EP 47 The Affects of Alcohol on a Family - Ann Hatton

After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome to iRefresh, where we are empowering women, ordinary women, to do extraordinary things through the power of prayer and God's Word. And I'm Keri Kittinger, and today I have with me Anne Hatton, and we are going to be discussing, there might be some tears today, we're going to be discussing a topic that may be a difficult topic, but it is a topic that, Anne, you didn't think you wanted to be the expert on this. That's right. But you have become, and you're an overcomer. And so I want to talk to you today about your dad. Tell us a little bit about just your family history and your dad, if you don't mind. Okay, so growing up, I really looked up to my dad. He taught me everything I know, like hunting and fishing. He taught me how to use tools and how to tear engines apart. I did, yes. I had a lot of camo. But I also knew how to, like, I was kind of both, you know. Oh, yeah. Anyway, so he was my coach, and he taught me how to love and be loved, and he taught me how to fight and how to defend myself. He was just an awesome guy. Like, my parents would always have parties over at the house for our students and classmates, and they always called my parents mom and dad. And it was just a lot of fun. He was a lot of fun. Was your dad a teacher? He wasn't. Okay. No, he was in the heating and air business. So no, they just, everybody just liked coming over and hanging out with them, just because he was a lot of fun. I mean, he had, he was the usual, you know, dad jokes type of guy. You know, he always had silly sayings and like cool beans. And if you're not living on the edge, then you're taking up too much space. I mean, he had like all those dad joke things going on. So right. And do you find yourself saying some of those things now today too? I do sometimes like shut the door, we don't live in a barn. You know, stuff like that. Yes, yes. So sometimes, yeah. Yeah. So he liked to entertain. So he had customers and he had toys. He loved toys like guns and four wheelers. Did you all live out of the country? So you had land with the four wheelers? We did, really. We had an acre growing up. Okay. And even whenever. Whenever he moved, he didn't. He didn't. My parents got a divorce, and he moved to Arkansas, but he still didn't have it. But he always, I mean, he went to land. Wherever there was land, he went to that. An outdoorsman. Yeah, that's right. All the outdoors places always knew his name. He'd walk in, and it was always, hi, Mr. Bruner, you know. Yeah, so it was a lot of fun. He was a lot of fun. So, yeah, he liked entertaining. He liked having people over. So, yeah, he was just a good guy. When did you notice that maybe something wasn't quite the way that you thought it should be? So around my senior year. So before that, you know, I played a lot of sports. I played 11 years of softball and I traveled with sports and stuff like that. So I never really saw my parents argue or fight. It was always happy. We went on family vacations. It was just we always had a good time. We did things together as a family and even collectively as like, our outside family like our extended family you know we got together with them and once a month and we just always did stuff and it was always fun so my senior year my parents got in an argument my dad moved out So I never really saw him start drinking until after he moved out. Now, maybe he did, but it was a secret, you know. And so when he moved away, I noticed that the partying was more and more frequent. He would call intoxicated. He would call while he was out, you know, partying and stuff like that. And I didn't talk to him for a while after he left because, you know, he left. It was my senior year. My mom was extremely sad, you know, which of course, you know, that's that's just a given. They were married for almost 20 years, you know. Absolutely. It was just a heartbreaking like Brady Bunch and then all of a sudden it wasn't. You know what I'm saying? It was like that. So I noticed that he started drinking a lot and anytime we'd go down there, I mean even if we weren't of age, we were drinking too. It was just a thing to do, you know, that my dad was a party animal and you know so so you hadn't seen that really before right and then all of a sudden this is you know new your parents are no longer under the same roof and divorced and your dad is kind of going down a different road and really taking taking you with them and yes at some point yes because he made it look fun right I mean he was always the fun the fun dad so we would go to the hunting lodge and we would drink a all night and then you know somebody would take us out to our duck blind in the morning and really sometimes we'd never go to sleep you know and I just thought that that's what you were supposed to do and I just I didn't know any better really were there siblings as well with you or was this just you and your dad? so my sister like I said it took us a long time to get used to him leaving and I didn't talk to him for probably about a year maybe a little longer and I think it took my sister a little longer than that but my sister wasn't really she wasn't the hunting and fishing type she liked to go fishing and stuff but not really so much hunting and she was also going to college and she had moved away for a little while and so she couldn't get away as much as I could so that's probably