EP 8 Overcoming Fear to Follow God - Kim Bakaev

After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome to iRefresh where we empower ordinary women to do extraordinary things for the power of prayer and encouragement. And I'm so ecstatic to have my friend Kim Bakayev with me today. And there is a little joke behind that because you know my name is Cheryl Clare and when people say my name there's many versions of my name. And I know that somebody really knows me if they can say my last name correctly. Well, in talking with Kim today, I learned that I said her name totally wrong. So now I'm going around saying, Bakayev. So thank you, Kim. You're welcome. Thanks for having me. And so I want you to get to know Kim, all right? Because she is such a hilarious, fun, energetic friend. and I think it'd be great to ask you just some random questions and see what we come up with. Unplanned. I normally let people get familiar with them but no, she can do this off the cuff. Alright, what's your favorite drink? Okay, first of all you should ask me are you good at decisions because Coke, right? Okay, Coke or Pepsi? Oh, Coke. Alright, favorite drink? Coke? Favorite dessert. Favorite dessert. Oh, anything. I'm on Keto right now, so it's like I have to remember. What was I? 23 pounds down, even though the camera just added 10. They're all back. Probably anything. Cake, pie, cake. Alright. Gluten free I'm sure. Right. No I've seen your Instagram. I know you you go to those great places with wonderful desserts that I'm like my mouth is watering. I'm gluten free and I'm like it's not fair. Okay if you were an emoji, which emoji best describes you or your day to day? Oh, gosh. Definitely something smiley and maybe with some tears. Not like crying tears, but laughing. Laughter. Okay. That's right. All right. And all right, what is your serious one? What's your favorite scripture? Oh, gosh. It's an oldie but a goodie. It's the Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. That was one I memorized in youth group back when I was a kid. And trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will direct your path. And she's still got to memorize. Whoa. That's great. Okay, what is your, let's see, what's your favorite restaurant you like to go to? Oh gosh, it's been, and this again, my friends know we can't ever pick a place, but Bricktown Brewery, the turkey burger and sweet potato fries. That was pre-keto again. Or cheat days. The cheat days. You'll come back to it again. All right, fruit or veggies? Gosh, it's turning more into veggies now that I'm being a grown up. More veggies, yeah. What's your vice? Actually, I gave it up for Lent. Yes, Protestants can give up stuff for Lent. And it's cookie jam on my phone. It's, yeah, it's how they will give you like your graphics for how much you've spent this past week on your phone. I was logging hours, hours, because I'm in the car waiting for the kids or whatever, and I'm doing this cookie jam, because I get this little endorphin when I clear the field. And so maybe I'll get an endorsement deal for cookie jam. Yes. Promotional sponsored bond. That's better than smoking, right? There we go. Yeah. We do not smoke, of course. But anyway, I just thought it'd be kind of fun because you are very clever anyway. And so really one of the things that I enjoyed is a while back I was able to be a guest on your podcast. And her podcast is called Nourish. And I had to go back to it even before that, when you have come to an iRefresh gathering. And we've talked before, before you had a podcast, that you had an unction. You felt God had led you to start one. Tell me, like, what was your journey from the point where you felt God led you to do that? And, like, the process from hearing God's prompting to acting on it. Well, it's a longer story than our podcast here, but I'd have to go back to kind of when I was a kid, And I felt like my voice really didn't matter, which is interesting because I was looking at old report cards and teachers' comments would be, Good student, but loves to visit. Likes to talk. That's always on the thing. But it's interesting because I felt like my voice didn't matter. In fact, I would remember I was the first grandchild on my dad's side for five years. And I remember trying to get in there to talk to my grandma and saying, Grandma, Grandma, grandma, grandma, because she's talking, you know, with adults. And so I think somewhere along the line, I might, and it's not my grandma's fault, I just felt like I had this belief that I, kind of a lie that I believe that, well, my voice probably isn't important enough to get someone's attention. And so I think I kind of went through life, like I was afraid to try out at a play at school because... Well, my voice doesn't matter. Anyway, so I think I carried that through. And had I thought about it, I probably should have gone into something like communications when I was in college because I enjoy that. But I had the belief that my voice didn't matter. So you go through your 20s, your 30s, you raise kids, and all of that. And even I think my people have said, you talk really fast. I think because I'm from the North. We're cold, so we're trying to get a lot of words in. But I started to think about that, and I think I'm trying to get things in before someone loses interest. Because my voice doesn't matter. Yeah, exactly. And so as I