EP 87 Hope in the Struggle - Layla Freeman

We are in a spiritual journey that no one's calling us to perfection. We're imperfect. And so allowing ourselves to be imperfect in the journey gives grace. Welcome to another episode of iRefresh. I am delighted. I have a new friend, Layla Freedman. Welcome. Thank you so much. It's an honor. I'm so glad you're here because I got a chance to meet one of the people that work with you, Kathy Crawford, and she was so excited about testifying about what you guys do with Light of Hope. Yes. She's amazing. Highlight to us, like maybe what your story is and then how... Light of Hope came about and really what God's calling you to do right now, because there's a lot even right now that God is moving you into a new position. Yes. And expanding what you're doing. Yes, that's exactly right. So the Lord has I am truly just in awe of the miracle that he performs every day and especially from. I. Some of the paths that I had walked through and the journey that he carried me through, I'm able to use the journey and minister to others and use the past wisdom that I've derived from that journey to be able to be what elevates and continues to permeate through our ministry. And that's a lot of brokenness, though. A lot of brokenness. So I want, for those who don't know you, is, and if you look at her YouTube channel, she does highlight even a lot of that. But that journey was a lot of heartbroken devastation in your life. Yes, it was. And, you know, it's incredibly important for that to be shared, because there's so many people that are... that walk through these similar journeys or pieces of the journey on a daily basis. And they feel like they're all alone. And that's a really big part of my message is that we're here to help and you're not alone. For me, I walked through a difficult childhood. I was raped at the age of 13. And, you know, when we're young and we have difficulty in our home, we are often... left to deal with that alone and we're not given the tools and the skill sets and how to manage and face things that we've walked through as we grow older. When I was raped at 13 I didn't have any skill set on how to handle that so I internalized and I had already been internalizing as a young child with the things that we were dealing with. I was born overseas and didn't really have any close connection emotionally. So nobody to go to? No one to go to. And my dad was a petroleum engineer, so we moved quite often. And every time that I would connect and get close to someone, then I felt like very soon after that closeness, I was torn away from it. And so I just learned how to emotionally disconnect. And that's how I faced life. So you had no resources. Right. I don't know. It sounds like when you travel, you probably were not even into a church. No. Once you were traveling. No, we really had no faith base in our home at the time. My mom had grown up with Christ in her life. But as we were, We traveled. It was just really not a part of our family at the time. My aunt and uncle were really the ones who poured into me and planted seeds at a young age, which I would grab hold of, as we know are very important as I grew older. But when I... When I grew older and started getting into a relationship, I, again, did not have any skill set or knowledge on what healthy relationship looked like. So I fell into an abusive marriage, which became very severe. And, um, there were a lot of variables that happened within that marriage that I had to walk through, um, including, um, addiction. He became an alcoholic. You know, there was a lot of, of sexual abuse as well as emotional and physical abuse. And many years of dealing with that, I finally escaped. And when I escaped, I managed my way back to Tulsa. And there's a lot of detail there that, you know, when I get one-on-one with someone I can share with. But when I came to Tulsa, I focused on, at the time I had two young daughters, I focused on being the mom and the caretaker and provider I needed to be for them. Okay. And so there again, I was not looking at me or what I needed to do for me. And I still was not really in a church home quite per se. I had some surrounding of family at that time, but I was still early on in my own faith walk. And my focus was my children and providing for them. So you were pretty much on your own to take care of them anyway? Totally. Financially rebuilding everything. Literally when I escaped I had the clothing on me. I had no driver's license or anything. It was traumatic and it was a very serious situation. And I had to go into hiding for a little while and just really focus on healing from an outside perspective and focus on them. But years later after I rebuilt my life and I married my wonderful husband now, we'll be married 18 years, Um, my, home and our dealings with trauma that we were going on in our home was really affecting me. I'd lost my mother-in-law. She passed away while I was holding her hand. My father-in-law, six weeks later, our house flooded. My youngest daughter was diagnosed with a chronic disease, and my oldest daughter almost died in a car accident. So trauma, when it hits someone and you've not healed