EP 66 A Life of Prayer Courageously Uncomfortable - Lisa Goins

Usually by the time we're saying a prayer, we've already answered it in our head, so we have this storyline of how we think it's going to play out and what it's going to look like. And because of that, I think we don't notice sometimes the way God is answering our prayers, because it doesn't look like that picture that I already had in my head. It's just a shame for God. I think He wants to do more in your life, but you're willing to settle for less. Welcome to iRefresh, where we talk about the power of prayer in God's Word. Welcome to another episode. I have my friend who's an author, Lisa Goins. Welcome. Thank you. So good to be here. I'm so glad. I just finished this incredible book, Courageously Uncomfortable. And we want to talk about one part of it, about the whole thing about being courageous and about prayer. Yes. One of my favorite topics. So tell me about just like, what is the one thing that you find is the most challenging thing about prayer? I think probably the most challenging thing is that most of us, if we're willing to admit it, are afraid to pray. Maybe it's sometimes even in our own home, hearing our own voice. Getting used to the sound of your voice in prayer feels uncomfortable. And then take it to a different level when you think about praying in public. Fear pretty much just stops everybody cold. You know, that's funny because I remember I would wait till all the family would go to bed. And I like to pray sometimes a little bit out loud, like when I really feel like I'm really pressing in with something. But I'm very conscious if I think anybody's awake because I don't want them to hear anything I'm saying with the Lord. Because I'm really trying to be very authentic with the Lord or I'm just wrestling with something. But when you kind of hear yourself begin to pray... It's amazing what happens or you kind of want to shut down and you think, oh, I just heard a sound in the house. It's true. I'm an empty nester. And I still, when my husband rounds the corner because I'm up early before him, it still brings that, oh, time to stop. Right. Kind of thought in me. After all of these years, it still does that. So what have you countered with other people experiencing that? What do you tell them? What have you tried to help overcome? I think first you have to get in your mind that if you wait until that moment that you feel comfortable praying, you're never actually going to pray and do it or pray out loud or get used to the sound of your voice. And so when I am talking with women, that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to help them understand that you have to move and do even though you feel uncomfortable. So yeah. Let's start there. Let's realize that the first step we're going to take is to pray and hear our voice and pray out loud. But we're not looking to be comfortable with it. We're actually just looking to do it. And in not elaborate ways, simple ways, easy ways. Yeah. Conversational ways. Well, because it is, it's just a conversation with God. And I think we get in our mindset because we've heard other people pray, which is part of, I think, sometimes the fear is that comparing ourselves, which maybe causes us not want to pray out loud because like I compare myself, well, they really know how to pray. Right. I don't know if you've experienced that within your, you know, your own community. But to me, I feel like that's a hindrance that people kind of face. Yeah, I think that's probably the number one hindrance. So we all have someone, you know, as a believer, we've heard people pray. We hear the pastor pray from stage, or maybe there's the woman that's in charge of your Bible study group. And so she's the one that always prays and we get accustomed to hearing it a certain way. And we actually get comfortable with the way that somebody else does it. And then we think that has to be our way. We have to sound like them, say those words, be able to, you know, say the scripture from reference where it's found inside it word for word, because somebody else could do that. I've been a pastor now married for 29 years, and I still can't cite exact references and word for word. Or if you gave the wrong reference point. Have you ever done that? Like, whoops. Well, it was closed. I was in the right book. Right. Let's just go with it was in the Word. Right? It was there. I think it's in Ephesians. I did that like the other day. I just said, I go Ephesians 6 and then someone's like, no, it's 4. I'm like, okay, fine. And you're like, okay, do not give reference points unless you actually have it. I think we disqualify ourselves. We do. And we get in the way of just having that communion with the Father. Yeah. Yeah. It's so true. We're not meant to do a certain amount of knowing Jesus for a certain amount of time or being a believer for three years. And then I'm going to be equipped enough to be able to rise up and pray for a friend. It's not any of those things. It's at the very moment. You know, I think about the woman at the well, just because I just did a message about her. But the moment she met Jesus at the well, she went and spoke out loud and told about him, like activated in that moment, spiritually activated. That's good. Okay. We give ourselves these long lists of to do's first when really the moment Jesus is in us, we're spiritually activated if we're willing to admit it. That, no, that, I love that, that's powerful. Our prayers are activating. It's stirring up that