EP 37 Chronic Illness - Epilepsy as a Teenager - Isabell Bowling

After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome to iRefresh, where we're ordinary women who desire to do extraordinary things through the power of prayer and God's word. I have the opportunity to welcome you, Isabel Bowling. Hello, how are you? Good, it's so good to have you. So happy to be here. Okay, so I'm an alum of Oral Roberts University and she's the youngest of the latest student. Yes, I'm a freshman at Oral Roberts, so that's exciting. And it's, I mean, freshman years of college are always the best, right? Yes. So I'm gonna let you have an opportunity to introduce, like, give us a little bit of your background. Perfect. So I'm Isabel, I'm 19. I was born and raised in Denver, Colorado. I'm a second-generation pastor's kid, which means My parents are pastors and my grandparents were pastors. Double blessings. Exactly. I have two younger brothers who I love and adore. I love movies. I love to read. I love the color blue. I love Colorado. And more than anything, I really do love Jesus. One of the things I've learned about meeting Isabel, because I went to school with her mom, and the one thing is, her energy and excitement for life is just, it's very contagious. Well, thank you. So seriously, it's really fun. I love, you ought to follow her on Instagram too. It's just great. But one of the things that I found when we started talking a little bit is when she came as a freshman, I got to meet up with her mom and her, is she's got more of a story than that is like amazing journey where I had no idea. I think in just communicating with your mom and never knew all the backstory. And so today is a wonderful opportunity for us to allow her just to begin to share what God has been doing in your life from from your young. Yeah. Okay. I'm so excited. So you said that you are two generations of pastor's kid. What is that like? And growing up in the church? Yeah. Were you one of those rebels or did you enjoy it? Yeah. So I love my life. I wouldn't have done it any other way. I feel like God has given me the perfect gifts to be who I am. I think that a lot of times people think that pastor's kids go one of two routes. They're either super crazy rebellious, they go off the deep end, or they are just lambs. They love Jesus. They're very like mellow, chill. They do everything right. And I was very, very conscious when I was growing up of not being the rebel, like the rebellious one. I wanted to be good for my parents, but the fact of the matter is I'm human. And so I would describe myself as somewhere in the middle. I love Jesus with all my heart. I chase after Him. I loved growing up as a pastor's kid. My parents were very involved in my life and gave me a lot of love and support in everything I did. But at the same time, you know, a girl's got to have fun. And so I did, you know, I did have fun. I would go out with my friends. We would go out on Friday nights and we'd go to the mall, but we would prophesy over people. or we would go to cabins in the mountains, and we would have worship sessions. And so we would do fun things together. We would go to the hot tub at midnight on missions trips. And so we would have fun, but it was all within the bounds of Jesus loves us, and we're making decisions to have fun and to be pure and be clean and be people who God would be proud to call his children. That's really incredible. And you know, what a legacy though for that. When you see, because I've had a legacy as well, similar as far as my parents, my grandparents in ministry. And there's sometimes there can be some pressure with that. Like, did you find that there was a different part in your age, even when you're kind of going through different parts? Was it harder or is it just because the way your bubbly attitude is that you were able to just like, I'm all in, I'm going to have fun no matter what? Yeah, definitely later in my life I noticed not so much pressure from my parents, but definitely from the people in our congregation. And I love my church. My church family is so great. But sometimes people think that because they know the pastors, they think that they know the kids just as well. And they think that, you know, the pastor's family is also your family. And I appreciate that that's something that needs to happen, and that's something that's a blessing. And I'm honored that people care about my life and who I am and the choices that I make. I'm really honored, but it got to a point where it was a little bit too much when I was really struggling and I needed to step away and kind of take a step back and adjust my perspective because I was so excited to tell everybody my testimony and what I was going through, but it got to be too much. And so I think at a time in my life I did have to take a step back from being, you know, the perfect pastor's kid who is just so open about everything to kind of dealing with stuff that I was dealing with one-on-one with God. Okay, so that's where we want to really look at too, is having the most ideal situation in your life, and having a legacy of people that knew how to pray and to believe with you, but you struggled with an illness. Yes, yes. And so that's where part of that whole struggle was. So I would love you just to highlight what you feel comfortable, and just telling us what was your journey like, and what was it that you went through, that like when you first got a diagnosis. Yes, so when I was 15 years old I was in eighth grade and I was at a youth pastor's house and I had made some really bad decisions in that I'd stayed up late we were watching movies and I remember going to sleep and I woke up and I was in a car and I was with a family friend and she said Isabel you've had a seizure we're taking you to the hospital. Wow. So no warning? No warning. There was no signs, nothing. It just happened out of nowhere. I hadn't had anything happen before. It just was instantaneous. In my life, I mean, it really changed that day. And so it was a very difficult process because at the beginning they were saying things like, this could be a one-time thing. We don't really know. We can't know for sure until we do tests. And we don't