started to kind of, when I got into my 40s, started to really look at, okay, who am I? The whole kind of like, wait a minute. Who has God made me? What do I believe about myself? Kind of got to that place in my life to look at it. And just looking at different things that the Lord had healed me of, different lies that I had believed about myself, that my voice didn't matter, that I wasn't enough. And just Kim, from some good friends that were going to a speaking conference. And I thought, I couldn't go to a speaking conference because my voice doesn't matter, but I felt like the Lord had things that I was supposed to share. Maybe I was going to write those things, should I speak them? I don't know. So I had the courage to go with some friends to the Chic Speaks Conference, which is in North Carolina. This was in 2013. And so it was great, it was just, you know, you're just like drinking from a fire hose. All this information, these great motivational speakers that are, we all have a message, and I just felt motivated. And we're sitting at a keynote message by Michael Hyatt, who if you're familiar with him, he used to be a publisher, I believe, at Tommy Nelson. And he was sharing about building a platform and just for people that are speakers. And he gave this little kind of an offshoot talking about podcasting. And back at that time, It wasn't like it is now where everybody's doing podcasts. And we were at a table of like eight or ten women. And he talked about the pie of podcasts and how this little tiny sliver for the Christian audience or Christian podcasters and for women podcasters, it's like barely even registerable on this pie. And my heart just leapt. And again, I'm sitting around the table with eight or nine other women, and none of them felt that draw. So I thought, oh, everybody would jump on it. And I knew that that was the Lord trying to say, you need to pay attention to what he's saying. And so, okay, that was a different direction than I thought. I thought, oh, I need to focus on trying to speak, doing a blog and writing, kind of the things that were what most women were there for. But that wouldn't go away. That thing just was there. And I really believe that that was the Lord. So 2014, I go back, hadn't done a thing. 2015, 2016, but what was happening, it was always there. But I was afraid. I had believed the lie. Well, who am I? And I think we all have that. If the Lord put something in us or we're gifted in an area, we get those voices that say, who do you think you are? What do you have to say? What, I mean, what makes you better than somebody else? And so I believed those things for so long. But did anybody, did the people around you, did they know how you were feeling or did you hide that? No, no, no. I mean, I might've shared with a couple of friends that I wanted to maybe do that. But again, it can be overwhelming because you start thinking about, oh my goodness, I don't know anything about technology. You know, that's not my area. And in fact, my oldest son had taken a class at a tech school for an elective, something along the lines of this. And he was like, mom. You know, you're too old. You kind of can't learn that kind of thing. And so I'm believing those things. And it was the fear that came in coupled with who do you think you are? But the Lord wouldn't let it go. And I started to feel like I'm starting to walk into disobedience because he put that in there and it wouldn't go away. So I think that's a way that you can kind of tell too. Is this God or is this just me? Because it just wouldn't go away. It just wouldn't go away. So 2016. Now did you, so if that was 13, did you ever tell anybody between 2013 and 16? I might have like just said a general, but it wasn't like, this is a vision I have or a dream I have. Just no, no. And because I didn't have people that were going to, how's it going on that podcast? Have you started it? Have you started it? Which I think is so important now that I should have had people that held me accountable. to say like, how's it going? What's your goal for the week? That kind of thing. Because I do remember at one point, when I heard, once I heard you say about that, I would think I remember asking about it, like where you were at with something. Because I'm always wanting to know what people, what you're called to do, and if you're not doing it, why? And how to encourage. Yeah, so I talk about Cheryl being one who will be that Holy Spirit kick in the hiney, because that's what she does. It's not like, hey, how are the kids? Which is fine, she'll be like, are you being obedient? Are you doing what God has called you to do? Yes, that kind of thing. And then it was fun because if you go on our YouTube channel too, you will find we have quite a few different devotionals that you've already done for us. When I had a hectic life between California and Oklahoma, I would fly in for a few days back home, And I would have Kim or Carrie or Scarlett, and we would get together. And on the fly, we would start doing... And you were so great. I mean, we walked down the hallway, and I saw a shepherd picture. I'm like, I like that. Wait, come up with something. And she literally, on the fly, you had a devotional that she put together just like that. So, I mean, it was in you, and I enjoyed how fluid... that you are in just off the cuff, being spontaneous, and sharing something. And it's heartfelt, though. Thank you. And the way that you do an application. Because I still remember, you know, some of the things that you have that are good triggers to recall your stories. Like the bus. See? So anyway, I interrupted you, but I just kind of wanted to know, as far as that point, if you had anybody keep you accountable to what you felt in that prompting. No. Because that's important. to identify and speak out what you feel God's calling you to do with someone who can keep you accountable. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I had gone to the She Speaks conference two years in a row and felt like, okay, I can't go to another one until I really start applying this because I love to learn and get more knowledge and hear from those that are experts in their field. But there's that little hesitation to go forward and to do. And so... I'm part of a group called Hope Writers, and it was their first time having a workshop. And I thought, okay, I'm going to go in a little different direction. I thought, I'm going to maybe work on some writing and kind of figure out what my message is. And one of the founders was going to have an impromptu workshop on podcasting. Wow. And I thought, okay, I'm going to go. It was before the breakfast session, all that I went. And again, I was like, okay, I just got the courage then. I'm just going to do it. I was going to be turning 50. the following in 2018, and I thought, I don't want to go into my 50s still believing this. Who am I? I can't do it. What kind of an example am I leading for my daughter, my children, for other women that I feel like God might have me influenced to still believe these lies? I'm stuck and I don't go forward, and I'm kind of getting stagnant in disobedience. So I thought, I'm gonna do this. And so I took my son to a basketball tournament. I think it was like the next month, had all this time in a hotel by myself. And I just got with the Lord and said, just start downloading. And I just started writing different ideas. And that's where the name Nourish came from. I just really felt like this clicked in. Kind of like when you're turning a dial and just click. It made sense. I didn't really necessarily have a vision for, do I wanna talk about parenting? Do I wanna talk about women's issues? I just felt like I was just supposed to do something that nourishes the body of Christ. That we have so much garbage in the world and the negativity and division. And I thought, I need to provide an outlet for women to have some positive content coming into their lives. Whether they're on a road trip, they're picking up kids, they're cleaning, that they can turn it on and hear from other women. And so I thought, again, I can't carry a podcast myself, so like you're doing, I want to be able to highlight other women. And I've had a couple guys in there. Yes. So that God can share what he's given them and what they're doing to be encouraging to someone else who might have gone through a difficult time in their marriage. Or maybe they have a parenting question. Or just something fun. Like, I've always wanted to travel, but I'm afraid. So providing this positive content through the lens of what God is doing. And just talking. And so I just jumped in and I just did it. A lot of YouTube videos. I promised my husband, I said. Because I have a lot of... like little hobbies I like to start. I really get in. I've seen a few of those. Yeah, and so I knew he was gonna be like, oh no, how much money is this gonna cost me? He said, nope, I'm just gonna figure it out on my own. And in fact, I YouTubed, and this is a beautiful set that she has here, but I had ordered some Omaha steaks. And they come in this beautiful big cooler that was sitting in the garage. A star from cooler. Did I use that when we were recording? Yes, you did. Yes. And I was like, this will capture the sound. I ordered a cheap mic on Amazon. And that was my traveling studio. And I kind of still had that. And so anyway, I just jumped in. And again, it was getting past that. I think you get to an age in life where you're like, it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just jump in. I need to hear that sometimes. Yes, it doesn't have to be perfect. Yes. Yeah, it's hard for the perfectionist. Right, right. But I like how you were willing to finally just press through. Yes. And because you were driven out of wanting to obey God's voice. Right, right. And that you just couldn't help it. I couldn't. And I thought, again, I thought, this isn't going away. And God is kind and he's gracious. He wasn't like hitting me over the head and that kind of stuff. But I felt like it was this more like, okay, you know... when are you going to start doing? And trust me that, you know, you just say yes and take that step and I will provide the information that you need. I'll give you the tools that you need. He's brought the guests. Like I went through literally all my friends, even the people that couldn't say my name and have them on as guests just because I feel like everybody has something, you know, it'd be great if I would've got Beth more, you know, as my, you know, first guest, but someone had reminded me and they said, and Beth would be wonderful. Beth, if you're listening, welcome. Yeah. Um, But everybody has a story. Everybody has something to share. And I didn't want just like, oh, I want the