faith, but we activate heaven. Like our Father is wanting us to change the atmosphere by our prayers. Yes, He is, He is. You know, they say the people's greatest fear is public speaking, and I would be that person as well, but I think that's why fear of prayer and hearing our voice in prayer and then taking it to another level of praying for other people, Invoke such a fear in people because it literally is that it is conversational is speaking and and that's hard for people It's hard for women to do that You know the other thing when you're saying that it makes me think too is when we say something out loud We are making a declaration and And we have to stand on whatever that is that we just said. I mean, there's power in our words if we recognize that. And I think that is making a commitment that I am believing for something. Because think about it. When we've had prayers, I mean, do we feel like every one of our prayers are answered to like what we think they should be? Yeah. Right. I mean, thank the Lord they haven't all been that way. Right. What we thought we really needed or wanted. And it's it kind of gets answered a different way. I mean, I think it also makes us think twice when we begin to say something. that can we all imagine God actually doing what we're just praying? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, to me, that's where true belief comes from. And you hit a point that is something that I think about all the time and that usually by the time we're saying a prayer, we've already answered it in our head. So we have this storyline of how we think it's going to play out and what it's going to look like. Yes. And we... Because of that, I think we don't notice sometimes the way God is answering our prayers because it doesn't look like that picture that I already had in my head. So we have to kind of like just do away with the way we think it's supposed to look. God knows our heart. He knows what we want. And so, but it's his way. That's hard. Right. I mean, I'm years in now serving the Lord, and that is still hard for me to get rid of the own picture in my head of the way I think some things should look and then not be disappointed when my prayer didn't turn out that way. You know, I think when you talk about that, there's a couple when you talk about the woman at the well. Mm-hmm. She was bold enough to declare and speak of this Jesus. And it's just like what you're saying is we have to be courageous because on the other side of that, if we also realize the benefit and the blessing that comes... by praying, even if it's not even out loud, even if it's just learning to have that constant dialogue with the Lord, what he would do to speak back to us and share his wisdom and his insight with whatever we're, we're praying or concerned about. Yeah, it's true. I think it takes prayer to be able to recognize the fact that because you pray, he wants to speak back to you. You know, women all the time, and I would include myself in this because I used to think that I, though I married into the ministry, I was that one woman that couldn't hear from God. Like, I didn't know how he spoke. People would say, oh, the Lord said, or I heard him speak. And I would take it very literal. Didn't you? I was on the sidelines thinking, but I don't. And that, instead of causing that to help me question, well, what do you mean? Or how do I hear from the Lord? I just shrunk back and thought, I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't hear from God. But it was because I didn't have a prayer life that was setting me up to hear. In all the ways we hear Him speak, in a song, in the devotion that we read that morning, in a conversation with a friend, all of the ways. And so that's one thing that I love to hear. talk with women about is everybody has got to understand the way the Lord speaks to them. But if you're not speaking to him first, how does that conversation happen? It happens in prayer. So if you're so afraid to pray and put those prayers out there, it's really hard to hear from the Lord. That's so true. Conversation is two ways, right? Right. And that's what he's wanting. He wants that conversation. I think it's so powerful when you think about, what the Lord is wanting, but what our fear and inhibitions or whatever has caused us to get quiet. Yeah. And how God is wanting to shift us into understanding. And, you know, one of the things with I Refresh, too, is about we desire people, not just, I've learned from one of our team members, is learning how to pray His Word. Yeah. And the power of his word, if I just begin to say it out loud, which could be a prayer, you know, for someone who's even new in prayer, what are some things that you think would help them? Like, OK, how to start taking those first baby steps into praying? Yeah. OK, so I love this because I have what I think of as the ABCs of prayer. Love it. But I think this is good if you are brand new to as a believer or new to just tackling prayer or if you have been in it a long time. But it's accountability. So and I know that that's your heart, too, with women and together. So you can pray and you can be that person who's praying in her home and in the morning. And that conversation has to happen. But when you involve even one other person in your life. that knows you're undertaking this prayer challenge or just this dedication to prayer, and they're holding you accountable. I mean, accountability will take you further than any kind of great ability ever will. So it's just engage some