EP 42 Harnessing Your Fears - Pamela Thomas

After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome to iRefresh, where we're ordinary women who desire to do extraordinary things through the power of prayer and God's word. I have my friend Pamela Thomas coming back again. It's great to have you. Thank you, Cheryl. It's good to be here. Now, I'm having you here today to talk about anxiety. So tell me your background and how you've become really an expert in dealing with anxiety. Well, I work with crisis families and children in crisis, and I also answer the suicide crisis hotline. And so I have to deal with everyone in crisis, and that's kind of where we are today, I think. Oh definitely. So help me and when you are talking with them this is really even though it's the families there today what are the kinds of things that you will talk to the families when you first meet with them? Well I talk to them about change you know change always comes to us as being very negative we don't like change and if you remember when you were in school and you sat with a certain group of kids in a classroom and then all of a sudden you went the next day and the teacher changed the seat that was a bad deal of it because it was change and we're coming up in a time where there's a lot of change we're changing all our activity we're changing who we are in a family we're changing when we go to bed when we get up we're changing where we can go we are changing where we eat we're forced into change though we're forced into change but it still is still is really very anxiety producing to all of us plus Right now, we are being forced to learn a new vocabulary. That's true. And so we're- Social distancing, which we're kind of- Social distance. Kind of close to doing social distancing. Yep, social distancing, and we're learning how to be teachers to our children at home. So everything is changing, and change comes as a negative, and it makes you anxious when anything changes. So how do you begin to identify methods that what do you think would help do you use the same methodology for people after you kind of size up what they're going through what we really watch for does anxiety move into fear okay fear is a problem for many people because fear what does it do it keeps us from moving it keeps us from being able to do anything so we look for when anxiety moves to fear. And what I wanted to talk to the people listening today is how to keep yourself from doing that. But first of all, being able to recognize when anxiety is moving into fear. Anxiety is okay to have because we should feel anxious about everything changing. It's like a boat on water. All of a sudden the waves start coming and we're going, wow, wait a minute, what is going on? That's the question, what is happening? And what am I supposed to do? Not what is happening and oh my gosh, all these terrible things are gonna happen. This is gonna happen, this disaster, that disaster. We don't skip to that level. So we're looking in ourselves and in people that we deal with for when it skips into a disaster level. Now we're in a disaster, but how do we keep our homes from being a disaster? That's what we're looking for. So you're looking at how do you create an atmosphere of peace when even the parents, because you're really referring to our parents trying to teach them a method that actually will help them, their children. Right. And the first thing we have to know is fear is addressed over 300 times in the Bible. It says, fear not. So there must be something that's wrong with being in fear. And it must be also, what we teach families, is there must be a way you can control it. So this is what we say in our groups. We say, you can experience fear for two to three minutes. If you want to feel fear, then you be frightened for two to three minutes. That's it. And when you get to that two to three minutes, you must decide you're not going to be fearful anymore. Well, how do we do that? I didn't know that was a choice. I mean, that's one of the emotions. Because I remember letting the kids, when they were young, throw a fit. I'm like, okay, after a while, I'm like, okay, now you need to be done and wrap it up. And that's what's fair to say. See, that's interesting. I never would have thought of that. Fear is a choice. So you choose not to be fearful. Now, how do we keep people from being fearful? One of the things you do is activity. Ways to, when you're working on something, you don't feel as afraid of it. Like, for instance, let's suppose that you have all these bills to pay, but you don't really know how much you owe. You don't know this. You don't know that. But when you sit down and say, I'm going to do a budget, I'm saying that when you organize your feelings about something, then you take small steps, incremental steps, to deal with that, the fear lessens. The fear goes back into anxiety where it should be. So it's okay and safe to be anxious. Yes. But just don't let it go into a place of fear and stay there. I think we've all felt that feeling of overwhelm, like, and that feeling in your chest. You go, oh, my gosh, whatever, Shelley? What's going to happen? What's going to become of me? Your mind just goes down a rabbit trail, and it's not a good place. It's not a good place. And so what we're trying to do is to stop that onset, whatever you need to do to stop that onset. Now, some people exercise. Obviously I'm not one of those