from past trauma, can really regenerate emotional components. And I began having some serious trauma. And emotionally and physically, I couldn't figure out what was going on with me. I was having flashbacks and panic attacks and all those things. And a doctor I went to put me on antidepressants and suggest I have a glass of wine at night. this was I did not realize that I had a genetic tendency number one and that combination was just a terrible traumatic thing for me and I fell into a spiral of darkness very much a darkness and my entire goal at that point in my life was to eliminate myself and became an alcoholic I was suicidal and I just really had no hope But the Lord had different planes for me. And at the time, I just couldn't figure it out. I couldn't dig out of what was going on internally until I finally met a wonderful counselor who sent me to the proper mental health facility and I was diagnosed with PTSD and began a journey of mental health recovery. And in that began my true journey in Christ. I truly surrendered. I allowed him to take over. And I began feeling his presence in every moment of my life. And I... internally healed, which then takes care of any kind of substance abuse issue, and that healing. So going through counseling. Mental health treatment. Getting the mental health, getting it in a healthy place. Yes, which is difficult. Many people don't realize that is a hard journey. But the critical part, and I say this to students as I speak in front of children and to families all the time, you have to process. you cannot put away things that happen to our to ourselves in a box internally and expect them to go away they have to be worked through so true counseling and healing begins with first the process of going walking yourself through the journey that you've gone through and then how is that journey allowing me to incorporate myself into what Christ is you wants me to use it in my life, in the forward movement. So giving myself permission to feel, number one, permission to be broken. Number two, because in a world where we are supposed to look so perfect, that was hard for me. And allowing him to heal me in my own time and in space, that was a big freedom for me. And people really need to realize how important they are. Because sometimes we put ourselves on the back burner and we think that everything else around us is more important and that we'll figure it out later. I think you're right, though. But you can't. I think when you're going through that healing process and learning that God has so many things that he wants us to see, how much he values us. Yes. But it's also that place of healing. Also, you find that you have to forgive yourself. Yes. Because you probably have, I read or listened to some of your things and read about it too, is like, don't take the shame. Yes. Some things are out of our control, but don't take the shame with that. And I thought that's so true because it's just the automatic. Right. The fact that you never even had anybody to go to when you were young to even walk through it, talk through it, like, is this normal? Right. What I'm thinking is normal. You know, I have to say, listening to you, the hand of God over you to strategically help you go through that journey to break those things off and to heal and restore you is phenomenal. It's phenomenal. And he placed me in places with people surrounding me that... that would build me up. And as I grew in my recovery and healing, my strength in him just continued to manifest. And I, I began, I began to really dig deeper and involve myself in Bible studies and in women's groups. And then I began to try to give back. And I, I began working and serving at a women and children's shelter in Claremore. And I met amazing women there and was able to pour into the women in the facility and just continue to give back in the community. And it was at that point when... He knew I would need the strength of those women and the strength of my church. And I really started digging into church and stepping into the leadership positions at church. And they were sending me to some, you know, trainings and things which didn't make any sense at the time. Yeah. But, you know, the Lord does that always, especially things that he wanted. They wanted me to speak. And I'm never going to speak in front of crowds because that's terrifying. Oh, wow. And now that's what I do all the time. Wow. But he gave me the skill set that I would need down the road that I had no idea would come. So that's a lesson to tell your younger self. Okay, so we need to, even when we go through something, we've got to trust him in the process because we don't know what he's going to do in the future. Yes, absolutely. It made no sense at the time. Now I look back and it's just, I love it. It's amazing what he does. But in the journey of serving at that women's shelter and in the leadership in church, my own daughter, my oldest daughter, Ashley, started struggling at 16 and a half. We'd been through a lot emotionally, and she really never opened up in the counseling and the group sessions. And there were a lot of things that happened to her that I didn't know at the time, and she began using... marijuana and I found pills. And that journey was an isolated journey because I was facing life like many of us do with the stigma and the judgment and wanting to put a blinder on and cover that up. And it is so... But that's the lie that the enemy does, right? And I think, though, too, if you look at it, there's that attachment of shame. You can't say anything because everybody else looks like they've got it together. Right. Within reason. Right. So it's such a lie of the enemy. Such a lie because... I'm telling you, everyone has a struggle. And but at the time I was trying to hide what was going on in our home. I mean, I was even in a disciple class. My husband and I were in a disciple class, you know, and that's like almost a year long class. And no one knew what was happening in our home. which was heartbreaking. It was a struggle. And we'd been going through this for several years. And it was an up and down roller coaster and emotional, just an absolute nightmare of a struggle as a parent. And you're watching your child just fall apart. And literally in addiction, it's literally a slow death. I might ask you in that too, when you said that, like you were alone, is there anything that we today can be looking at? Are there signs? I don't want to get away from your story, but I also, even if you say it later, signs that help us as believers of what can we be paying attention to with each other so that we could have been, somebody could have reached out if we watch for things. Well, I think number one, um, people that don't want to get too attached to anyone or anything, you know, they'll be there for the moment and they'll, they'll go through the process of what the current situation or class or, you know, service or whatever is, but they don't want to really dive in and invest as much because they don't want someone to be close enough to find out what's going on. Oh, wow. Or just a lot, sometimes a lot of too much joy, um, Because we all have struggles, but if everything looks too perfect, then, you know, there's something really else going on behind those behind the walls of our heart. Right. OK. But for us, we we we walked that journey and then ultimately on Christmas Eve of 2013, we lost her. And it was it was a. it is the most difficult thing you'll ever face in your life. You know, there's no way to describe child loss. She had had a child, our granddaughter Emily, during her addiction. And that was another just a really difficult place to be. And you feel helpless and out of control and things are spiraling around you. But when she passed away, There was a different nudge from the Lord than anything that I have ever experienced. I'd been writing for years, and my writing after she passed began to go to a deeper level. I began becoming vulnerable. My family was asking me not to share the truth of what had happened, but I knew very clearly I needed to talk about it. So I started writing about it. Okay. And people from all over the world were writing me their life story. And it was almost like a template of things that were happening. And I knew that this was something that was a bigger subject than I ever realized. Okay. And it needed to be just discussed on a deeper level. So they were also asking me to put it in a book form. So that that was the birth of hope in the struggle. And it was it's just a compilation of what the Holy Spirit has spoken and put into words. And it. And that's it truly, as I look back and we use this in our groups and things now. And this is a great she just gave this to me. Otherwise, I read it ahead of time. But it's I love it because you gave space to have your thoughts of the Lord downloads to you, but space to actually write after you read each one of the days. And I. And they're not numbered. The days are not dated. They're numbered but not dated, so it could be open at any place. I think it's powerful because it gives us an intentionality to address what's going on inside of us. I think when we're allowing, when we read something, it's great just to think and ponder it, and I love to do that. But then when you, it's amazing if you even go back to something you wrote later on. It's almost scary, like... I didn't know I was that way. You know, it's like, who was that? That is my writing. Yep. But what a great tool. So this is something you're using in your ministry now as well. And I didn't put actual dates on there because for me in my recovery, when I would open up my journal or my devotional, if I was struggling for a day or so and I hadn't opened that particular day, and devotion up and I missed a day or so for me in my many very perfectionist mindset I can relate to the days I can totally feel right now like yes like it would really bother me yes so the structure so I don't want to put dates there because that gives permission to miss those days we are in a spiritual journey that no one's calling us for to perfection we're imperfect and so allowing ourselves to be imperfect in the journey gives grace. The book has grace included in it. Exactly. I'm all after that because you're so right. When I miss a day of my daily reading of a prayer or the Bible, I'm