accountability in the fact that you have a prayer life. B is believe, and it's believing His word. You know, they go together. We can pray, but without the word or the word without prayer. Right. Definitely. They have to go together. Cake without frosting. Makes no sense to me. Oh, yeah. Exactly. I don't understand why somebody has it just one way but not the other. So, yeah. But yeah, so you have to believe his word. So you need accountability. And when you're reading the word, you have to believe what you're reading. And then the C is confidence. And it's confidence in your own voice to hear yourself pray. Because the more you hear the words coming out your mouth, the more likely you are... to retain it later or to think, I said that out loud. I heard myself say it. I heard myself say it and I believe it. And I then talk to somebody else about it. I mean, it's so easy. It's just accountability and belief and confidence, but confidence is hard when you're quiet. We have to hear our voice in prayer. Now, what do you do for the person whose personality? Yeah. They're going to use excuse, but I'm just a quiet person. Okay. What do you tell them? Yeah. Then you can talk quietly. Okay. So I am actually a quiet person. Okay. So I can be here and I can talk and I love people, but I energize by myself. So I'm not energized by a big group of people and I'm still... you know, afraid of public speaking, even though it's what I do. So you can be a certain personality type. You can be quiet. I would say to her, I'm not telling you that you have to get on the stage and pray in front of your entire church. I'm telling you, you need one person in your life that you're talking to about prayer that you're starting this conversation with. And then once you do see what God wants to develop in you. But, you know, I think, In our life, all those excuses, right? Right. We throw out, I'm just quiet. Oh, I, I just, you know, I don't, I, I can't put two sentences together to talk to people. That's what I used to think that I was. Um, it's just a shame for God. I think he, he wants to do more in your life, but you're willing to settle for less because you're saying, I'm just quiet. It's just the way I made me. God uses quietness as much as he uses boldness and loudness. He loves both or he wouldn't have created us that way. Right. But that doesn't mean that we aren't still meant and equipped and well equipped to do the things that he tells us in his word that we need to do and be and become. That's good. What about the person who has prayed? Yeah. But on the other side of that, maybe someone passed away. Maybe the prayers they prayed, the end result was devastating or heartbroken. How do you encourage them to move past that or deal with it, but keep moving forward? Yeah. Okay. So that to me is a huge question because who of us here don't have those big disappointments of things that, like I said, we answer it in our mind and it should turn out that way. When you're praying for someone to be healed and then they pass away, that didn't happen. It's very hard to understand. The way I pictured it in my mind was healing, and that would have been so much better. So I think in the big scheme of God and who He is, that being able to put why aside and have this deep trust. But that is, to me, lifelong lessons that we learn along the way. His ways are higher than our ways. So we just can't, if we're going to have to question everything, we're going to stay stuck in this place of, of just moving forward little by little by little. But we're going to find at the end of our life, we just stayed in this bubble of stuck because we were always just disappointed or we didn't understand why, or we needed to know why we need, and we needed all of those things answered when God is saying I'm sovereign. Please trust me. My word asks that you would and do and know that I know what's best for you. And this earth and this time that we live here, it seems long, but it's really short. We all have a limited amount of time. For some, that's 201. For others, it's to 42. We don't know. So we don't know why God answers some prayers and why he doesn't. But yeah. If we can't get over why, that's just another excuse to keep us from having to do something we're uncomfortable with. There you go. It's moving to always be courageous no matter what. And you're right. It is an excuse. And it allows, too, if we don't allow the Lord to help to have us to move past it, bitterness can go in. Oh, yeah. We can stop the dialogue with God. And yet I know that God, you know, because Psalms is huge with emotions. Right. I mean, the Psalms, whether it was David or whoever was writing it, they let it all out. Yes, they did. I mean, like there was no holding back. I mean, sometimes I chuckle, I'm like... He was kind of wicked. Like, he was like, spew them out. I mean, he was just really bad about their enemies, the bullies, basically, in the time. He was so honest about it. I love that because on the other side of that, there is still a yet God in the midst of that. I will trust you, like you said. I will put my hope in you, and I will sing songs and sing praise to him. Yeah. Yeah. such a powerful way of walking past that. Yeah, it really is. And I think it's a beautiful picture of prayer because I don't think God expects perfection in our prayer. I don't think he expects us to always be happy in our prayer or sometimes not even always trusting. I think he loves us to bring those doubts and that disbelief, but bring it to him instead of letting that be the place that we settle. Right. Don't stop. Yeah. Don't stop. And hammer it out. I mean, we do that as parents with our kids. We told them when we were disappointed and when we hammered it out with them, I did with my four kids and God, he's, he's okay with the very same from us. It's just not one specific only way that we pray. It's so multifaceted. And like you said, so emotional. Sometimes it's tearful. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's two minutes. Sometimes it's 20. I don't know. It's all over the place and that's okay. That's okay. Okay. What do you say to the busy person? Especially like you said, you're a mom of four. Yeah. How in the world would you have time to pray? I know. So how do you do it? You know, if I look back, so my kids are all grown and married now. But if I look back, I would tell... my younger self to find a way you can find a way or you can find an excuse, but find a way to pray and fit it in your day. I mean, I would say for years, I was not the morning person. Oh, I can't get up early. I'm exhausted. I gave birth to four kids in three years. I have lived to talk about it, which is to me is a miracle in and of itself. Amen. But I was convinced that I couldn't get up early. I do think that that is the key to a strong spiritual life now. And I've been conquering that getting up early for years, but I never thought I could. But whether it's early or late, God is trying to help us grow spiritually every day. And the more we are just distracted by it and not trying to do it, I wish that. I could take this, you know, 53 year old person that I am now back to 28 year old Lisa and put that wisdom that I know about growing with the Lord at that table with her kids. It's just like the power that I understand about the Lord. Now I wish my kids witnessed that power working in me at that age as their mom, you know? And so we can't go backwards and, but we can learn. And so that's why I am constantly with younger women saying, let's, find a way. I don't care what it looks like for you. It has to look like something. It cannot look like nothing. It's got to be there for you. Your life, it matters in your life. It matters in your kids. It matters. We'll never not be busy. Right. Okay. So exactly. We just will never not be busy. Right. Because that's an excuse. Yeah. We found a way to be busy in quarantine. We'll never not be busy. I know. Right. Our days passed. They were full. We had things to do. We didn't get to go to Target, but we sure learned how to shop online. We'll always be busy. Yes, it's what we prioritize and what's important. You're so right. And you're like, I thought that too, of a lot of times when I had my quiet time even, I didn't, I wanted to be totally isolated by myself. But you know, when you think about it now, I wish that my sons would have seen more of that time I had in the word. And I've been a little bit more, more obviously in their later days as college students and beyond, I've been more vocal. without being preachy, but allowing them to see my open dialogue with the Lord. And that's why I hear that you're trying to even impart into the younger generation. Yeah, it is. It is. It's just being able to get over that fear of letting other people see the spiritual growth that's happening in your life, because we're meant to impact other people, not always by what we're telling them to do, but by what they're seeing us live. Right. And so when our kids are seeing us live that life of being able to mutter up a prayer while we're stirring the mac and cheese, that's a good thing. Right. Yes. It's a good thing. They know that mom found a way to squeeze it in and it was while she was cooking dinner, you know, the most mundane things. But, you know, again, I don't, I don't think my kids had a chance to witness that because I didn't conquer that fear. It took me years to get over that, that fear of being able to. just show up and truly let God work through my life for the benefit of other people. It took me a long time. Well, as we wrap up, what would you like to tell our listeners here about just an emphasis of what you want to do now so you don't live in a regret of what you didn't do when it comes to your prayer life? I think it's remembering simply that everything that God is trying to do in our life, in us, for us, and then through us. I think He works in us because He grows and stretches us. That's that moving into something uncomfortable to pray. He works for us because He answers our prayers in amazing ways that only He can. And he does all of that so that he can work through us for the benefit of somebody else. So that's why you become a woman who can pray because it's less about you and it's more about the impact that he wants to make through you for somebody else to grow them in this life as well. Because it's. It's just not all about us, right? It's all about other people. And so I think once I understood that why, it helped me move past my fear. I think as women begin to understand that as well, it helps you just move into that uncomfortable spot. That's really good. She said it so well. And you know... I would really encourage you to pick up her book, Courageously Uncomfortable. You can even go either, there's a couple of different places, but I also am going to reference it at iRefresh.net to make sure you know how to link and to purchase it and really encourage you on that continual dialogue about being courageous in so much of our lives. So thank you so much, Lisa, for sharing. Absolutely.