EP 53 Finding Confidence to Beat an Eating Disorder - Maggie Bond

After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome to iRefresh, where we empower ordinary women to do extraordinary things through the power of prayer and God's Word. I have with me today Patti Gerstenberger, and I have Maggie Bond, and I'm Keri Kittinger, and we are so excited that you're a part of our conversation today. Yes, thank you so much for having me. And forgive us if we talk over each other because we are just excited to share today. So here we go. Yes. And for those of you who have not seen Maggie, we actually visited with her in another podcast. So feel free to look at iRefresh.net and look at her other amazing testimony of all that the Lord has done with her with your identity and your purpose. It's truly a miraculous story that will really encourage you. I know one of the things that really popped out when we were talking about you last time is you mentioned that you have competed in Miss Oklahoma. Yes, I have competed in Miss Oklahoma for five years. This is my fifth year. And I am Miss Bricktown, so I've gotten to represent a lot of wonderful titles in the Tulsa area, and now I'm representing something in OKC, so it's super fun. Have you always wanted to do this? No. No, no, no. It's funny, I hear so many stories of girls talking about, oh, ever since I was a star, little three-year-old at the pageant. When I was three, I was rolling around in the mud with my three brothers and eating grass and just roughhousing. So I was a tomboy growing up. That was not my dream. It became my dream when I started competing and knowing, you know, all that I was capable of accomplishing it. So, yeah. Now, my first introduction to, well, not first introduction, but with my daughter was toddlers and tiaras, watching it on TV, of course. So how old were you? You weren't a toddler when you got involved. So how old were you when you got involved? No, I was sitting in a show choir class when I was a junior in high school, and a local director came in and talked about it and told us about the opportunity. Well, what she didn't know when she came in is that I had just... not gotten a solo and a part and being a performer and wanting to be the center of attention. I was like, well, I just need an opportunity to shine. Like, I can do this too. And she came in and I was like, that's my chance. Because you get a chance to be on stage. Right, like your one chance. Right, right. Yes. Have you always been this confident? No, no I haven't. I've been confident in different ways but not necessarily like this. I've been confident in sports, I've been confident in all these different things, but I did struggle very, very much with confidence in who I was and my beauty. Even with your body image, even thinking about the competition with Miss Oklahoma, it's Very much. You're on stage. Right. It's ironic because I've honestly felt I've felt more empowered and that's been a journey. But with but I feel more more confident and empowered when I'm in the work, when I'm being a part of this organization and having competed in the last couple of years than than less than. than questioning my self-worth. But that was a journey all in itself that had to happen before I even started competing. And maybe that's why I didn't compete earlier on or watch toddlers and PR. Right, right, right. Well, so tell us a little bit about that journey. How did that look like for you in your early years? How did that, just the self-image? I know with women, that can be one of the lies that the enemy will speak to our lives that we have to compare ourselves with others or our body type is different or we can't measure up the same way someone else does. So how did that play in in your younger years? When I was younger, I said that I was a tomboy, and I looked like a boy, and I have these atrocious pictures for the first seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, lot of years of my life. Just I dressed how I wanted to. My parents would put me in little dresses when I was three years old, four years old for family photo shoots. And I would go change into what my brothers were wearing. And try to match them. And tell our guests, that you do have how many brothers? Right, I'm a quadruplet, so I have three brothers, and we're all the same, well, we're all the same age. When you're a quad, that's what happens. But yeah, having three brothers was instrumental to that. And it's really funny, I've just learned so much about myself in that, but. With me, I was very competitive growing up. Again, tomboy. So I had the tomboy image. I was very competitive. Little boys thought it was weird that I was so competitive and strong and good and athletic. And girls, little girls thought, well, she doesn't look like me and she's not very pretty. And that, when you hear words like that, From different sides. Oh, she's too this she's too that she's too intense. She's too Athletic she's not pretty enough to hang out with us You know you those start to resonate with you when you're a child because it's such a formative part in your life And that fed into some very hurtful thought loops in my life that that evolved into something bigger Did you struggle with even acceptance? Absolutely. It's funny because I was born with my community with three brothers, but I felt more alone than anybody. I felt so different. I