really want to do the tests unless it happens again. And then they kept happening. And they were having... It was ongoing then? Yes, so it's nocturnal seizures, so it would happen in the night, and I would wake up and I would have the signs in my mouth, I would bite the side of my cheek, that I would have had a seizure. And so they decided to run some tests, and there was a time in my life where I thought they were under control, but literally three days before I started my freshman year of high school, I had the biggest seizure, and that's when they decided to put me on medication. And I think that was the most crucial and important decision that I think has been made as far as my health goes. Because that really affected, I mean it affected everything. So the medicine, so beforehand you were not taking medicine, even though you had signs that you had been having the seizures at night. So you guys just opted not to do anything at that point? Yeah, because they were at night while I was sleeping and nobody saw. There wasn't any way to be 100% sure, but I was having a seizure and someone walked in and saw me. And they were like, this is the last straw. We have to put you on the medicine to stop this. And so the medicine was a really big deal for me. Explain that. I would love for people to understand too, there's a dynamic there of how people want to use remedies that are natural. Someone just want to pray and then someone to just use meds and then but I know you know We went to you know, or you and it's about mixing prayer medicine. Absolutely It's you know the foundation that we learned too is what was it going on your mind where that decision that you're failing you were making so it got to to a point where I when I fell and I had the seizure I physically hurt myself and so it was like this cannot happen again because we don't know if I could have hit my head it was on like hard floors and so the medicine stops me from having seizures and it does it very well unfortunately one of the side effects that I actually dealt with really badly was depression and going into taking the medicine They told me that my moods would shift, but no one explicitly sat me down and said, one of the side effects for this medication could be depression. And so I started feeling all these different emotions. I was a freshman in high school, I was going into it, and a lot of it was aided because of the medicine. But in that time in my life where I was so low and so depressed, I was so hungry for Jesus. And so I felt like I wasn't worthy to come to Jesus because I was so broken and because my body was broken and I felt like I didn't have enough faith because I wasn't getting better and so I felt ashamed that I had to come to Jesus and this broken state and that was really hard for me. So when you felt the depression were you able to communicate with anyone your friends your parents like what was going on in that process. So I. I mean, you see me, I'm very happy. I got very accustomed to putting up a mask. And so nobody really knew until I got very, very healed of it. The one thing that is really interesting is the culture that I kind of was at at school and the friendships that I had was very, different in that mental health and struggling with depression was something that all of us were going through and so instead of Addressing it seriously and head-on we would make jokes about it And I think that was beneficial in some ways and at some points in my life and other times it wasn't Because I would be having a horrible day and my friend would make a joke about them You know being depressed or we're just kind of treat it very lightly And so it was something where it was like oh, this is not as big of a problem it was a bigger problem. And so it was kind of a good and bad sort of situation, the culture surrounding mental health. It's everybody deals with it. So to me, it sounds like though too, there's when you go through the depression and then you're getting those kinds of responses, I would think I would naturally want to just close in. Yes. And so I'm wondering is that, which perpetuates the whole depression. Yes, absolutely. Because now you're lonely. You're feeling shame. You don't feel like you're worthy to then to go to Christ. How were you able to come through all that? Yeah. Or do you still deal with that? Deal with that because of the medicines? Yeah. So I caved in on myself. I didn't talk to anybody about what I was going through. I was alone. And... Honestly, I had a crazy encounter with Jesus where He met me face to face where I was. And I saw Him and He just took me out of that place in my life. And I remember walking away, literally walking away from this experience of Jesus and being like, I will never ever get to that place in my life ever again. I don't care what happens. I'm going to talk to somebody. I'm going to seek out help, but I will never go back to that place. And so I began to become very acutely aware of my emotions and what I was feeling and what was triggering me going into the dark places. And so you could tell a trigger? Yes. Which is really important for us. Like when you're, and I want us really to realize when you're talking about mental health, that is such a huge thing today that we're walking through with so many loved ones around us that we need to not judge, but we need to have a clearer understanding. And I think what's great here is there was a change. Fortunately for you, Elisabelle, is just to have an encounter with God. Yes. is a great thing but you're also talking about you also have to have a plan. Absolutely. And those plans are to help you for the days where you, the unknown days. Fortunately you're saying that you have triggers and I think if we all pay attention we can get triggers that we need to be more consciously aware. our health, whether our mood swings and such, that there's probably things you've learned to do. Am I right? Yes, absolutely. Okay, I'd love to hear even some of those. What are some great things you think would even help our listeners with ideas of what you do to find when you find that you're in a trigger and you're in that place, what would you do? Absolutely, so I have noticed that