EP 71 Addiction, Loneliness, Hurt, & God - Jennifer Whitaker

I experienced a lot of abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse because of addiction in our family. I knew God was good, but I hadn't experienced that goodness. As a kid, I said, God, why me? I didn't choose this. Welcome to iRefresh, where we talk about the power of prayer in God's Word. Welcome to another episode of the POP podcast. And I have with us Jennifer Whitaker. Thank you for coming. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. Now, I hear you have an amazing journey that you have walked through. And you started to give me a little bit, but I'm like, oh, we need to have you on and just inspire others of what God has been doing in your life. And so I would love you just begin to share where the Lord leads you. Absolutely. Well, growing up, I actually rode a school bus to church. My fellow neighbor, she invited me. And I got saved in a Baptist church. I was seven years old. And so I had a grounding in the word. But as life continued on and in the environments that I lived in, it was everything but a Christian environment. And I know that my mother, she loved me dearly, but she was very hurt. She had a very traumatic childhood and her people hurt people. And there was a cycle that was continuing on. And so. In that, you know, I experienced a lot of abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse because of addiction in our family. My mom, she was a heavy alcoholic and prescription drugs, very bound. And she loved God. But if we don't have the power of God to set us free, you know, we can't be free from those bondages. We need the power of the Holy Spirit. How old were you walking through your age bracket? Yeah, so from about seven when I received Christ, my family eventually did come to church. So it was about a year and a half that we were actually in church and things were better. But then there was some backsliding. And, you know, from... At that point, the backsliding is when things went bad. Yes. Okay. Yes. So we got out of the church. And then life was happening. It was not good. Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. And so I grew up very quick. As a kid, I felt like my innocence was taken away. I seen so much. You know, I just, I wanted to live for God. I did because I accepted Christ in my heart. But again, walking out that walk, you know, I lived in worldly, you know, environments. And so. It's got to be confusing. You know, at a young age, you heard. truth, but then all of a sudden the truth in your family was contrary to that message that God had, and your mother was making a choice not to live in that way. Right. Okay. Yeah, absolutely. So what was happening then? How did you handle all this? Yeah, so honestly, until about 13, my mom went to prison, and it was on World Headline News. Really? Yes. And from 13 to 23... I was hard in the world. You know, before that, though, dealing with it, I cry a lot, honestly. I was just hurt and I was frustrated because the enemy tries to get us at a young age, our identity is skewed, you know, the words that are spoken over us. That's what's so important for us to know our identity in Christ because I believe the lies. I believe the labels. And the thing is, our battle is not against flesh and blood. So my mom loved me, but the open doors... It allowed the enemy access. And I believe these lies. So but from 13, when she went to prison, you know, I tried to commit suicide that night because I knew I knew that that was going to be publicized. You know, our house had gotten raided and. They had found marijuana plants in the house, and it was a mess. But as a kid, as a kid, I said, God, why me? I didn't choose this. And so I tried to commit suicide. Where were you then? Like, were you, who, what other family member was with you? So my father was there. Okay. My father was there, but he had, he went to work and stayed downstairs. You know, he didn't know. He kind of knew, but he didn't really. Yeah. Okay. He didn't know the extent of it. See, my mom had the mentality, if I keep my, if I keep them in the house, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I You know, they'll be safe. You know, if they drink here, they'll be safe. And it wasn't right. I'm not saying it was at all, you know, but that's how she was raised. And, you know, sometimes we see the fruit of how someone is, but we don't know the root. And so if that's what someone's already always known, you don't, you know, they don't know any better. Right. You know, they think that's love, you know. Yeah. The best they know how to love and serve their family. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So what happened? You tempted it. Did your father find you? No. Well, here's the thing. I woke up the next morning after taking a whole bottle of ibuprofen unharmed. I know it was the Lord. The Lord kept me. And see, a few weeks prior, my friend Evan committed suicide. Okay. And my mom at the time had been having an affair with his father. And when that got out, his father was mad that my mom was letting us drink alcohol. So we were blamed. I mean, the community, I had people as a kid telling me that I killed his son. I mean, it was horrible. And so I tried to commit. There was a spirit of suicide that was in that area. And, you know, I was so broken and I felt like all hope was lost. So from 13 to 23, that just continued a spiral of addiction, you know, because I was already labeled as this kid. So you were accepting the lies. Yeah. And see, I had Christ within me and I wanted to live good. I mean, I was an honorable student. I danced at the Broadway Dance Center. Like I had all these things going for me, but all my hopes and dreams were lost. So there had to be a constant torment of right and wrong. And then you didn't have anybody guiding you during that season. I didn't. I didn't. And so I knew God was good, but I hadn't experienced that goodness. And so from 13 to 23, I went hard in the world. I rebelled. I was mad at God because I said, God, if you're so good, then why did all this happen to me as a child? And so it wasn't until I was 23. This is the good part. OK, the redemptive side of my story. You know, at 23, I got my second DUI. And, Cheryl, earlier that day, the Lord, he'll speak to me through license plates. And I was. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. So I was at a stop sign or a stoplight, excuse me. And one of the license plates said, who's God? And the second one said, he's coming. They were lined up beside each other. Wow. Mind you, I mean, I was living. Wow. That's amazing. I was living in sin. In a complete rebellion. But in that, his mercy, he was drawing me. He was chasing me down. Even while yet we're sinners, Christ died for us. And so my friend, who I had been running hard with, looks over at me. She says, that was for you. See, the Lord can use a donkey. He could speak through anyone. You know? Yeah. How creative. How creative, yeah. So I go to jail, and that was my crossroads. Now, this does not happen much, but I was locked up with my mother. How in the world? I was face to face with my mother. So they just accidentally put you together? God allowed it. Yeah, it just happened. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and so the Lord was like, Jennifer, if you want to be forgiven, you have to forgive her. Because if we allow bitterness and unforgiveness in our heart, we can't be forgiven. Yeah. And so it wasn't until then, until I was face to face with my mom and seen her as a child of God and realized, look, she didn't have an easy life. I had to see her as a daughter of God and realize that she didn't have a fair chance. She didn't have the right upbringing. So as I forgave her, I had that time to really have healing in that relationship. And these Pentecostal ladies came in there and they would do Bible studies. And I just began to have this love for the word and started reading Joyce Meyer and watching her boot camp on TV. Oh, right. Wow. That's good. Yes. That's a way to, because she's all about renewing the mind. Absolutely. So it's helping you have a reset of your whole mind thinking. Amen. And changing the dialogue in those labels. Absolutely. Powerful. Absolutely. So I read the Bible full through. I was there for about three and a half months and was reading a lot of Joyce Meyer. And I tell you the peace and the joy that I had, I was like, wow, God, like I was more free in jail than I ever was in the street. And see, I had, I had some knowledge of the word, but I had a God encounter. Once you have a God encounter, no one can take that away from you. Amen. I agree. Yes. So when I come home, you know, I go to this local Pentecostal church and I wasn't familiar with tongues or anything of that nature. And so I get there and the gentleman, the revivalist, starts talking about the glory of God. And I asked the Lord, I said, Lord, let me see your glory. So I go up to the Friday, lays hands on me. I fall out in the spirit for like an hour, just weeping. There was a cleansing that was taking place. There was a healing that was taking place. Right. Because, see, the Lord wants our soul to be whole, be in good health, even as our soul prospers. So how many times do we see people, they've been set free, but their soul's not whole, and they go back to the same mess. Right. Repeat. Yeah. Yeah, so anyhow, I was caught up in the Spirit, weeping before the Lord. And they're praying in tongues over me, and I get up, and Cheryl, everything was brighter. I had this exuberant joy and this peace, and it was literally, I felt like I was walking on clouds. Everything was brighter. And at the time, I didn't have a driver's license, so my dad picks me up, and he's like, Jennifer, are you okay? Because I had just been weeping. He had never seen the power of God. Because see, the power of God, that's what changes us. Exactly. The demonstration in power, not with words. Paul says not with words. Words. Power and demonstration. And