EP 31 Overcoming Fear - Deana, Carrie & Patty

After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome to iRefresh. We are ordinary women desiring to do extraordinary things through the power of prayer, encouragement, and the scriptures. Today, we have a really important topic, and I think everybody can relate to it. Today, our topic is fear. And I have with me Patty Gerstenberger and Carrie Kittinger. Both of you have great insight about fear. I think we've all experienced it, right? Yes, unfortunately. Yeah. And the important thing is not just experiencing it, but how we get past it and how do we overcome our fears. So Patty is a life coach. And so, Patty, in your experiences, what have you learned from people and how do you overcome it? I think with my clients, first we need to acknowledge that fear is a very real thing. Sometimes we pretend as women, oh no I'm good, totally fine. And really fear is a very valid feeling but there's a big difference between living in fear and having a fear of God. And I think walking through seeing the differences really empowers someone to realize that they have a choice of whether or not they're going to stay in that fear or if they're going to choose to trust God in what they're feeling and that fear. That's good and you talked about the fear of God and that's a good thing. Right. But a lot of people have the misconception of what that is so can you explain what you mean by that. Sure. For me to live in fear it usually speaks to my control issues honestly. And I'm either trying to control things or people. Where the Bible promises that when we live in the fear of God that we actually will experience joy and life and peace. So there's really a choice of even how I want to walk that out if I want to be you know trying to be very controlling and living in a constant state of really unrest and agitated and versus being able to step into a fear of God which says you know what I'm going to choose to trust God even in this. That's true. Which is difficult. It is. And if you picture yourself even being in a storm the storm is a very real thing. You can hear it, you can feel it. storms of life, whether it be something that happened to me, my choice or not my choice. But shifting to the fear of God means I'm going to almost, if you can picture yourself in the wing of God and choosing to trust him, which takes you out of the storm. It's still happening, but it takes you out of that storm and allows you to trust the Lord in and through the storm. That's good. And for me, the fear of the Lord is really this, like, I am in awe of him and I'm in awe of his goodness. I'm not afraid that he is going to hurt me or punish me because really a lot of times we fear because of punishment or we fear because we don't know our position in something. And you think of David and Goliath. Yeah. Okay, so David had such an awe of the Lord that when he heard that the Lord's name was being defied, there was something that rose up in him. And he just, he no longer had a fear of the giant, but he had this awe of the Lord. And so there was a boldness that came with that. And I think, Dina, you and I were talking earlier that really fear, the opposite of fear is boldness and courageous, being courageous. And so we're going to have fear, right? Because we're human and there are things that happen. But are we going to be in this anticipation of dread and of awful things happening? Or are we going to have our focus on the awesomeness of God? in the fear of man or circumstances that we encounter. And I think we were talking earlier about how a situation is factual. Things are factually happening, but our perspective changes the outcome. Yes. And David and Goliath, it's factual. He was bigger and he was little. He didn't have armor. So factually, you can look at it. like he was an underdog. But when you take on your perspective, David's perspective of, he didn't even look at how big and how at a disadvantage he was. It was all, he's got God behind him who's bigger. And God can solve any of this. If we all took that perspective, how different would our lives be? And so I think, Even at the root of fear is a choice. And it's hard to think that. I'm not choosing fear because your emotions get involved and you're thinking, I'm not choosing this. But it really is. We can choose to see that God is bigger. We don't have to. He says, be not dismayed. So many times he talks about fear, do not fear, I'm always with you. But we in our emotional state forget that. And fear honestly paralyzes us. It grips our heart to the place where we think, okay, can I actually, Where is God even in what is happening to me? But there's also that option of whether or not you choose to walk in that fear or turn and choose to trust the Lord. And that's what a fear of the Lord really is, is when you say, these are my circumstances, but I am also going to choose to fear the Lord. And that's where the joy and the peace and really where we find life. And it honestly releases us. that I don't have to be in charge. Lord, I trust you in this situation, even not knowing what's going to happen, because we don't. We don't see ahead. And some of us have walked through some very, very hard things. So it's an opportunity, almost like a lifeline, for the Lord just to give us, you have this. I want to protect you. I want to save you. I want to do something immeasurably more than you could even expect. But I have to choose to let go of my fear or the fear of man and truly choose the fear of the Lord, which brings life. Right. And, you know, I know you two aren't like this. I'm a control freak. I'm a fixer, you know. And so whenever there's something going on that I can't fix. Right. It does, it sends me into a state of fear, like, how is this going to turn out? And we always have to remember that God sees things we don't. There's stuff going on in the background that we don't see, and he does, and so who better to trust? Because I'd like to think I'm the best fixer, but I'm not, you know? God is just so awesome. Absolutely. Well, and I love that both of you brought up the word trust because as I was thinking about fear this morning, to me, one of the other opposites of fear is trust. Because if our trust is in the Lord, then we can do things that we wouldn't normally be able to do in our own strength. And part of the meaning of that word trust means to attach oneself. So I can either