EP 69 Walking in Faith Through Transition - Patty Gerstenberger

When change is brought on, how are we responding to that? And really, I think sometimes when somebody we know and love is going through a transition, we put on them what we think they need. I love change as long as I initiate it, right? Welcome to iRefresh, where we talk about the power of prayer in God's Word. Welcome to another edition of I Refresh, the Power of Prayer podcast. And I have with me my friend and my life coach, Patty Gerstenberger. Hi, Cheryl. Good to have you here. So happy to be here. Thank you for having me. Okay, you and I as friends, we have talked about so many different transitions in life. I thought it'd be great for us just to address those. And how do you see it as a friend, but as a life coach and just your experiences? Mm-hmm. No, I think that's good. And even as a coach, that's one of the things that almost every client I see is walking through. I mean, they come to me because they're walking through some sort of transition. And a lot of times those transitions they haven't initiated yet. Oh, that's, yeah. So even the response, I really believe that the Lord strategically tells us how we can even walk through when change comes. Because, you know, I love change as long as I initiate it. Right? Exactly. Right. That just speaks to my controlling ways. But when change is brought on by either something in life or a lot of times, you know, even something not good happening in life, How are we responding to that? And I believe that truly the two keys to transition are prayer and the word. Amen. I really agree. Yeah. And that's who I Refresh is. That's why I love your ministry. And I Refresh is so powerful in bringing that to every part of our life. So when somebody is walking through a transition, even inviting the Lord into it, Because a lot of times when something happens, we're just in survival and trying to respond. But that's not normal. Like when you're saying that, that's something that I've learned from you is a takeaway is instead of reacting, is how can we do life better, whether it's someone close or a friend or a family member or a spouse, right? is teaching us how we can respond in a better way, instead of our initial maybe thought process. Right, well, and you're correct, and even there's two different transitions or changes when we're walking through it, and then when somebody in our arena is walking through a transition. And really, I think sometimes when somebody we know and love is going through a transition, we put on them what we think they need and how they should respond. And we don't like it when somebody does that to us. So just even knowing the power of asking questions, what do you need? Well, and that's, I think that's a difficult, I think, you know, when you, depending on our personalities, I almost feel like some respects is too, like, can you not read my mind? You know, especially if it's a close friend, and like, don't you know, based on what just happened to me, like I've just transitioned with one of my sons, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, but you know, sometimes you want the friend to ask about it, and then sometimes, You know, I just want to be quiet about it. Right. And then how, as a friend, how do we help to know, well, what do they need? And I've done it poorly. So this is not, you know, I'm not a pro at any of this. I'm right there along with you where having an honest relationship, and really it starts with me being honest with myself. So for me to ask that person and have and foster a relationship that is honest, that they can really say, I actually need space. That's good. Easier said than done. But, okay, so when someone tells you that, I'm like, how do you receive that and not be offended by it? Well, it's not all about you. I mean, honestly. And I struggle with the same thing. Well, that's not how you should respond. Well, once again, we're all selfish by nature. And even for you to tell me, I actually need space, then I can ask you, well, what does that mean? Okay, so clarifying. So the best thing is, what does that look like to you? Because space might be just two days. Well, and space might be... You know, I mean, don't ask questions. Right, right. Let's just go hang out. We'll talk about that subject. And even honor and just even following up with saying, how can I best support you? So you've asked what they needed. You've asked how you can support them. And, you know, sometimes people don't want you. You know, I'm an extrovert. My husband's an introvert. He has different responses, you know, which... That's what makes marriage strong, right? I'm sure you and your husband say the same thing. But having friends that you really foster that relationship that you can—you don't want to look the other way when they're walking through something. That's not—you know, a friend walks with us. Yes. That doesn't mean that I have—you're not interested in my opinion or what my thoughts are about you. But we want them to walk with us, and that's even inviting them to that place of telling you what they need. See, now I think that takes relationships to a really deeper level because my tendency would be, my natural inclination, even though those who are closest to