so anyhow, from that point on, I just dove into the Word. And really, the Word is alive and active. It changes us. It's our daily bread. And so, you know, the things that used to be appealing, the worldly things, I had to separate from people and some family for a while to get strong in my faith, you know, because bad company corrupts good character. Yes. So I had to make the choice. Sometimes we have to be selfish in a sense. Right. you know, to stay away from that which is toxic. Well, exactly. Yeah, the toxic, and the thing is, when you're saying that, is the Lord showing you and guiding you. I don't know if you had mentors at that point just to help to guide you into his truth. Yeah, discipleship. Yeah, I did. I had a lady that took me under her wing. Okay. Praise God. Because see, here's the thing. You know, I always thought, I had this mindset, I could never be like those good people. I could never be like those church folk. Because the enemy had such a stronghold in my mind that I could never be good enough. But it's not about us being good. Jesus, he's the good one. It's his righteousness. And when you have a revelation of that, you know, he makes us clean. He makes us white as snow. It's not about works, at least anyone boasts. He's already done it. Anyhow, I had this beautiful lady, woman of God, take me under her wing. And I praise God for her because we need discipleship. You know, we get saved, but we need to take people under our wings. Well, and the Word says that, that the older women will mentor and speak to the younger women. And so it is important no matter, but I think even whether it's the physical part, but it's also spiritually. Sure. Those who are more spiritual or have more knowledge of the Word and revelation, they need to also be mentoring younger people in the Word. And so I thank God that the Lord placed her in my life at the time that he did. Because, of course, as I said, I had just gotten out of jail. I needed a foundation. We need our foundation to be built on solid rock. Solid rock. Yeah. And so she just really was patient with me. And, you know, not long after my mom got out of jail, one morning I woke up and I had this feeling in my gut. I said, something's not right. And I know it was the Holy Spirit. I said, something's not right. And I ran to the kitchen and I was looking for my mom and I ran upstairs and she was in our bathroom floor, barely breathing, had a fentanyl patch in her mouth and one on her on her arm and her lips were purple and blue. And the paramedics came and the cop that came and she's since asked for forgiveness. But she said, this will be you. And I said, no, ma'am, I said, I'm no longer an addiction. God has changed my life. You know, when I went to jail, I had a crossroads. I had an encounter with God and I have tasted and I've seen that he is good. We live in a fallen world. Yes, we all go through things, but he is good. And so anyhow... But I love, though, that you did not accept what their verdict was. And that's so important for us today, no matter at what point in our lives, that we can't accept what people say, and we have to shut that down, and we have to now proclaim what God's saying in our lives. And I love that you knew to differentiate and not accept that that was a label or a lie. that you weren't going to receive that curse because that was a curse over your future. That's exactly right. And yet you knew the hope of glory that lies within you. And so I love how you knew how to shift and change, which would be great if you go back to them and find them and proclaim what God has done. Oh, absolutely. She just came back to me. Oh, she did? She came back to me weeks later. Wow, really? And she said, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that you had changed. Because, see, here's the thing. She knew some of my past. Sure. A couple years prior, you know, my mom had actually hit her head on the incline of our pool. We had been drinking. And she was unconscious. My mom was in a coma for a week. Well, she showed up. She showed up and so she knew some of my past, but see, I wasn't living there anymore. God had completely changed me while I was in jail. So yeah, she came and apologized. That's awesome. Yeah, absolutely. Because she identified. Yeah. which is so neat when you think about what, when you have the Word of God dwelling richly within you, that others actually see that there is totally a transformation on the outside. Yes. So what he does to make all things new, powerful. Yeah, and what the enemy meant for harm, God turns it around and uses it for my good. And now I'm able to encourage others, and they say, oh, well, she went through that, then certainly I can get through this. Exactly. He's just so, so faithful. And after my mom passed, I mean, yes, that was hard. But had I not had my foundation in the word, the Lord was so intentional. I had healing with my mom. I was face to face. He knew. He knew. He knows the end from the beginning. But he allowed that time with my