people, I'd like to be one, but you know exercise does that with all the melatonin that's released and things. So a lot of people exercise. Some people visualize a quiet place or a place that was really a nice place when they were a child. I do that. A lot of times I'll think of being on the shores of Lake Michigan and listening to the beach and And then I usually fall asleep. I'm not fearful anymore. I'm out. But regardless, you can visualize and you can take those thoughts captive. And that's the most important thing. To not let them keep rolling and ruminating on how terrible and how awful or what if this happens and what if that person does this and what if, what if, what if. Stop that lingo in your head. Now how do you do that? How do you help to stop a friend even? To be accountable to stop the fear factor? Yeah. You make them tell you things that they're grateful for. Being in the here and now, not on the what if, not on tomorrow, but here and now. Keep them present. Keep them present. What are you grateful for? I'm grateful that some, you know, in this coronavirus fear that everyone is feeling, I'm grateful when people get on the televisions and say what they're doing. that governors are taking action, that people are doing. You know, to me, instead of looking at that fearfully every day, I look at that like, oh, my gosh, look at all these people working together to help me, to help my family, to help my community, being grateful for what is happening right then. And you have to change the dialogue. It's simply changing the dialogue to what are you grateful for? What are you grateful for? See that reminds me too, you're changing, you said the dialogue, but it helps to change our brain. Correct. Which I think we have Carol Leif, Dr. Carol Leif does the same thing, is that same concept, is changing our thought process. And it sounds like just making them begin to look at what they're grateful for. Right. Gets them distracted by where they were going. Yes, that's right. You know, in Deuteronomy 31.8 it says, I will never leave you or forsake you. I'm never going to be alone. I heard someone saying, oh don't don't if you go to the hospital you're gonna be all by yourself. No, we're not going to be alone We have so many health care workers that are staying there that are being there to provide for us and The Lord says I will never leave you or forsake you He says do not be afraid Do not be discouraged. So if we're not to be those things, there's a way to get there. And I'm saying, look at what's around you. Look at how people are coming together. Look at how people are trying to help and assist. And that eliminates fear. I think I enjoyed that for me too. I got to volunteer at the Tulsa Dream Center here in Tulsa last week, just packing up food and then just waving. And of course they had fun music outside and just kind of waving to everybody. Like, I don't know what your story is, but you know, it's exciting to get outside of social distance, but it was good. We did all the precautions, but to be able to do something for someone else and then even calling some of the older people, you know, just to checking on it. It takes you out of your element of thinking about, well, what if? what if I run out of milk and the basic things. It's amazing how going to different, driving around and going to get your basic food even, people are paranoid. You know that anxiety has shifted into fear. A lot of fear, right. And I enjoy hearing that because you know you don't want to have a critical spirit on the other side of like what is wrong with them. While we're still also buying the same thing that they're buying. We're just trying to be a little bit, you know, not running after the last TP. How do you feel like as far as strategic ideas besides changing your thought process, what are some other things that you think will help the people right now what they're going through? Maybe they've already been trying to dwell on the Word, but they're still feeling that anxious. How do you help them? We have to speak it and you just said something, take action. The other day it was very hard for me because I was trying to find something I couldn't find in a grocery store. And I was getting fearful like what if that never comes back? What if I can't really get that? What if, you know, what if, what if, what if? And so I changed it and every worker that I saw, I said, thank you so much for coming to work today. It was so brave of you and I appreciate you. And I was in Walmart and I did that to about ten people. Well, it caught on and people behind me were thanking their cashier. So take action. Take action to discount what you're thinking and feeling. Speak it. Speak it out. I'm thankful that whatever, you're here. I'm thankful that I... Just take action. Take action. And if you take action, that will dissipate. And we need to be a generation that... that really overcomes. And one of the ways to overcome is to not experience fear. That's great. You know I've heard some great stories about what other people are doing, but how do you feel like someone who may not be able to get out in their neighborhood, maybe they are so fearful, what were some things that you think would be helpful to them to pull them out of that anxious, fearful spot? I can tell you some of the things that are happening in our neighborhood. And one of the things I think is so cute, and it's just really, really been fun, is