headliner people. I wanted everybody that I know that we can talk about what God is doing in your life. What gifting do you have? What can you do to inspire someone? And it's been that way and God has just provided. But those are great. I like it when I start. You need to follow her on Instagram too because she'll post who the guests are for each week. And I enjoy hearing, it's ordinary women doing extraordinary things. I think that, Sometimes we get caught into a place where we don't think our story matters. You know, and it sounds like, though, at some point for you, pressing through your identity and your identity in Christ, somehow it sounds like it's helped you, it nourished you enough to, or at least pressed you to like, I'm going to do this. Even if you didn't think your voice mattered at one point. It sounds like God's been doing a healing process. Oh my goodness, absolutely. And changing and shifting a mindset that you had. And I thought about, too... what I love and what nourishes me. And I love like what we're doing here, sitting down, having conversation. I'm not real great in a bit. There's a big group of women. I'm going to be more one who's listening. But if we're one on one, you know, my husband will call, are you still at lunch three hours later with a girlfriend? Because I just love that downloading and them sharing with me and us sharing with each other. So I said, maybe that's, if it's nourishing to me, it might be nourishing to someone else. And so that's the format. And I've had some people say like, ooh, an hour, that's kind of long. But for me, that's when a woman can really get deep into what's in her heart, whether it's maybe something that she's writing or a struggle that she's had. And so I've just tried to do what was natural to me, and it seems to be working. It seems to be a blessing to at least a few people out there. Now, I think it was great for me when I was able to be a guest, too, is... actually when you begin to say something and like when you ask a couple of questions, when you can really speak, you're intentional in describing, like for me it was talking about eye refresh. And sometimes you just don't know what's going to come out until someone actually on purpose allows you that freedom to be able to say, hey, this is who I am, this is what I'm doing. I think it helps to solidify and have people support what you're doing. And I think that's what we want to really, I wanted to highlight too with Kim's life is, I remember when I would go over, I remember talking and asking you about what God's calling you to do. I think that we have to be bold enough, though, with each other, is keeping each other accountable and supporting and cheering each other on. You know, that's one thing is she does a podcast like, oh, wait a minute, we're doing a podcast, but I'm not competing. I want to compliment what Kim's doing because what she does to be able to bring, basically allow for a voice of those women, each of the people that I've seen you have on there, It's great. I love to hear it. It's different characters and you get to hear like, wow, I never knew. And how, how would we, if you didn't open up the door and give somebody that you're spurring someone on to be able to walk out and identify and really rejoice in what God has done for them. And that's the beauty, I think of what your podcast is allowed. It's more than just hearing their story, but it empowers them to realize, Oh, well, I have done something significant or I've gotten through or I've survived or I've, I do have something worth sharing with the world. Because I remember even as growing up with kids, I always was wanting to find out all the stories of what every mom was doing with their children. So I'd try it. Every week it was like, okay, it didn't work this week, but this idea works. And that community of talking with parents and getting ideas because it's fluid, always changing, you don't know what's gonna happen. It helps us when we recognize somebody else has the same struggle. I mean, what do you feel like for you in that place of obedience in the last, since you've begun, what has God been showing or drawing you, and what's your goals? What do you plan on doing in the future with it? Well, I... I still have that struggle with, you know, because I'll have, oh, why am I doing this? It doesn't matter. Nobody cares. Yeah. Because we all do that. Right. Even if I'm walking and nothing has changed, but God is so good. And he just knows, even if I don't voice that, he knows what I'm thinking and feeling. Because I don't necessarily call my friends and go like, hey, why am I doing this? So I'm not looking for that. But the Lord hears. And so it has been, I need to start documenting it because I've had people that I haven't heard from in, maybe we used to go to church together years ago and they'll shoot me a private message. Or someone that's a listener that has found a way to get a hold of me through my website or something, tell me what that particular guest that I had that week. I had one, we did one on suicide. I had a friend that she wanted to be able to share about her story of being a suicide survivor. I think it was two nights later, I had a guy who's a wife, his wife is a listener and he happened to listen. And he said, that podcast literally this week helped me to intervene in a friend of ours that was suicidal. So, and that