me, is... If we're around each other, I may bring it up or they're going to have to initiate it. But then it's not their fault that they don't really know what I'm walking through. And then the bad part I noticed, too, is later on, they're wondering like, oh, I had no idea. But then again, that's my fault. They didn't know. Yeah. And I didn't. But there's, you know, I think that's hard. Like you're saying is communicating. If I understand communicating clearly with the friend, what is it you need or what you're walking through. Right. And then what you need. Right. And honestly, sometimes we need a redo. I do that really poorly. Would you forgive me and would you give me another opportunity? That's how we, when the Bible talks about that we sharpen each other, that can be a little painful. But me asking you, how can I be a better friend if you don't choose to tell me? I can't do anything about that. But we also can't read each other's mind. Well, but I think, you know, when you say redo, I'm like, now that is allowing yourself, the two of you, to make sure there's no offense, there's no hurt feelings, but a quick resolve and clarity, which would make for a better relationship in the future. And it keeps pride out of there. For me to assume I know what you need and I have the best ideas for you that. I'm elevating myself and making it all about me, which is prideful. So I do think, and I want to be a good friend, but I have to learn that. And everyone's different, every personality is different. I'm sure even in your bouquet of friendships, everyone's different. So even learning that, but sometimes the best way that we can learn that is invite it. How can I be a better friend? Or this happened in your life, what could I have done differently? And just holding it loosely, but realizing that that's an area of growth. And the power of the word, even, you know, inquiring the Lord, how can I best pray for that person? Whether you let them know or not, that doesn't, it's about really finding the word of God that's living and active. And that's really the best position that you can be in as you're someone you know and love is walking through and then praying for them. And I have a lot of people who say, I don't know how to pray. Well, Me either. We're learning. But praying the Word of God, reading Scripture, and praying that over people, I would love it if someone did that for me. And I know you would too. That's powerful. No, there's nothing better when you know that someone has texted you and said, I was praying for you or I've been praying for you, or when they share a Scripture, and you'd be one of those people. You know, I feel like then there's a friend who will sometimes, when she does it, it's usually when she says, I've been praying for you, I'm like, oh, that means there's something about to happen. And I'm like, oh. It's almost dread. I'm like, it's good. She's preparing me because I'm about to face a challenge. But the power of knowing you're being backed with someone praying is probably the most, I think best treasure of a friendship, of knowing reaching out. And I think even in my time in the Lord in the morning, a lot of times the scripture, I will feel inclined to share it with someone. And it's amazing how I didn't know other than I just sent it to them. Right. And they're so encouraged and feel so known and loved. And somebody thought of them. It's like a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I love how you say that. That's great. Yeah. Well, and I need that in my own life. You know, going through transitions when we go through them ourselves, you know, a lot of times even where we're going, whether it's a giant move or. you know, we've had some bad news, a lot of times the process is really as important as where you're going. So inviting the Lord into that. And, you know, when people are walking through a big transition, it's an opportunity to say, what are some things I don't want to take in the next season? That's good. But then that means you're being brave enough to see what you did before and how you don't want to repeat history. Right. And to make it a better. Right. Or behaviors and then even being intentional with, you know, what do I want in this next season? Lord, what are some things that I feel called to be a woman of the word? Well, you have to be in the word to be a woman of the word. Yes. It's that part of us that we have to exercise. It's, you know, for me to buy a gym membership and not go to the gym and wonder why. You know, there's no fruit. No results here. Yeah, yeah. No, but, you know, I think it's when you talk about it, like whether it's, let's say, a transition of moving. You know, I've had family members that have been moving away, and I'm getting ready to go visit family. But that has that emotional tug to it. You know, when you've moved away, you've done the same thing. You've moved several times. How do you, have you found that you've processed that type of transition? What is it that you would say, I would love this from my friends to help me in that? And community is important. And I feel like we live in a day and an age that we don't have to be this community to really support and love each other. So I do think community is really important. Moving to