the neighborhood kids have been doing artwork in their homes. They're stuck. And so then they come at dusk and put art pictures underneath your windshield wiper. So it's so cute to come out in the evening and see all this little artwork and wave across the street and say, I love it, thank you so much. And then we put it in the window so that everybody can see it who's walking their dogs. So those kinds of things you can do. And if you're out, think about taking a little video for an older person or something. I went to a feed store the other day I had to go get dog food and I walked in I saw these little baby chickens and so I FaceTimed my friend who's elderly and said I just thought you'd like to see these and a bunch of little chickens I thought I'm not gonna pick one up I'm not picking one up but it was it was a very you know we have to communicate and we say try not to use your phone as just your voice, but let them see your face. So if you have the ability to FaceTime, if you have the ability to talk to other people where they can see you, it's much more effective than just your voice. That's so good. Very true. You know, that's one thing too, is even our team, iRefresh, is getting ready to do a Zoom, and we have been starting to do more Zoom so that we can be praying for each other. And we have a group text that we do, prayer requests. We send out notes, emails, we update each other on prayer. But there's something that's really powerful when we get to see each other's face on that Zoom. And we get to look at each one and sometimes you're like, you're making faces and gestures of, you know, being silly while somebody else is speaking. But I think those kinds of things where you see that physical contact on video means the world because like you know like I do Marco Polo if you don't know what that is I'm promoting it because I left Pam a message last night and I'm seeing new buttons I hadn't really explored before so there was a filter for voice and I hit the helium one And I didn't know what it was going to do because I couldn't hear it. So I didn't know if it was using it. So I just kept doing it. And so then I was finished with my little message. And so later you'd listen to it right away. And it was so funny. Like I wanted to save that video of you laughing at my voice with the helium sound. It was fun. It was so adorable. My son happened to be in my office one night and we both were cracking up because you're like, what is she laughing at? I'm like, well, it's actually my weird voice. But, you know, it really does make a difference. It does. When you see the video. Because we can't, you know, we're people that need people. And that's one thing to remember down there this time too. people need people and people need the Lord and the harvest is ready and if you have a chance to call an old friend maybe something somebody you haven't talked to in a long time this is an open door to reach out to people and say hey how can I help you do you know do you know Jesus do you know it's an open doorway and so I would encourage everybody if you're feeling especially if you're and pull them up and you aren't going to feel the fear you feel. Excellent. You know, that's really true. The most important thing, I think, as we as believers is that we unite together and encourage each other, help each other out. But it's a wonderful time for people who are really, this is when people turn to God. They consider God. That's right. Or they forgot about God. But when you're in a crisis, things happen where you can believe that God's going to help them to draw closer to Him. So, you know, I hope that you will, even share with us some of the ideas and things that your community or maybe your neighborhood has done. Because, you know, I even saw one on Facebook. I think somebody was showing how the kids line up in their streets in New Jersey, and they all come out and they do the Pledge of Allegiance. And it's so adorable. So they all get lined up and you see them down the way and they do it together. And they put their hands up and do it. And I'm like... How fun. So, you know, this is a way for us to be creative. Yes. Because God is creative, and he wants us as people of all things that we would show his loving kindness, that we would show, be the hands and feet of Jesus. You know, it was so beautiful today when I was watching the news and I saw the big ship come in that was coming into the port of New York. But I thought, oh, my gosh, this massive ship comes in as a rescue. And I thought, wow. Our massive God comes in as a rescue also. Amen. What a great word of hope. You know, we hope that too, if you have prayer requests or something that we can help you with, please let us hear from you. We would love to know more about what God has been doing in your life these days. And if you don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, it's a real simple thing. Just ask Jesus, come into my heart. Forgive me of my sins. I thank you, Lord, for coming in and forgiving me. And that's simple. Amen. We would love to also, we have resources that are available to you that would encourage you to get to know who God is. He wants a relationship with you. He desires to let you know him close and know how much he is present with you, especially in this time where it's a real, real struggle, that you can overcome fear and be courageous, as he's called us to. Until then, go change your world.