mother to have some restoration, some healing. Right. And I had that foundation. And had I not had the foundation in the word, It's the Spirit and the Word. We have to have our grounding in the Word of God. You've made a good point because I think people that are listening, they're hearing two different stories, but it was the choices that you made and your mother made. And your mother made one that literally led to her passing, which is so grievous. But it's, I think, too, those that are here today that we're listening that have walked through personal addictions, walking through different struggles in their life, that they can make the same decision you made. Amen. and speak life. You know, when Lord talks about that in the Word, is I've put before you life and death. In case you didn't know, I'm going to say choose life. And how beautiful it is that you've chosen life. And that gives other people the same hope. No matter where and how low you go, God is still present and He's with you. He's so faithful. He's so faithful. I look at my life now, Cheryl, and I'm like, wow, God, look what you have done. When you surrender, okay, God, he can do anything. You know, I look at the restoration in my life, you know, Mama Laura, how God brought her into my life. You know, I went to the women's conference. I was in Bible college. And, you know, our steps are ordered. And he has divine connections, people he will bring alongside us, you know, so that we will fulfill the calling on our lives, people who will undergird and encourage. Exactly. And my life has forever been changed after meeting her. I didn't realize I had that need of a mother anymore. You know, as I was in Bible college, pouring out that love. And so now, you know, I moved to Alabama. And a year and a half ago, I had never even, you know, been to Alabama. And God had opened up that door to come down there. And, you know, when we're loved, well... You know, we're able to give that love. And she has just been such a blessing to me, you know. And I have a hair salon now that the Lord has, you know, provided everything. You know, and it was His plan. You know, I didn't have to strive for anything. He's so restored everything in my life and the peace and the joy that I live in. You know, I was so used to chaos and dysfunction. And now I wake up, I'm like, wow, Lord. This is amazing. And you have a heart. And from what I remember you telling me is you have a heart for missions. Yes. Souls. Souls. Power of God. Change. Transformation. I want to see people changed because I know what he's done in my life. I had an IV heroin addiction. I was so far off in the world. Drug overdose. I was engaged in my early 20s. to a man who's a millionaire. I had all the money I could have in the world, but what good is it for a man to gain the world and forfeit his soul? I was so empty and I had everything. It looked good on the outside, but what shines is not always gold. You know? The illusion. The illusion. And there's money that comes with sorrow. And I chose the enemy's way. I did. This is the thing. We live in a generation that wants the power of God, but people are seeking it from other directions, tarot cards. And see, and that's what I did. I opened up demonic doors through tarot cards, and it looked good. But I was so happy. But it was taking you to a dark place. So dark. But, you know, that's the thing that's great is no matter how deep and low, like you, you know, those choices you made, that God can literally change you and move you into a new place. And he can shut those doors. Yeah. And I think that that's where we want to, as we really recap, what would you want to share with our listeners about those who may be in that same place or they have a loved one who's walking through a challenge? What would you want to tell them? God is faithful that as you turn things over to him, that he he's faithful to finish the work that he's begun in you. And he's a restorer. You know, your pain is not in vain. And as you release your pain and your hurt to him, he's a mender. He's a mender. You know, he can restore you and make you whole mind, body and spirit. I'm a living witness, someone that has come through depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, unworthiness. And God, he will give you your identity as you get in the word and allow his word to change you from the inside out. You know, nothing is impossible. Nothing is impossible. And it doesn't matter what you've gone through or what you're even encountering right now. He can make beauty out of ashes. He's a faithful father and he's a good father. So if you're someone that has not had a loving father or mother, he is a father to the fatherless. So allow the word of God to change you as you surrender to him. He's good. Wow, Jennifer, thank you so much for sharing. And we hope that you will have shared it with other people to be encouraged that God is faithful. He loves you. He has hope for you. And if you want prayer, please reach out to us at iRefresh.net.