like, people notice that because it's on the You version. I'm like... I'm like, uh-oh, I haven't even accountability. I'm like, uh-oh. But something happened that day. And I love that because you're right, that perfectionism can really drive us not towards God. It's just drive us to be able to check off that we did something. Well, yeah, because then you're trying to catch up. If you miss two days, oh, you might be able... Because for me, I would be like, well, I'm going to read all three days in the one time. But that's not effective. That's not effective spiritual growth. And we don't want people to quit. Right. So I think that was perfect. Yeah. That was ordained by God, I know. I love it. Absolutely, yes. But it was from that writing and the people really just having feedback in that, that the Lord began nudging me. And it was one of those moments in my life where... It was a, there's not that audible voice, like, you know, the big booming, but it was the clear, the clear voice internally from the Lord speaking to me saying to start something new. different. And I kept explaining it to a couple of my close friends. Um, I want to start a nonprofit, but it it's different. And they would, and I was saying we need to start it with a group because as a parent, I was that parent parent that was alone at the time walking through the journey and I didn't have a resource. And for me at AA and NA and Al-Anon and all those things were not really what I resonated with because I wanted Christ in the And in those groups, it's not, you know, it's a higher calling or whatever, but you can put that, fill that box with whatever you wanted to. So I was explaining to people I wanted an encouragement support group that was Christ-centered, but most of them would be like, well, we already have that kind of thing. And then Celebrate Recovery was another one they suggested. And I'm like, it's not, I want it more personal, and I want it to be for, specifically for just this type of addiction and life difficulty. So... The Lord gave me the name Light of Hope immediately. I knew that was what it was going to be called and the vision. And we just started in a coffee shop. Really? Started meeting in a coffee shop. And the group grew tremendously, really quickly. Wow. So how did you get the word out? We just started. I started a Facebook page, Light of Hope, still the same Facebook page. And I just started sharing that there was going to be these groups and I wanted family members to be welcome. But I also wanted the individuals in recovery to be welcome because the cross talk and the the information that you hear across the room from the other side of the perspective is extremely important. OK. And parents needed to hear what the addict had to say and the addicts need to hear what parents need to say or other family members or coworkers or whoever it might be. That just happens. That opens up the world on both sides and brings clarity to what each party is feeling and going through. Yeah. So that's the heart of our encouragement support group, which we still hold. And those are an hour and a half. And literally we pray in the Holy Spirit is welcomed in. We read some scripture. Yeah. And then it's an hour and a half of open dialogue and everyone just starts sharing. And because of that open and that there's not a structure involved and that the Holy Spirit just takes over, the power of the healing that happens in those walls is tremendous. That's wonderful. And then from there, we can derive what other resources we need to connect these people to and move forward. And we have finance classes and workplace readiness and specific other classes. So part of it, though, too, I looked at your website, too, is the educations. Yes. And then you're also linking yourself with local government. That's right. So I'd love you to tap into that as well. So from these classes and groups, the DA's office actually reached out to me, and they were hearing questions. people that are on probation, they were coming to our group. And they went back to report on probation and said, can I get credit for these meetings? Because in AA and NA, you get a signature validated meeting. And the DA's office called us in, and I explained what was happening, and they loved it, and they were getting such good feedback from people that we became a signature validated group from the DA's office. And then from there, it was kind of like just a relationship grew. And we began to talk about what was needed beyond a meeting. An hour and a half meeting is wonderful, but then what happens? We have to rebuild life, and we have to teach new habits and new skill sets. Yes. And we created with the DA's office a monthly speaking panel called Addiction's Awful Truth that is now mandated by the judges. People have to attend six months of a speaking panel. And what this does is it is two people giving their testimony. Most of the time, a lot of people on probation have not even walked into a church. So they now are sitting in a room and hearing the word. They're hearing the truth of what God can do in their lives and what has happened if people trust in him. And we don't have to do anything but let them just hear. And it's planting those seeds and getting them into a hope-filled position. So with the groups that you have, I'm just kind of curious, too, when you have them, are they established to where you cut off and then you branch out to do so there's not too big? Is that how you could? I mean, because it'd be hard to be authentic when you're like, OK, I don't know these people. And there's a lot of them. Yeah, it is kind of been a crazy. It's ebb and flow. COVID obviously knocked us down. We were doing three days a week. prior to covert covert Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday and just the encouragement support group not even other classes and we are now down to one day a week and then having other classes like and overcoming discouragement is one of them and the 12 gifts is another one and but they they range in a size that not heard of in the counseling world I guess you could say that's not normal normal 10 to 12 people is what a normal group would be we Right now we're averaging about 25 all the way up to 30. It works. Really? It works. And we get all the way around the room. Wow. It's been amazing. It's against all odds. Oh, my God. Exactly. Wow. Exactly. Now they ebb and flow. And then we start having other classes and people step into those. And so it's just kind of a constant trickle in, trickle out. Right. the birdies fly and go and grow. Well, and then so even I want to highlight too, since the DA is endorsing that, you also are doing some expanding. I would love you to highlight too, what are you doing in expansion? So we have not only become a recovery source, we became a prevention source. When the State Question 788 came about, we really wanted to get the community to understand what was about to be voted on. So we were going and doing seminars in the public and I had called in panelists, The DA's office obviously was a panelist. And then I asked for someone from the DEA and Drug Enforcement Administration to come. And that is when I met David King, who's now my partner. He. offered at that time, if we ever wanted to do anything in the schools, he would be willing to be a part of that. So from there, we decided, okay, let's get in front of children because prevention is the key. Obviously, education is always a key to growth and development, and we wanted to get in front of children. So we decided to start doing assemblies. So we went in front of superintendents, explained what we were doing, and they offered us to come in and do an assembly. And we did that for a while. And then at the end of an assembly in May, I looked at David because these children come up to us like in swarms. And the assembly is encompassed of him giving some state details and stats and, you know, just really a law enforcement perspective. And then I give my testimony in a really raw form. Okay. And these children come up and they are heartbroken. Many times they're dealing with things in their own home. They don't know anyone else that's ever talked about it. Like we talk about it. And we've opened up the window of opportunity for them to share. And from that, we realized we need to do more than just this assembly. And he came back to me a couple of days later and said, do you know, we have a curriculum that no one is using? And it's a curriculum written by the DEA and Discovery Oklahoma. It's a very science-based curriculum teaching these children what are the substances, what happens when we take these substances, what happens to our heart, our neurological system, our brain, the withdrawals, the socioeconomic effects, the trickle-out effect of how it affects our family. This curriculum is incredible. It's elementary, middle, and high school. Okay. And it is an official partnership now. We created a whole curriculum and a whole program called LEAD, and it's partnered officially with the Drug Enforcement Administration. So they have their stamp on it. We are able to go into the schools and do five to six weeks of education. And what that looks like is we hired retired educators. So they've been in the classroom. They have wisdom and experience. And they are willing to go in on a part-time basis and do this drug education. So they sit in front of the children. And the district gets to choose where they want to place this curriculum. So since it's so science-based, a lot of them are placing it into the science class. Right, right. They get to choose what grade level they want to place it in. And then our educator goes in. We do the assembly to launch it. They go in, and they say it's a Friday science class, and it's seventh grade. They go in on a Friday, and they rotate through all of the seventh grade classes until they're completed. And then they go in the next Friday, and they do this for five to six weeks. Okay. Yeah, and they teach them. So you're doing the course. And from what I understand, too, with clarity for people like, okay, what has that got to do with the ministry? But you also, because of who you are picking and choosing to teach and the lead, that they are spirit-filled, they are Christians, and they are also incorporating their belief system with the curriculum. We always say that they