church. Yeah, I think just providing the opportunities within the church. And some churches do a really great job. We've been involved in some that have been very great in providing a program or buddies. Because not only does it provide for, like, my daughter, but it gives the opportunity for Someone else to be that person to her. And they, in turn, get to learn what the world is made of, because the world is made of all abilities, all sorts of people. And when we don't include that in the church body, then we're leaving that out. We're leaving what Jesus has told us to love each other. And I think that I have had friends that haven't been able to go to church, that wanted to, but they felt like their son or daughter just maybe had too much behavior, or they felt bad because it was putting an undue burden on the church that, And, you know, it makes me sad that they can't partake and really maybe get a break and worship God in the way that they want to worship God without having to always, you know, care for their child. So I think it's a valuable program. I would love to see it in more churches. And more than just a separate room for children to go to, because it does kind of denote separation, I would love to see inclusion in the church. I would love to have like buddy programs where they can go worship alongside. I know my daughter has a really great passion for that of, you know, worshiping alongside someone else and helping them to feel just as important. And I would love to see that in more churches. And I think that's absolutely crucial because I've seen the exact same thing. It took forever for my brothers to find their place in church or even feel like they belonged. And so I think having those buddy programs and those partnerships inside the main service and not just being in another classroom, unless they need that, because sometimes they do. But if they want to be out there, let them worship the way they want to worship. It's not disruptive. And I think that's something that the church might have a problem, like not have a problem, but they might not. You don't know what you don't know. Right. And I think that that might be their concern is how do I, how do I. approach that situation if it were to happen, like a disruption or something? Or how do I approach being more inclusive? So I think that having those programs would be an incredible answer to that. And you had mentioned, you know, how do we do this? And I think we start by acknowledging that those with a disability are just like you and I. Talk to them. Talk to them. Yeah. We get kind of nervous because we don't know, what do I say? He's in a wheelchair. Right. Or maybe they're nonverbal too. Right. And they don't even talk. Yeah. Like Morgan, I have lots of friends that try to interact with her and you'll get a this or that or a nod. But that's communication for her. And she doesn't, not all kids run up and give people a hug. Right. And that's what we're looking for though. We're looking for that. And, but I say to keep trying, keep trying to, to look at them as an individual. And I know there's a lot of, in, in the disability world, there's a lot of stress on families and there's a high rate of divorce, high weight, a high, high. rate of dysfunction because it's hard. So I would really say if you have a friend or family member, reach out to that family and say, what can I do to help you? God has given me maybe some opportunities. I can come over and sit and watch Morgan and watch a movie and sing while you go take a bath or you go to the store. You know, just you think of moms with little kids, what a blessing that is. And that's very similar. And providing friendships. Friendships are really important. And the church can provide that. Exactly. Because people who live with disabilities, and I've seen it in my own brothers, and I'm sure you've seen it with Morgan, they are the most susceptible to being isolated and not having true, and I mean true, authentic friendships, somebody that they can call or text or hang out with or go to when something's wrong. Just like you and I have somebody we can go to, our go-to gals or whoever we confide in. And they deserve that just as much as you or I, but they crave that. They crave their dreams and goals. They have dreams and goals. I mean, everything that is normal for us that we want in life is normal for them and what they want in life. Right. They just have some different abilities or obstacles that have come into their way. I mean, that makes them, in my opinion, more powerful because they're overcoming something every single day in some way, shape, or form to just go about their life and to do that alone or they feel like they're alone. I mean, I can't fathom that kind of loneliness. It's a completely different category of it. Right, and that's why in school it's really important to... have inclusion so the kids at in the school that don't have disabilities can interact can not be afraid and we have Morgan's in a classroom that has some kids that also help and they they come and they're kind of like mentors and they're not afraid because they've been a part of them and I guarantee you if you can get involved in Special Olympics If you can get involved in a unified club at your school, start one if you don't have one. Start an inclusion club at your school. Yes. Or start it at your church if you don't have one too. Yes. And I will tell you, it will not only bless you, bless the person with a disability because they'll get that friendship. Yeah. It will bless those who are giving that because they get to see and really see Jesus love. Yes. Because I've never met more... the unconditional love that people, because they don't have those barriers. You and I put up those. We want to be presented. We want to be known this way. And they don't have that. And I really think that that's how we should be living our life. Yeah, no, they have that perspective. And that's what we've always heard from our family friends too, is that, In a way, it's like they see the world almost in a way as we're meant to see it, with that childlike faith. So how do we better get those families into the church? How do we better connect with them to make them feel us alone and know that there are people out there looking out for them and there for them? Yeah, there's a lot of people— in the church that have a heart to serve in this way. And I think it's doing that outreach, creating an event that specifies that come and we will help care for your child. And that we will provide whatever supports is necessary. So I know there's some churches in our area that are doing it well, and they have champions programs. And that is an opportunity for you to bring your child to a place in the church that has some sensory items, maybe some play things, and they can watch worship in a different way, because everyone receives it differently, more manipulatives, maybe get up and dance around, age-appropriate. But that champion program is something that you can bring to a church. And I know that we have several churches in our area that uses that. Yeah. Another. Yeah. Like Victory Christian. Yes. And the Assembly. Yes. Both of them have had some really great. Very successful. Yes. disability inclusion ministries in their churches that are intentional and geared toward those families who have those loved ones. Like you mentioned, the Champions Ministry at Victory, they have the sensory-friendly rooms or touch and things to calm them down. Bubbles. Bubbles, things that they can use to watch and pay attention, actually focus in on the message or worship. Yes. We were in a church previous. We used to live in Oregon and our church there had a a calming room, a sensory room place like mats they can lay down because we do. We want to share with them the love of Jesus, but we first want to take care of their needs. And they yeah, that stimulation can be so overloading for them. But one thing that they also did, and I believe it's from an organization called 99 Balloons. Okay. What is that? Well, I have to look up what the thing, but it's a program that you can bring into churches, and they show you how to do a respite night. Okay. And so I was involved in a monthly, and you can do it at whatever time, but a monthly respite night. And it was so great. We could go. We also served at it. So we would help take care of the kids, but they were so excited to come. We would do kind of small groups. We let them play. We had a movie playing. And the parents could go out. Imagine that, having a date night. Yeah, I know. And just going out. And then what I also did at that time, because we were serving in this ministry, I provided opportunities for the parents to have that date night. Yeah. Some parents can easily, you know, like they want to go out and just be together. Others don't have opportunity to make friends themselves. It's really difficult as a family to find another family or another couple that can understand your family, that can welcome them. And we've been fortunate to have that. And I really wanted to start that with couples. So we had about eight couples that would come and And I would create an opportunity for them. We'd have fun, play games, or we would do food, of course, and things that they didn't have to prepare. You know, they dropped their child off, and they can just come and sit and soak. Soak in that friendship. And that is a really big thing. need, not only for women, for men to connect. Many years ago, my husband started, it was called a dad's group. And he did like an evening or breakfast or something, just a dad's. And all those dads had a child, in our case, a child with Down syndrome, but had that all in common. And it's the same for adults. siblings like your sibling i have some and for them to be able to connect with another sibling that they can invite a friend over and their their brother or sister is you know acting silly or doing something that as a teenager might be a little embarrassing yeah but to have a friend that's like oh my brother does that too Yeah. Or my sister. Oh, my sister sits that way, too. You mentioned the 99 Balloon Studios. So starting like little private, like almost like small groups. So maybe a church can start a small group. And that's one way that they can create an inclusive opportunity. And maybe that small group is for families who have loved ones who live with disabilities and they can bring their child in. The child has a place to play and the parents have a place to connect to their fostering community. You mentioned 99 balloons, but there's also another organization that was started by, I want to say her name right, Johnny Erickson Tata. She's a quadriplegic and she has a sweet little organization. It's massive, actually, called Johnny and Friends. And she actually has curriculum like written out. I mean, this thick book of curriculum, but it's like a good. I mean, it has the entire outline of how a church can integrate a disability. Mm hmm. ministry or program into the church. So I think that's a good resource that I think that's great. And one thing I want to point out in the Tulsa area is the Little Lighthouse. Oh my gosh. So they recently just had a meeting with area churches. Yes. Okay. To come together and to share how to have a special needs ministry in the church. And I know I want to say it was one of their first times doing this. Okay. And they had an amazing response. Yes. And so people are wanting this. It's not like we're bringing this. And I was going to say, in a way, you almost need a professional consultation. You need somebody to come in and talk to the pastoral staff or the church staff in general and teach them. It's not hard. We just need to do this. Let's set aside this room that was designated for this. Let's create it into something. Let's innovate. You have to have training. I mean, we want our kids to be safe. And we want our staff and our volunteers to handle and to work with them in a safe manner. And it's just training. It's not that any, you know, I wouldn't know how to help someone in another situation. And so it's that training. But the Little Lighthouse does an amazing job. They're professionals. They're professionals. They will consult. They have curriculum as well. They have professional doctors and providers and psychologists, neurologists, people who can help. And they're not just in Tulsa. I know they're in Mississippi. You know, they're branching out. So I would encourage you to look in your city, in your town, for those resources that they're already doing it. So get that expert advice and then take that to the leadership and start small. Well, Molly, thank you so much for your incredible perspective for this such needed conversation and encouragement. It's really blessed us. It's blessed the iRefresh community. And we so appreciate every single one of you for tuning in. If you want more information, you can check out iRefresh.net.