why I was going down there a little more Well tell us a little bit, and I know this is probably, can stir up some emotions, and that's okay because you're human, and you're more than human. You're wonderful. Thank you. But tell me a little bit about the night of your dad's accident. Okay. So it was a Thursday, July 15th, and I had been at work. He had called me several times. I had talked to him several times. My air conditioner had gone out, and he said, my dad knew everything I mean to me he knew everything right you know so I called him he was talking to my fiance at the time now husband several times that day and whenever he was calling I was like oh my gosh he's calling again I'm trying to make dinner you know I've got so much stuff to do and I hit ignore on my phone and I was not aware that that was the last time I was going to get to talk to him. So the next morning, Friday morning, I was going to have a garage sale. I was going to sell everything I had because I had a wedding to plan, weddings aren't cheap. Oh yes, oh yes. So anything that I... that didn't have sentimental value was going in the garage sale. And I had invited my aunt and my fiance to come. I was like, hey, you should skip work and come hang out with me. Was it a Friday? It was a Friday, yes. It was. And so I told him to skip and to come hang out with me. It would be fun. We'd plan the wedding and sell a bunch of stuff. And so when I saw my aunt's van pull up, I was like, man, I can't believe she actually skipped work and is coming to hang out with me. And then I saw my fiance's pickup pull up behind that. Well that's really weird. And so at this moment, you know your flesh is trying to warn you, maybe the Holy Spirit is trying to warn you that, you know, maybe something isn't right. You should probably start thinking a little more about preparing yourself. So the Holy Spirit... When you saw the cars pull up, there was just something within you that you thought this isn't right. Yes. And so I then saw my uncles and my aunt, and I saw four people walking toward me that shouldn't be there. And at that point I knew that I'm about to be handed some bad news. And it's crazy the thoughts that go through your mind in seconds. You know, the bad thoughts, the good thoughts, the who, what, where, am I going to pick up and go to a hospital, what's going to happen? And your mind starts thinking of all this stuff while you see people walking towards you. So I told you that my dad taught me how to be strong and to defend myself. So my dad's youngest brother and another one of his brothers got on both sides of me and they're trying to get me in the house and I'm like standing strong, like, no, just tell me what you gotta tell me, you know? I don't wanna go inside and I really don't wanna hear what you have to say because, you know, they're not smiling. My dad was in a plane crash and my mom remembers they were overseas and men in uniform, he was in the Air Force, came to the door and she saw out the window and she said to herself, like you said, in her mind, she thought, if I don't let them in the house, I'll never have to know what they're gonna say. Like that was, she said it didn't make sense later, but there was kind of this thing, once I open that door, I don't know what words are gonna come out of their mouth. And so I'm sure for you, you're thinking, this is not normal, but I really, do I really wanna know you know, what this news is. Right, exactly. And the answer was no. I really, I didn't want to know and I knew that they were, I knew it was going to be something. So, that's when my dad's uncle got in front, or my dad's youngest brother got in front of me and told me that my dad had been in a car accident and I mean your body reacts you know the only way it can and so I'm screaming and I didn't realize that it was myself screaming I really thought that I just needed whatever that noise Yeah, because when you're dealt with so much pain at one time There's only one way your body can release it and I was trying to think about what I needed to do What's the next step and I just wanted this noise to stop and I didn't realize it was even coming from me and And so from there we went and told my grandma and my sister and then we drove from Oklahoma City to Little Rock. And so the story is, for the accident, he was entertaining customers that night. The phone call I didn't answer. I actually have on recording. He left a message and I saved it. So whenever I go speak, I share this message. He was already inebriated at 5.34 in the afternoon. He was entertaining customers that were in town. So they had went and got dinner, came back, went out, shot some guns, came back, did some things around the house, probably got some more drinks and whatever. And when they went back out, he kissed his wife on the forehead, said, don't wait up, and they were gonna go mudding. Well, he took off down the street and he had told me just the weekend before that, you know, you've got to be careful going around this corner. It's a 90 degree corner. You've got to take it in the first gear. He had a CJ7 Jeep and it had a six inch lift and 40 inch tires on it. So it was a really big, you know, so it was a toy. So they were driving that. He did not take his own advice and flipped the Jeep three times. The Jeep landed on him and ejected his customer out into the field. His customer was able to dial 911 and they actually didn't find them until the next day. So he died