are the light. They go into the classroom that's so desperately needed to be the light. And they are just there. They're being that that heart and that soul in that classroom. These children so desperately need the kids begin to develop a relationship with them and they are able to pour into them and they're able to just be a continued resource for them beyond the classroom. I think that's really powerful. It is. One of the things I would love for you to even just to talk to the audience, because you've gone through so much heartache personally in your journey, and then to have a child to go through an awful experience, and I can't imagine... I would love for you to help the people that are still, there's hope. And that's what I love about that. You have what's called light of hope. And we'll be putting on our website and in our show notes, um, how to reach out to Layla's ministry. And, um, that, but the thing is too, is, um, people right now that are hurting and they're in, you've probably hit something that someone else is going to, but you just share with them of what is it you want to encourage them on and like, where can they find their hope? Their hope is obviously in Christ. Hope is something that we have to look forward to because there's a difficulty that we're going through in this world right now. And there's a lot of things that are happening every single day that you hear about. But the one solid foundation we have is Christ. And in that, we can walk through anything. And grabbing hold of the journey that you've been through, as difficult as it is in the past or in the moment, is... If you can learn to surrender and you can learn to think beyond this second and that he is with us no matter how hard it is, then you can learn to move one second forward, one minute forward, one day forward. And surrounding yourself with those people that bring hope to you. And that's what we are really wanting to allow the community to understand is that no matter where you are in your journey, Being able to have a support system, whether it's in our groups or one on one, because we do mentor mentorship as well. Just having someone to touch base with someone who's walked through that journey with you. is very important. And especially in the children where there's such difficulty in the classroom right now. And as we heard today, there's that difficulty that we're all facing in our world. And just knowing that there's someone who can walk through the journey with you and you're not alone. That's what's powerful. And I even made notes when I was looking at your website about that you want to take pain and you want to turn it into purpose. I think that's so good. And I'm grateful that your purpose, too, is to make sure they're not alone. Because I have heard, we've done, I had a panel talking about loneliness. Yes. And those are dark places. And I love that. And dealing with the mental health that you do and that we don't need to be ashamed. Yes. And I love that no matter what we've all faced, even if we were the ones that did it, we don't need to live in our shame because God forgives. Yes, he does. God redeems. He restores. He does amazing work in all of our lives, emotionally and physically. And so that's where I was just highlighting when I was looking through your website, which is powerful, which is, okay, your website is... light of hope, Inc. Dot org. That's right. So we will put that down there, but, um, it is a blessing to meet you later. And just to see your heart and what, how God is an incredible work in your life. Yes, he does. He is. He is. And it's just the journey is growing and we hope to take this statewide, especially drug education program. You know, we've we've stepped into many, many districts of schools in northeast Oklahoma. Now we're asking the northern Oklahoma. And the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics is also asking to partner with us. Okay, so you have people in the department reach out to you. We also want to encourage you, too, if you know who the superintendent is in your school, we really want you to help to connect the dots so that your school, if you don't have the LEAD program, there's ways for you as a parent, if you're just the parent or you're someone who, or you're a teacher or a staff member, Let's connect and let's find out how we can get this program because, you know, the power of understanding knowledge so that these kids have a better opportunity to avoid the pitfalls that others have gone through. Why not? That's right. It's not a don't do drugs program, which was what we realized wasn't being effective. It is a knowledge based program. They make the choice. Yeah, that's powerful. Well, thank you for coming and sharing. Thank you so much. We're so grateful. So definitely take a look at hers. And also, we have some incredible scriptures at irrefresh.net that will encourage you, whether you're walking through loneliness, even if some of our other podcasts have talked about loneliness, we want you to know you're never alone. We want to pray for you. We want to encourage you that God is with you. He's present to help you in any moment you're living in. Yes, he is.