whenever I'm feeling at my darkest places I'm almost always alone in my dorm room, and so however I adjust that if that's I need to change my scenery So I'll go outside. I'll call my friend. She'll come in I mean just having the physical presence of another person around totally helps me and then another thing is that I think was a huge part of my road to recovery was ministering to other people. And I found that learning how to love people and learning how to love people who are, you know, as broken as I am, if not more, if not less, but learning how to love everyone was something that was so crucial for me because perfect love casts out all fear and a lot of depression is fear based and a lot of mental health is I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid what's going to happen if. And so learning to love yourself, learning to love others, and most importantly, learning how to love God was so crucial in helping me move out of that season and into a new one. Wow. Those are really, really good. And you know, the thing is, I'm hearing from you too, is self-awareness. Mm-hmm. If that's something that you're not doing in your life, that's a point if you listen to what Isabel is telling us is really evaluating where I'm at and what do I need to do and to be proactive. Let's just say, too, what about the person who becomes introverted or that's their personality and they don't feel like they can reach out to someone. Do you have any hints? What would you do even if you know somebody on your floor? Okay, you see that quiet person. Quiet is not always a good thing. Yeah. Because typically you get the isolation and then they're you don't know they're probably really lonely. Yeah. Like what would you do if you saw someone? I could see you love the challenge. What would you like do like to to tag into somebody that you see that they might need that connection? Absolutely. So a simple hello always works wonders and then people are always and we're made for a relationship. Whether that be surface level, whether that be deep, people want relationship. And so I am the kind of person, my top spiritual gift is actually hospitality. And so all the girls know my room is always open. And so I facilitated a demeanor that I hope I you know, show and even my room of openness. I am a vault. When people tell me stuff, I do not share with anybody and I pray about it. And I think that if you are going to become a vault, you need to know that it is not up to you to hold people's problems. It's up to the Lord. You are a vessel. And so it was really hard for me. People would share deep things and I, for a very hot second there, would be like, wow, this is too much for me. I need to get this to somebody. And that's for Jesus. That's really great. Those are really... You know, I think that we can all learn from that experience because whatever people are going through, different challenges, I think that those can be used in any application. When we see somebody struggling in life, we don't really know what the story is behind it. Absolutely. You know, because I'm wondering... So you've had... So take us back to between the time when you started with the medicine and you said that stopped your seizures. But I also know that there's always a warning that you have to have in case of emergency because I was one of those people that was called on just in case kind of thing. I'm like I'm reading my directions carefully. I'm like just in case like oh I don't do shots very well. So what would you what was going on at that point? So it was a very interesting journey from my freshman year to where I am now my other freshman year. really lost my faith in Jesus. And part of that was due to the fact that I wasn't getting healed. And people kept telling me like, we need to believe for your healing, to pray for your healing. But I kept getting headaches and I kept getting the signs. And I kept taking my medicine because that's wisdom. There's faith and wisdom. And so I understood that there was something that needed to happen in my life where I needed to turn over a leaf. And so I began to seek after truth. And truth was for me theology because I was confused on who Jesus was. And so I began to seek after that. And once I began to find truth, I began to value the relationship with Jesus more. And I started to move forward. And I went on a missions trip to Brazil. And I finally received my three-part calling in life. which is to teach, to write, and to travel. And I was able to lead my very first woman to Christ on that trip. And I think that was one of the most transformative experiences of my life because there's someone who knew the name of Jesus but didn't know how loved she was. And I was able to show her that Jesus really does love her and wants her as she is. And so I think that... steps that I've taken, you know, in my mental health, withdrawing closer to God, but also my physical health. I don't stay out late, I don't party, I don't, you know, drink or smoke. I'm very put together at all times. And I make wise decisions with my health. I drink enough water, I'm making sure that I'm exercising, and just kind of taking the necessary steps to becoming a whole person. You know, I think that's good because you have to step away and realize this is what I have to do in your life, which actually is probably your saving grace as a teenager and all of the challenges and all the peer pressure that you would have. I mean, I'm assuming you still had it, even though your choice was for my health, I could not do all those other things that is typical of an exploratory teenager. Yes. Yeah, it was hard at times. I wanted to go out with my friends on Friday nights. I wanted to go see movies at 1am. And I even, gonna be really honest here, I even wanted to go party with my friends at times. But my health had to come first. And so with that, I would just find alternatives. I would, instead of, you know, going out and seeing a movie at 1 a.m. We would have like a dinner night where we would go out to dinner and then see a movie that maybe wasn't so late. Another great example is prom. I couldn't go to my prom because it was very late at night and there was really loud music and