felt like I never fit in with anybody and I never did fit in with any groups. I was bullied in elementary school and that's again a formative time and when you're that young and you're getting all these different sides telling you you're not your worth, then you believe that's your worth. And that's such a dangerous place for kids to be. And then when I went into middle school, that fed into even harsher experiences because of those negative voices. So how did you deal with all the negative voices? When I was younger, because of those experiences, the world doesn't really give us much to feel great about when it comes to self-image, especially because of all the Photoshop that's going on. And of course we didn't have the technology that we do today then, but I would look and see all these women and how they looked. And people were telling me, well, you need to look this way if you wanna hang out with us. Like they were breeding the comparison. Absolutely. And so comparison started to stem from that and body dysmorphia, because there were women around me that were looking a certain way. When I was being told by guys like, that I wasn't pretty with who I was and how I was, and all these different things. You reinforced those voices, those negative voices from when I was a child. So tell me what body dysmorphia is. It's when you look in the mirror and what is present is not what you see. So even to this day, it's even when you overcome it, when you overcome a struggle, Right. You know, Satan will come in and try to distract you with it again. He'll try to well it up. And for me, I have to look in the mirror and say, nope, it's not that, that is off. It's my thinking and I need to restructure my thinking. And so, so how did you even come to the place where you like had that self-awareness of, okay, this isn't right. So what happened actually, I didn't even know I had an eating disorder when I had one. That's what the body dysmorphia led to. And actually not a lot of- And did your parents know? No, they didn't. Or anybody around you? So I grew up and I was a little actress. I was a wonderful performer and I could hide anything. And so for me, that struggle wasn't a struggle because I wasn't aware. We can't solve issues when we're not aware of them. And that's a huge part to coming to terms with those things. And as I got older, I didn't realize I had an eating disorder. It's so hard to hear this even as a parent, though, because as a parent, and Carrie and I could both be your parents, be your moms, you know, and just thinking, you know, as much as we want to love our kids and parent them, to think that there's so much hiddenness that, you know, really... And it scares me. I mean, you guys are parents to your children, and that's scary for a parent. It's scary for me. I mentor these five young girls in particular, ages 8 to 12, and I'm starting to see those things that they're starting to be exposed to. And it's terrifying to me because two of them are by blood. The others are not. But I look at all of them like they're my little sisters. I don't have any sisters, so that's how I see them. And that protective side of me comes up. But I also know, okay, this is where my experiences are important and relevant. This is where I can empower them. That you can mentor them. Right. Right. So keep going with how you even find your own self-awareness. So This went on for about five years and again was not aware until it was too late Which means I came into an injury. So when you're when you struggle with depletion like that anorexia You're not eating enough. You're not getting enough nutrients It can cause all kinds of issues and my bones were weakening and I didn't know that I was taking in a net calorie intake of negative zero. I mean I below zero and it's very dangerous when that happens. And I am being an athlete. Right. So you were expending the energy, expending the energy and burning the calories. Exactly. And that's what was causing that deficit. And one day I just turned, I just turned a weird way and my rib dislocated. Wow. And just all this pain and these issues started to shoot up in my body and everything. That's something that happens with those injuries. and I had trouble breathing and all kinds of difficult issues that come with those injuries. So I panicked kind of and I thought, what do I do? But I had to go to the hospital that night and then they gave me medication and I ended up having a reaction to it the next day and had to go back to the hospital. And nobody still knew that you were struggling with anorexia. And that's when I knew, and I had a friend, my very best friend since we have been children. I've had a lifelong friend in her, and she's wonderful. Well, she was studying to be in medicine and everything, and I opened up and just told her what I was struggling with, and she was like, this sounds like what you're going through. So she kind of helped bring in awareness. It was when I started to talk about it. When I was hiding it, I didn't understand what was going on, but when I started to talk about it, that's when these these things were being brought to light a teacher came up and said I'm worried about you and whenever people started to notice your first reaction when you struggle is to hide right I'm fine right right but mine And that was to hide, but then after that injury, I was like, I need to stop this. I