on July 15th, but they didn't find him until 1 o'clock in the morning when they could pronounce him dead. Did his customer in the car pass away as well? He did not actually. They took him to ICU and he was in ICU for several months before he was stable enough to be taken to his family in South Carolina. So it was a long haul for him of recovery. I don't know much about that side because I've never really actually talked to him. I just know from our side. So it was devastating. I didn't honestly know what to do. I didn't know how to cope. I had never lost. I had lost my grandpa, his dad, two years just before that and that was really hard. But when you do lose a grandparent though, it is, I mean, it's very difficult, but it's that progression seems right. Yes. You know, that you would lose a grandparent and not so quickly to have lost a parent. Yes. I can only imagine. Yes. I mean, he was 44. I mean, that's young. That's very young. It is. Very young. And the older I'm getting, that's very young. Yeah. So it was hard. Like I, um. I wanted to talk about it but I didn't know who I could talk about it with. My husband now was there for me. Of course he wanted to talk about it but he didn't know my dad as well as some people. But the people who did know, like my sister, everybody handles things their own way. Absolutely. And I realized quickly that my sister didn't want to talk about it. And so I wanted to respect her for that. So I wasn't sure who I could turn to and I was at church one day and A friend of mine was talking about you know the side thing that she does It's called victims impact panel of Oklahoma and she was like you should come speak for me and I said okay Well, you know, what do I need to do and she said well you just tell your story and I was like I think I can do that so the first time I did that I cried the whole time like I don't even know if anybody heard anything I said I cried literally the whole time but um It is all about impacting people who are offenders. So they're trying to get their license back or have been arrested for drinking and driving or other other related drugs or something, you know, and so well and what an incredible platform and Again, I know this is something that I'm sure you didn't sign up for. Yeah, you didn't ask for but what how brave of you to be willing to to share your story, to share your dad's story and the good and the hurtful as well, right? Because I mean, I think in all of our stories, I mean, I love that you opened up with all the wonderful things about your dad. Thank you. And, but I'm sure those more painful things that you do share, you know, those are hard, but yet you're giving life to other people. Mm-hmm. And your story, I mean, I can only imagine how many people's lives have been saved because you've chosen to share that story. Thank you. And how proud your dad would be of you. Thank you. So Jeremiah 29, 11 through 14 is a scripture that the Lord laid on my heart to help me get through this, that he knows the plans that he has for me. He has every step number for me and that he has never left me, that he is my father and that I struggled so much with, not having my earthly dad here when he kept reminding me that he is there for me, you know, and so I just I learned to lean on him more and so I stopped drinking I stopped partying I Started going back to church, you know, my husband was absolutely there for me and Helping me move on, you know with those steps and everything so I Learned how to lean on God. Yes Well, and Ann, I've never known your story, and I've met you several times, and your beautiful daughter. Thank you. And just what an incredible woman that you are. Thank you. And it's just, it's so powerful to hear other people's stories, to see how you've been able to overcome, but then yet you have this tenderness towards those that maybe maybe aren't where you're at, you know, because your life really could have gone in a different direction after your dad's accident, but how the Lord met you right where you were at and reminded you of his plan for you. And that's just so, so beautiful. And I can only imagine that each time you share this, that there's just a new way that you overcome in a new way that you're growing in your strength in the Lord. Yes. Because how many years has this been now? It'll be 16 in July. Yeah. That's incredible. Thank you. Yeah, so incredible. Well, I would love to just be able to talk to you more about this, and I would love to be able to put in our show notes just some ways that people can get involved with the same organization that you are or to get involved. people involved that would need to hear this story. Yes. But what a gift that you are to our community. And thank you so much for being here with us today. I would love for you all to connect with our iRefresh family. You can follow us on social media. You can look at iRefresh.net. We'd love to hear from you. We'd love to hear about what the Lord's done in your life. And maybe some of you can really connect with Ann's story about what Growing up in a family where there was too much drinking and alcoholism and the tragedy that some of that can bring. And so we want to leave you with a message of hope today. And that hope is Jesus. And that is where Anne is leaving this, that her hope is in the Lord and in the Father. So please connect with us at IRefresh.net and go and change your world. After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh.