EP 70 In Hard Times, Lean on God - Laura Ballinger

I found that there's not a correct way to pray. I just need to have a conversation with the Lord. My husband passed away six years ago. I told my mom, like, I can feel everyone's prayers for us. And it was just a different feeling. Welcome to iRefresh, where we talk about the power of prayer in God's Word. Welcome to another edition of the Power of Prayer podcast. And I have my friend, Laura Ballinger. Thank you for coming. Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks for having me. Well, we talk a lot about the power of prayer and the Word of God in our lives. And one of the things I've, listening to your story, I mean, we have a really long one, but we all have a long story. Yeah, exactly. But I love when you start talking about how prayer has impacted your life in some real critical times. So I would love for you just to share from your heart how God has been in the midst of some really challenging days. Sure. Well, at first I never prayed a lot. You know, like for me, it wasn't a daily thing that I did all the time. But when there's trouble in our lives, a lot of us like to go right to prayer. You know, we just go right there. And I have found over the last six years that I need to do that more often. It just builds that relationship with the Lord and it's just talking because it's scary to pray. And, you didn't want to pray correctly. I found that there's not a correct way to pray. I just need to have a conversation with the Lord. Exactly. And my parents would always have us pray at dinner time and at night, so I feel like that helped me to be comfortable with praying. and praying out loud. So do you feel like that was what stopped you from praying more earlier on until you had hard moments to deal with it? Were you like, I need to pray, I need to talk with God? I think it was just... Not that it was just the hard moments, but I just hadn't grown spiritually with my relationship with Him enough, I think, to realize how important it is for prayer and to speak to Him. So even though I grew up in the church, it was still slowly taking me to really find Jesus and really have that strong relationship with Him to... And realize how important prayer is. I remember going to work out in the morning and I was just starting to pray. This is just the last few years of thank you for giving me the body to be able to go work out in the mornings, to be able to go lift weights, you know, and do my exercise. Because there's many people out there that can't. Very true. Very true. And now you like to lift weights, which we both do, but you're an avid volleyball player. Yes. Yes, very much so. I love being active, you know, going and whether it's doing any kind of sports or outside activities or whichever. And I'm so blessed that I'm able to still do that. You're recognizing like that's a gift when you start seeing other people don't have that same ability. Exactly. Yes. And I have found that I have to find positives throughout life to get through it. And my husband passed away six years ago. And with that, there's many trials in there. And I hadn't learned or realized how important prayer is until after that. After he passed, I remember feeling everyone's prayers for me and my daughters. I told my mom, like, I can feel everyone's prayers for us. Wow. And it was just a different feeling. Right. I mean, isn't it amazing, though, like you really recognize, like when it's the most critical time in our lives, that he so shows up in such a big way. And, you know, sometimes it's like you don't know how to pray or you don't know, like, did I actually pray? But like how God surrounded you with people that were lifting you up. I think it's a beautiful thing. It's just like Moses needing Aaron and her to hold up his arms in the war. That people were worrying for you to help you in such a difficult time with his passing. Right. People that I didn't even know. Just the response that I got from the community when he passed of even people coming and bringing food to our house that I didn't even know. And the... Lord works in amazing ways, you know, to do that, because then that brought some connections and relationships out of that. And even moving forward these last six years, you know, I have to find that positive in our life. And I have to keep going because I have my daughters. You have two daughters. Yes, I have two daughters, two teenage daughters. Yes. But they weren't teenagers then, you know, and so it is a trial with being a widow and raising two girls and what all comes with that. It was just a little hard for us. And I was praying for life to be easier, too. But I don't know what that looks like. And I have had to learn patience. And so we decided to move from Kansas to Oklahoma about three years ago. And it was a big thing. I mean, my girls came kicking and screaming. You know, they didn't want to leave their friends. No, no, not at all. I mean, it's, I quit my job, sold my house, came to Oklahoma with nothing, um, no job, anything. And my sister lived here. So it was just kind of a fresh start for us and to start over. Right. And so then it was just praying that the house would sell. And within six days of Pitnall Market, it sold. And asking price and nothing really needed to be done to it. That's back before all this housing change in the last past year. Yeah, that was like three years ago. But it was just like... It's things I look back and it's like, okay, this was the right move. This was what we are supposed to be doing. You know, this is the right direction because moving here, it put me in a community where I'm learning more and more about prayer too and has, you know, really helped me with finishing raising my daughters. You never finished just in case. Right. Wrong choice of words. It's a continuation of seasons, new chapters. Right. We're finishing out their teen years, I guess, or coming into it. Now there's desperate prayers. Right. For sure. I mean, I do have issues with being an only parent, you know, and raising kids. I don't have somebody else to help me or to back me up or be the bad guy once in a while. It's easy for me to get exhausted with doing that, but I just know with my prayers, it's It's, I know, Lord, you have them, and I surrender my girls to you. And you know what I love when I hear about your family is such an incredible unit together. Like they're always praying and encouraging and sharing with each other. And you brought them into that space of helping you in that process, especially when you're moving to, like you don't have any but your family you know. Exactly. And you still have that. that core group of family prayers. Yes. Which not everybody has that either. Oh, I know. So that's a beautiful representation of what a family looks like. Yeah. Very blessed. I'm very blessed to have the family I do. And I have four sisters and my parents, and we'll get on Facebook Messenger video, and it's like the Brady Bunch with all the windows, you know? That's awesome. And so there we are, and we will talk for hours and pray for each other and be there. And we always make sure we're together once a month. But it is supporting. I mean, we had many trials after my husband died, another death in the family, and then cancer with my mom. And it was tough on my girls. Again, coming here to Oklahoma from Kansas, you know, I have just, God has shown me the blessings and that it was the right move. And every time I do pray, I am seeing, you have to wait. It is patience with God because you're not going to see it all at first. They're getting built in us. Yes, for sure. And so right now with my girls, early teenagers, it's a hard time for us. And I just know that I pray and give them to the Lord. He has their path already laid out. And my prayers are just that he helps me get through that and gives me the wisdom that I need to parent them. I mean, even though that it's difficult is if we can lean on each other, as we know, when you share that, that's what I've always loved about and sharing. my trials with raising children, each of those stages, somebody has an idea like, oh, wait, that's a great idea. I could have that idea with the word, with prayer to help us to do our very best to be able to raise godly men and women of God as they grow up so they will know how to hear God's voice. What an important area, though, that you invite God into that space and for them to see that you're exemplifying a praying woman. That's amazing. I mean, that's such a great thing, learning how to hear God's voice and to praying, being in the word that they see that. And from what I'm hearing, you've been talking about in your life is it's been growing, even in your time in the word. in time and seeing how to pray even more effectively for them. Absolutely. And it's the people that have come into my life and the circumstances I've gone through that have helped me. And it just reiterates this move here to Oklahoma was the right move to do. And I've never been around so many people in my life that were Christian people and they prayed. And, you know, and it's okay to reach out. I reached out to my church just the other day for prayer for me and my daughters. And someone called me from church and just talked a little bit about what was going on. And they prayed for me right then. And I have learned through it all that it's okay to reach out and ask for that. And the more that we are coming together, the more prayer warriors I have out there praying for me and my daughters... the better it's going to be. And I just, I can't stop, you know, growing. It's just put that fire in me to just keep seeking the Lord and to pray. And it doesn't matter that they're not perfect prayers like I thought they needed to be. You know, it's a dialogue. But as much as it is you and I are talking, that's what our communications with the Lord, He already knows our thoughts anyway. So when we can let loose, I mean, you know, like there's times we just have to let loose of our frustrations or there's our anger or disappointments and our griefs because you've had such a plethora of that. Nobody knew your story. They were like, she seems like life is good and all that. And you're very peaceful. So your characteristic of who you are is very peaceful, a nice smile, life is good. You're very easygoing. How's it going? But when you begin to hear your backstory, you're like, what is that? How could she be that way? So, I mean, it really speaks well of that something within you is known how to dive deep and rely on God. Yeah. And I'm sure, you know, we try to rely on ourselves. Oh, sure, yeah. But it only goes so far. Right. You're right? Yeah. Yeah. And I relied on myself or tried to, and you fail or the outcome is not good. I've had to learn to just be patient and don't force what I think is best, you know, or what I want to do. And with my husband passing, I also know that it's very easy for people to blame God. And why did you let this happen? And I never went that direction. I just know it's not God's fault. We all have free will, you know, of whatever it is that we do. And because of the circumstances, I just didn't blame him. Yes, my life got terribly hard and my daughters lost their dad. And sometimes I feel bad because I grew up with my dad. And I was so blessed to have my dad and my sisters and both my parents there and still have my dad. And this is something my girls will never be able to experience growing up with a father and... The things that my dad did for me and with me, my girls will never experience that. And I feel so guilty. And it would be so easy for me to say, why did you let this happen, God? Why to my daughter? But I can't. I can't do that. I just pray that we all find our happiness and our love for each other and we just stick together. And we're just going to be a different family. You said you weren't angry with God. So what were you thinking towards God? What were your thoughts