was the, I woke up that morning and he had written that in the middle of the night. And so the Lord just keeps sending me those like, if I haven't told you to stop. And I think about this, when my daughter went to take her driver's test, here's one of those practical applications. She was doing it through a private driving school here, Oklahoma driving school. And so she had her lesson. So the Saturday she had the practice drive and they said, here's how they're gonna test you. And so then we get to the test the next day and the guy before he starts said, here's what I'm gonna ask you to do. I'm gonna tell you to do a few things. He said, just keep going until I tell you to do something different. Don't go, do I turn now? Do I turn now? Do I turn now? Do I turn now? Do you want me to stop? He said, I'll let you know. And the Lord spoke to me and said, I will let you know when it's time to stop. when it's time to do something different, just keep going in what I told you to do. So I'm just driving, I'm like, Lord, should we be stopping or slowing down? And he's just, nope, just keep going. And so that was such a lesson to me, is I was afraid to do it. I'm still afraid to do it. I mean, we all get nervous before we're doing that thing. That doesn't mean that it was the wrong thing. And the Lord just keeps reminding me. He doesn't every day go, good job, good job. He's just like, just trust me. And I will let you know when it's time to change. And so I'm just, you know, letting myself dream a little bit now that I've got two years going. And just dreaming a little bit more about what I want to do with it. And like, I told my husband, can I buy a new microphone now? Because I've been... You've been faithful. I have been. Reward time. Yes. It's not like when I was scrapbooking and then it's like, oh, I don't do that anymore kind of thing. I've been there and done that too. Right. So he's like, oh, I think this is a thing that's going to stick around. So I'm just excited to start dreaming and let the Lord like, okay, if you've been faithful in this, maybe try this. And so I'm just kind of waiting. But I love it. I get so nourished. Hearing from like you said everyday women and I you know if anybody doesn't let listen I have and I'm just I come off of those recording sessions just on a cloud because I'm so inspired and have given someone a platform Where they're normally nobody would ever you want me this year? I've had a couple people that I believe the lie like I have right. I don't have anything to share Why would you want me on I don't know no no no so they've declined and I respect that that's fine But to go like no you do have a story yes you do and an hour goes by and they're like we talked for an hour and about what God has done in my life? Yes. And so, I mean, the payoff in that alone is fantastic. It's monumental what you've been doing because I think just giving people that voice has done something that's been dramatic for them. Whether you even recognize it or not, I think what it does is it gives us courage. Because to do these kinds of things, not everybody does it. And for you to walk in God's obedience, and that's the thing I really wanna encourage you is, what has God prompted you? No, really, Kim had something that was an unction. She felt something that pulled her. And it was over time she was wanting to know God's voice and having it confirmed. And I think what we want to encourage you to is tell someone you know that you can trust that will encourage you. You know, sometimes I've spewed out my dreams and all of a sudden somebody will crush it. I'm like, okay, whoops. Be careful who you share it with and prayerfully consider who will be your cheerleader to be the one that will encourage you to walk it out. Because I really want to see you go into a new place, even not just with your podcast, but allow you to dream big. I mean, we have an incredible big God who desires for us to be able to flourish. I mean, and that's where you are nourishing the people from giving them individually the power, but the people get to hear the message. So I think that the beauty of what God has done through this and your obedience, that you are only beginning to see the fruit of it. And I really want to encourage you out there, too, to go to her. Go on to the iTunes and Spotify and look for Nourish. And then that way you can have, I'm not sure how many you have now, is it 70, 80 episodes? Yeah, 75 or so. Okay, yeah. You have a lot to listen to. Incredible, what a variety of incredible people that you can hear their stories. And I hope that it will really encourage you with what Kim has done. She has listened to God's voice and obeyed God's voice. And she's still, even in the process, you know, God's still doing something beautiful in your life. And so we want to encourage you to stay in tune with us by subscribing to not only our podcast, but also with Kim's podcast with Nourish. And not only that, but go to our Facebook and make sure you like us. Go to her website at KimBakayev.com. Right? Dot com. I want to make sure it's dot com because ours is dot net. I refresh dot net. But for her, it's dot com. And make sure you just connect with her and get to hear a lot of more amazing stories. And we want to hear more about what you have overcome in your life. So make sure you connect with us. And until next time, go change your world.