a lot of bright lights. So my best friends and I, we got all dressed up for prom and we went out to see a movie that night. We went out to see the... one of honestly my favorite movies and we went to the theater and it was really fun and I was home in bed and so just kind of substituting one kind of fun for another one that's more safe because you know fun is fun that's awesome yeah have your friends been part of that journey of helping come up with alternatives then? yes some of my friends have been really great some of them have not I mean they're teenagers but yeah I have a really close group of people who have seen me walk through all of it I have my tight group and I'm actually going to college with a lot of them now. So I'm able to text them if I have had a really rough night of sleep because not getting enough sleep is actually one of the triggers for the seizures. I'm able to text them and be like, we need to pray. I need to go to bed. Can you check in with me and make sure that I'm in bed by 1030? And just kind of allowing them to keep me, you know. reliable and responsible and I love that they have seen me through it all and that you know they're not afraid of me having a seizure but they're aware of what needs to happen and they're willing to come up next to me and support me and I love that for them. That's amazing. Yeah. What a gift to have the friendships like that. Yeah. You know you realize as I've talked with other friends that have gone through different chronic illnesses and such is Learning how to be a better friend. And one of the things you can even look in our episodes is look back, too, about how to be a friend with someone with a chronic illness, with Carrie Lyons. Really great ideas of what we can do to engage. And sometimes I think we take a place from a friend on the other side, kind of passive. We do the typical, if you need anything, let me know. Yeah. But your friend sounds like they don't do that, that they are part of planning a creative outlet versus saying what I can't do. You look at what you could do. Yeah. stay in the guidelines it protects you absolutely yeah we would go outside and my friends would always make plans during the day because they knew that I couldn't do plans at night when we and I'm going to Colorado we would go up to the mountains and they would we would have movie nights and we'd have fun but my friends are always aware Isabel needs to be in bed by 10 30 and so they would plan around that and even going on missions trips I was so grateful and blessed that I was able to travel with having you know seizures and epilepsy and but I would always travel with somebody who knew what was happening and who knew the rules. So, you know, I went to Italy and I went to Europe and that was so incredibly fun. But every night at 1030, I was in bed because that's what it's gonna be. And so it hasn't really held me back. I've been able to live my life just in a way that is very different than what most high schoolers did. Right. So what would you like to tell our listeners that would, like if you could tell them, like, what is your concern or what you want to challenge them with? What would you like to say to them? I think learn who you are, learn what makes you tick, and then find safe ways to pursue that. Also, finding relationships, learning how to love people one-on-one, learning how to love God, and most importantly, learning how to love yourself and every part of yourself. know who you are, know what you believe, create a strong foundation in Christ, and then build on that. This is a young lady who, she's just got it so well. She's got it more together than some adults, I think. So, but you know, I think it's where your journey has allowed you and just a family, a love and friends that you are so blessed to have friends that give you that kind of support and creative. I love the outlet of creativity and making sure that they're sensitive. That's something I don't know some of the generations are always thinking. There's more of a selfie kind of a mentality. And I think it's a beautiful example how we all can live. Yeah, absolutely. And we think about other people before ourselves. And my family has been really great with that. We, my parents never make decisions for our whole family that are going to affect me negatively. They always make decisions for the whole family that are going to include me and that are going to be positive for me. And my brothers are really good in that too. They're always supportive. When I go home for breaks, my brother's like, Isabel, it's time for bed. And I'm like, no, let's stay up and play another round. And he's like, nope, in bed. And I'm like, OK. And so I think that there is that idea of like selfie. It's about me. It's about like us having fun. We'll do it for the Instagram post. But I think behind the Instagram post and behind, you know, what maybe there's a front, there is truly a lot of caring and love that goes into everyday interactions with people. That's very profound. You know, I think that's one of the ways I would like us to have you engage with us as we have you even get into our interaction on our Facebook or Instagram. Be sure to leave us some comments. And definitely, Isabel would love to reach out and engage in conversations and suggestions that you would have. We'll also have it on our website on irrefresh.net. where we would love to hear your comments. If you even have some insight or suggestions that you can add to the conversation, I think Isabel did quite well for sure. I mean, really good. So those are good nuggets that I'm going to take away. Well, thank you. Seriously, really great. And so applicable. You know, when I think about anything that you walk through in that loneliness, that you found a way to pull out of it. Yeah. So really great. So thank you so much for listening, but I'm thanking you ahead of time that you would share this with those that you know that could have something very similar to what she's walked through. Whether it's epilepsy or seizures, other types of things that are challenging, take a creative outlet how you can love your friends and your family and engage with them. Until then, go change your world. .