a new place, you know, looking for that community. And it doesn't have to be. Even a church, it could be, you know, a hiking group or it could be even an opportunity for you to serve the things that you love and find people who enjoy those as well. But I think, you know, as far as a transition and even supporting somebody through a transition, it's... It's just being intentional and asking what they need. So how do you do it for the personality that's not common? It's not natural to them. How would you help them transition into literally asking those kind of questions? Yes, that's a really great question. I think even for them to ask themselves, what do I want? Like even in the transition of am I being wholehearted in this? We've moved, as you know, we've moved across the country several times. And I can move but leave my heart here. Yes. So being either fragmented or compartmentalized, it doesn't work. We cannot make a transition if we've left different pieces in different places. So inviting the Lord to that place of I want to transition all of me, like through the change. I don't want to leave my emotions. You can be someplace physically, and you know when some place is there physically, but you're like, where are you? That's not, you know, you're not with me. So I think even for somebody who's more introverted or somebody who doesn't, even doesn't enjoy people, we still need community. Community doesn't have to be 50 people. Right. You know, just having that friend or having somebody who knows you and really allows them to be known. We want to be known and we want to know. There's a lot of power in that. That's really good. We don't need 30 people, you know, to have that. And Jesus is a great example of even, you know, his closer friends. And he had great friends, but it was like a circle going out. So community is, you know, another key to transition. It just looks differently for everybody. That's good. And you think... You know, community, like you said, has different realms. But I think, too, we have to be careful that we don't spread ourselves out. Some extroverts, they spread yourself out. So why? Why are you looking at me? No, no. Well, you know, because I'm like, I find that I have to be careful, too. It's because then I have, like you said, different layers of relationships. And if I only have so much time, where do I need to put that time? How do you make sure you balance in your transition and maintaining those relationships and creating new ones? I think the time with Jesus is first and foremost. We can't afford to move a step without him. So making that your anchor. My husband doesn't meet all my needs. He wasn't created to. So I can't have the expectations. And if I'm angry because we've moved again, I agreed to it. I really need to go to the Lord or get counseling or whatever I want. whatever I need for me to be wholehearted. But I do think it's important for you to ask the Lord and to know what you're supposed to be doing. And my life does not look like the same thing in the different cities. Well, it's not supposed to. You know, that's that in Isaiah where... He talks about that, do you not perceive it? You know, it's... Yes, that new thing. That new thing. That means that it is not going to look. My friendships are not going to look the same. But it's also an expansion. You know, we're here in a short time. We're all, our eyes are all on eternity. So for us to look at it as more of an expansion than a ripping or tearing. That's good. It's perspective. You know, you've talked about, too, about perspective from two different places. Whether it's my perspective, like when you did move, my perspective initially was not good. I didn't repent right away because I wanted to feel it, the emotion of the distance. You were more mad at my husband than me. Yeah, I wasn't upset with you. So I apologize for Roger. I don't think I ever did apologize. But, you know, my attitude initially was like, are you kidding me? So I had to look at it from a different, and I had to yield it to the Lord. Mm-hmm. And that's what I think is great is some things are just painful and you have to, you're right, who's our best friend is Jesus Christ. And so I knew I had to give that away to the Lord first because I didn't want when I would come in touch with you, it's like, oh, when we see each other, how am I going to be? Because I didn't want to then react to you. Right. Right. But I felt that anguish mixed your emotions. And, you know, I think I'm like, your perspective helped me. And I wanted to be the friend I needed to be. But, you know, change, like you said, when it's not initiated. Like, I didn't choose that. You know, so I'm like, I had no control of it. Right. But I do control my response. Mm-hmm. And so I've learned that even from you, and I want to do it well with you. Because now as I'm transitioning, as I've had one son get married, another one's gone off to school again, that's been like, I'm doing pretty good with it. Absolutely. And it's God's grace, because he is good to bring comfort, and then he brings around, because you came the very next day to connect with you after one of my transitions. I'm like, God knows how he delights in us. And I think that's the beauty of what God does. Yes. He brings what we need sometimes when we are yielded to him. He takes care and nurtures us. Yes. And he wants to. He wants to. And you would not have the opportunity to go kayaking. In Idaho. Exactly. It was such a great treat. I loved it. So I got to vacation, so I appreciate Roger. He's a great cook, too. Even that difficult season, even between us, really ended up being a gift of opportunity of... even for us to be honest about that, which we were, but also to really even create, how do I want to respond? This isn't going to be the last time that somebody's given me news or there's a change, family, friends, business, whatever. Lord, how do you want me to respond? And it's not about being controlled or doing the perfect thing, but we really do want to respond well Because people remember my outbursts or inappropriate behavior. And I don't want to be known by that. Like I represent Jesus. So even knowing, like, how do I respond where I'm a good listener and even stirring up that heart of gratitude. And that gratitude is going to allow me to bridge knowing there are some good things. I just don't want to look at it. And when we have change, there are some times where we do need to mourn. Or there's something that we really need to walk through. We don't want to just glass over it, but we do want to recognize, you know, the emotions of it. But then we can choose out, okay, Lord, we invite him in. How do you want me to walk this out that I can honor, you know, my friend in walking through this, but we want to keep moving forward. That's good. And we don't want to stay stuck there. Exactly. That's what the, you know, the word is life. We want to be life. And, you know, it's amazing what God does. He truly blesses beyond when we have given it to that place where he helps us walk through it with grace. Yes. So good. Versus run a fit. Right, right. Well, you know, sometimes we have to do that. We have our moments. Yeah. That's where pickleball is really helpful. Exactly. You let out your aggression. Sometimes you just need to go out there and hit the ball as hard as you can. That's right. Yeah, that's good. So you have some really good scriptures you said, too, that you wanted to share with us. I just want to encourage you that even in the season, if you have any change or transition going on, that the Lord really wants you to thrive and not just survive. And he's given us some specific words that even when we go through changes, he doesn't. And that's very, very comforting. In Philippians 4, 6 through 8, there's different translations, but there's a beautiful one in the Passion Translation saying, don't be pulled in different directions. Like, look for him. Invite him in. Pray. But even that pouring ourselves out and allowing, you know, he talks about fasten. Fasten your thoughts on him. So that allows us, like you said, the perspective of really wanting not to be so consumed with the change or the transition. Because I don't want that to define me. Change is part of life. Yes. I want to really find Jesus and find what he has in for me because he has gifts and opportunities for me. But if I'm so consumed with myself, I won't see it. And neither will anyone else. That's good. And we're called to be a light even in the midst of a change and a transition. Yeah, because if he says he guides us. And his direction for us and everything is for good. Right. Then we know that there's a God encounters ahead. And so he is moving you into a place where you can touch other lives. Right. And we're not called to be content. Like we have a story and that means highs and lows and everything in between. It makes you go to the next chapter. That's right. That's right. But it is his story. It is his story through us. Yeah. So I would like you, as we're closing, just to highlight what do you think is the takeaways on transition that you'd want to share and encourage people on how to transition well? You know, when somebody mentions the word change, what is your response? And if you don't know or you think, oh, I think I'm fine, ask somebody you know and love how you respond to change. You know, we're all we're happy to give each other feedback and invite the Lord into that. Invite him and just taking that time and space and the word, having the word and really taking time to find the word in your season and praying through it will really allow you to have his perspective and not my perspective, which is truly key. And then if someone you know and love is walking through a transition, ask. Yeah. What do you need? Don't tell. Don't make it about you, but make it about them. And if it's bumpy, ask for feedback. Right. That's good. That way you can really be a true friend who walks somebody through a transition being the support that they want, not what you want. And that will also bring honor to God. That's good. Because it's not about always about us. It's not about me. Absolutely. Well, thank you, Patty, for sharing. Thank you. What an honor. It's so good because, you know, we all go through transition. It's inevitable. But when we can do it with the Lord's help, with his word, with prayers and with friends and really being bold enough to ask those questions. Like we want to really encourage you. Ask the questions because we're better together.