have to get help. I need, this has to change. I can't do this anymore. So did you open up with your parents at that time or this was just, I'm in pain. Right, right. I didn't even still, I did have powerful women mentors. One that has known me since I was three years old and she is still to this day. a dear friend and mentor in my life, but I had opened up to women that I trusted in the church. They led me to resources. My very best friend who worked in the medical field also led me to resources. And I had just had a powerful team behind me and did eventually end up going to, you know, a counselor and, and, bringing awareness to those things and learning about how to take care of myself and what was the root to all of those different behaviors and how to combat that. So fast forward then now to, not the pageants, the competition is what they're called now, for those of you who don't know. It's no longer the Oklahoma pageant, but it's the Oklahoma competition or the Miss America competition. But fast forward to those competition days and was that something that you had overcome before you got into the competition days or was that something that reared its head again or how has that played out in your life? Yes. Yes and yes. You just asked about three questions there. Yes, yes and yes. I did, I felt like for a good part, for the most part I had overcome the dangerous part of everything. But there was still looking in the mirror and looking at the other girls and how they looked like in their swimsuits, the women who had one swimsuit, and just thinking, I could never look like that. But I was blessed to be introduced to an amazing trainer. He's an admin. He's incredible. His name is Brian Atterbury. And his dialect, his education is so much more than just fitness. It's mental health too. Because in your fitness journey, it's so much more about it's mind, body and spirit. And I love even as you're telling your story, like you're weaving the community. Right. You know, between the mentor women and a health coach or nutrition coach. And that's what it takes to to combat that eating disorder, to combat those pains, those issues, those roots that cause that, is when you start to find those women who rally, those people who rally behind you and want the best for you and say encouraging and positive things to you and start to help you retrain your brain, like your thinking. And of course, God is instrumental in all of that. He orchestrated each thing. Our pain has purpose. That's something that I've always said with each experience I've gone through. And he's orchestrated all those people to come at just the right time to bring about just the right amount of learning and wisdom and healing in that process too. Right. Which came with, which came in the competition. There we go, we got you. We got you on that one, that's right. So if you had someone, or if you were going to talk to yourself, you know, way back then when you started struggling, what would you, what would you tell yourself? Or what would you tell somebody who's struggling today with whether it's some hiddenness, whether it's body dysmorphia, or something that they know there's just something not right? What would you say? I would definitely say don't be afraid to talk about it. To address any issue in life, not just an eating disorder, but to come through and overcome anything you're going through, you have to talk about it. Feel everything that you're feeling and acknowledge how you feel but talk about it don't hide it because Satan wants you to hide the pain he wants you to hide the problem and that will only make it fester grow and it will eventually burst into for me it was an injury but you don't want that to happen you don't want it to be too late some people lose their lives with these things and so don't be afraid to talk about it find your community find the women the men the people who will rally behind you make you feel loved who will show you your beauty and your worth and don't be afraid to step out and get that help that you need. Well, and I love how you've used the word speak up and communicate. And as Patty mentioned earlier, we were in the studio with you before talking about other things. And so we wanna encourage people to listen in on that because you really, just the way that God knit you together in your mother's womb and part of your call is to speak up. And so I love how you even use the words in your own struggle, how you learned I had to communicate that. I had to speak up. I had to use my voice. We have to use our voices to speak up about our own pain and our own problems and process through them helpfully with people who will help us. And for me that was mentors and very close trustworthy friends who helped me go through those experiences and to process and eventually come on the other side of all that pain. Right. What I heard you say earlier too is that you're mentoring younger girls yourself. And so here you're helping them learn their voice. Yes. You know, so their voice to speak up for maybe the things that they're dealing with. Yes. And so tell us a little bit about that, how God has maybe, he's brought healing into your life and he's given you a voice to speak up for others but now also to just help come alongside others. So how does that look? Right. For the girls that I mentor, so through the Miss Oklahoma organization, they give us