towards God? Or how were you processing it at that moment? Well, I was in a Bible study, and it was in Made to Crave. But it was more, I think, more of a diet book, you know, crave God instead of food type of a thing. And I'm a very visual person. And I remember the lady teaching the class, and she said she would sit in a chair and visualize herself crawling up on Jesus' lap. and sitting there and going to him instead of the food in the refrigerator. And for me, that was very visual. It's like, I am feeling so depleted. I'm feeling so exhausted. And I don't know how to do this with my girls and to raise them and to play good cop, bad cop with them and everything else. It's just, I would visualize God sitting there beside me in the car, in the passenger seat, you know, or in my living room. And I just sit on his lap and just say, help me. I know you're here for me. And if it wasn't for God being here at my side, giving me the strength to move forward, because we get in the situations and He wants us to come to Him. He wants us to go to Him, to have Him help us get through things. We do experience things that are harder than we can ever go through or get ourselves through, but we need to lean on Him and go to Him to help us. And it's just the little things. And so I think that Bible study happened at just the perfect time for me to go to get through the process and go through it and learn to look to Him and lean to Him. And so it wasn't, never ever have I gone to blaming God for anything. You're right. When you trusted God to help you, even if you didn't know what to do or you didn't know what to pray or what to go on, because you were a teacher at the time, too. Yes. So I don't know how you were trying to do that, navigate that when the transition with your children. But then moving, you totally took away all those known factors for all of you. and have, you know, I'm going to call it blind faith. Yeah. Because it really is a walk of faith. It is. It's trusting like this is what we need to start afresh. Right. And it's hard when it's by yourself. I mean, usually I would have my husband there to talk about these hard decisions and life changing decisions. Should we move? Should we not move? And yeah, I have my parents and my sisters and friends to talk to and things, but ultimately it's my decision. Nobody else is. And I hope I'm making the right choice. Yes, I pray about it. And you get those nudges from the Holy Spirit. And sometimes they were still like, okay, I hope this is it. I hope this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I think it's what I'm supposed to be doing. Right. Right. Right. But then when my house sold within six days, I thought... I know that I was supposed to be here. This is what I was supposed to be doing. And even with my job that I'm at, it was never anything I wanted to do or had thought about doing at all. I have an education in elementary, you know, of teaching. And I managed a gym. And then I go to Oklahoma and get a job that... It's nothing with management or kids or anything, but it's where I feel the Lord needed me to be and still be because I'm surrounded by amazing Christian people who pray for me. Isn't that amazing, though? That God knew and he was orchestrating your life. He knows how to love us and care. When you see the Psalms, he even talks about sometimes how he embraces. And for you, feeling that sense of his hug. Right. There's nothing richer when you sense it and you know it and you experience that community around you. Yeah. And there are times I didn't even know what to say in my prayers. It's just, okay, God, you know my heart, and I don't even know what to say, and I feel like I have so much to say and so much to pray for, and I don't know how to do it, but He knows, you know, He knows what's in our heart. It's just been... showing me as time has gone on these last six years that I am going in the right direction. I am moving closer to him and building that relationship. And I'm getting my family around the right people that need to be around us and for sure myself and getting me built up and knowing that I have support and others there backing me up and praying with me and not just for me. That's powerful. As we're wrapping up, I'd love for you to have a takeaway to speak to our listeners and how you want to encourage them when they're going through a very difficult time. Well, what I would say is, you know, it's easy again for us to blame God for things, but we really just need to take a step back and just pray to him for more guidance. and wisdom and strength to get through those and find the positive. I have to find the positive in every situation. And so I would use my time driving to work. I had a 20, 30-minute drive, and I would just pray. And that was my prayer time. And find the time to pray and just give thanks. Just start with thanking Him. Find maybe three things that you can thank God for every day and just start that way. And for me, that helped build me out of that rut of being sad and just finding things that make me happy and that I'm thankful for. That's great, Laura. You know, you shared some really great truths of that we can go to the Lord. We can go to our community, receive prayer, encouragement, stay in the word, and. And that's where I think it's really helped you as you've grown into more of that every day. And so we want to encourage you, too, our listeners, to encourage you to just try it out if you haven't. And make sure you gather around. We have a wonderful community called the I Refresh Community in the Facebook area. We would love to have you join us and be a part of that group because we want to pray and encourage each other. And we also have irrefresh.net where you can go and find resources to help you. Just like Laura was getting more in the word by listening to some of those. That's right. Some of our podcasts and what have you in the past. Yes. It's really a difference. Well, thank you for sharing with us. Thank you.