these little girls called stars. And I have just, God has blessed me so much in this organization for one. Are these girls who are interested in the competition or how do you? They get to walk on stage with her during like evening. I love that they call them stars. Yes, they are. And they are stars. They really are. They take the stage and they are just the center of attention. It's like what dress? You know, there they are. Right. There she is. They're wonderful. And so we get to mentor them. And a lot of, and yes, it's a moment on stage, but it's so much more. It's always been more than that for me. The first girl that I had, I had known her since she was four. And so I got her and then I got another girl. And I've had them all throughout my journey. The other one aged out, the one that I'd known for most of her life. And so I got another little girl. And we have all become fast friends. So there's a friendship fostered in it. They know that I'm in their life for good. Like when you're in my life and I'm, you know, a part of yours, it's family. And you're a life giver. Right. You know, you're a positive impact. You're not a negative impact, which is also something for them to realize at a young age is so important for them to recognize. Well, and to recognize you aren't you know another person isn't speaking life over me they make me feel bad about myself for them to realize well I don't need to be friends with somebody who makes me feel bad about myself and I like to think that our friendship will help them see like what a healthy friendship looks like and empowering woman looks like and want to aspire to be that and you know I'm not saying look to me and be like me be you Do be walking your purpose and speak up and say what's on your heart and what's on your mind and I have two little cousins that I also mentor and they're 12 beautiful and Wonderful family, but they have some intense struggles when I see what these kids are struggling through I hope you know by having them over and hanging out with them. They're not hanging out with the wrong people They're seeing life-giving situations and thinking I can overcome this what my current situation is, that I can have more of my life than this. That's a huge thing and I also mentor girls in those lower income situations too to show them that as well. Well, and for you to have a voice in these gals' lives and you're able, here you are. I mean, those of you who are listening in on podcast, She's an absolute, Maggie is a beautiful, beautiful young woman. And so those of you who are seeing on YouTube, you, you, you actually get the proof of that. But, um, so for you to be that example in their lives of, of how a beautiful woman can be confident in, in who they are and even being different. I mean, a different, a different height, the different size, a different, uh, a different skin color, hair color, whatever it would be that you can. A different ability. A different, absolutely, different talent that you can have confidence in who you are and use what God's given you and blessed you with to the best of your ability, but to not make that an idol, right? Because I would find that that could be hard in your, where you are right now with beauty competitions, no we don't call them that, what do we call them? What do we call them? No, that's right, it's not pageants. Yeah, it's not pageants. That could, you know, beauty really could become the idol. Well then could feed into again that self image, you know. Right, and you know, with these girls, with the competition too, something that has just been so beautiful every year to see God really does work and move so powerfully in all of that is just how the woman who was chosen is always beautiful inside and yeah now that's definitely use our beauty for purpose like I mentioned I think in our last podcast, Esther. Esther was beautiful and God used that for her purpose and she ended up becoming Queen. Her purpose in His glory. I think that's what Carrie and I see in you is that the Lord has allowed you to walk out your own inner beauty and that's you know yes you're a beautiful girl but to see that He's your strength and you even in your own brokenness have allowed Him to walk you through and now you're able to you know, mentor these young ladies. What a testimony. It's beautiful. And one of my favorite verses is in Proverbs and it says, many are the plans in a man or woman's heart, but it's the Lord's purposes that will prevail. And so even you saying, you know, for purposes, it's at the end of the day, we want God's purposes to prevail in our own lives. And that's, I know that's what you want in these young girls that you are mentoring. And Patty and I are just, we're so happy to have gotten to know you. And like we were saying earlier, we are old enough to be your mother. And honestly, we're okay with that. Absolutely. We celebrate the gifting that you're at. We appreciate you coming. Yes. And iRefresh. And we're so delighted that you have joined us, whether it's on YouTube or it's through iRefresh.net with a podcast. We really encourage you to subscribe. What you're seeing and hearing is a beautiful testimony of lives woven together that we want to encourage and exhort each other in the plans and purposes of God. Amen. Remember that we're ordinary women, but God has extraordinary things for us, and he has extraordinary things for you too.