attach myself to fear or I can attach myself to who I am in the Lord. And so going back to the story of David, one of the reasons why he could trust the Lord to help him in facing the giant was because he had faced the bear and he had faced the lion. And so I think it's important for us to remember when we're in a moment of fear, like what has the Lord done in the past for me? And so then it kind of like I start preaching to myself a little bit, right? Or I start encouraging myself. And it talks in the Psalms about how David knew how to encourage himself in the Lord. And that word encourage is to infuse with courage. So when we're faced with fear, one of the things we can do is help stop the self-talk of fear and begin to rehearse the very things that the Lord has done for us in the past. And all of a sudden we're like, oh, he's done this. I can face this because I am attaching myself to the Lord and to his goodness. And I'm no longer going to attach myself to fear. Does that make sense? That is good. And you know, there's a great example in my life of that. It's a long story so I'll shorten it, but we went to Haiti on missions and my son, we hiked six hours up a mountain. And at the end of this meeting that we had, they gave an altar call. My son came up and said, Mom, I don't feel well. turned out he had a fever so high, where up there they had let the mules go. So I saw my son put on a stretcher in the dark, and the indigenous people started literally in the dark running down this mountain with my son. If you ever felt helpless, that's the moment. He's sick and close to death, and he's gone. And I think, God, where are you? And you can actually, I cried it out. But we started hiking after them, and then our leader fell sick. And I was like, what do we do? And he said, you know, you're his mom. You can choose what you're going to do. And I was so overwhelmed. You know, it was an hour after we'd been praying for him. I sat on the edge of the mountain, sobbing. But what you were saying before is, God wants to be reminded of his word and of his promises. I sat on through sobbing, through tears, just quoting scripture. God, you promised me this. You promised me this. You promised me this. And the last thing that I said was, whatever is bound on earth is bound in heaven. Whatever is loosed on earth is loosed in heaven. Kid you not, a minute later, the mule shows up. And so our leader got on. And right after that, our interpreter saw a light down the mountain and he called out. And they said, your son's fever broke. He's up and going to the bathroom. Wow. And so, you know, if ever there's a fearful moment, it's when your child's life is on the line. And that's so good. In the middle of that, my son, my son sat up and he goes, Debra, you chose the wrong kid because I'm coming back with a testimony. Wow. And that is the calling on his life. And I thought, you know, God did not let him die. You know, and what that taught me was that no matter what's going on, we don't have control. We never have control, even we have this false sense of it. Right. But God is always control and he's there and he wants more for our children and for us than we do for ourselves. You know? But even as a good dad, he will also allow us, if we're not going to give him control, he's not going to take it. That's true. I have to release it. And I'm reminded from what both of you are saying, just the importance of community. Where is your community in your fears? You know, are you helping me even, you know, reminding myself, you know, you've been here before. You know, reminding me, what has the Lord done for me before? So I think it's really important and scripture talks about how God guides the humble. And for me to humble myself and tell you I am so scared. I don't know that I am going to make it. Then you remind me of what the word says. So I think fear brings us also to a place of isolation that says I'm the only one. you don't understand. I'm the only one who has been here. And I don't think you will ever understand. And that's that place where the enemy really likes to isolate us to the place where we don't think we're worthy of help. We don't think anybody can help us. We don't think anybody cares. We don't think God cares anymore. And that is not true. That is a lie. So even having community around us, that really reminds us. You know, and sometimes Carrie has said... Put on your boots, let's go. You're not going to stay there. Or it's okay. It is okay to cry. I am sorry with you. And it's having a friend that I can cry with. She doesn't have answers, but she knows the one who does. It's true. So just the delight of even confessing where we're really at. And even in coaching, what I found that is when people open up and really share their feelings, that causes the other person to lean in and say, you know what? I've been there. You're not alone. And what can we do to help you move and get to the next place? That's good. And really that next place is trusting the Lord. Even when I don't think I can, that's where faith is. Faith is believing and trusting is letting go. And that's what God is calling to us even today. That's true. And it's so easy, you were talking about how you get into this rhythm of yourself, you know, to wallow in almost what becomes self-pity. You know, and you lose hopelessness. You know, you lose hope and you lose that. So just to have the accountability of someone, like you said, you're not alone. Right. I'm here for you no matter what. And to remind you that God's there because it is easy to be self-focused. And having life-giving friends. Yes. Because if I complain and I grumble, boy, that brings a whole, you know, and people, a lot of people are attracted to that. Oh, yeah, well, this is my story. Right. And it ends up being, you know, really a self-pity fest where as much as I appreciate the rawness, I end up not being encouraged and feeling worse about myself because there's no hope. And we all need hope. And speaking, like you were saying earlier, just what we speak, you know, and to put scriptures up. Like that's what I, that's what Haiti taught me was what we speak is so important. I could have said, my son's dying. Right. But I didn't. You know, God wants to hear his word. So when you get in that state of hopelessness, remember, put those scriptures that God is our hope. You know, and he is. But the things that you can not just see, but speak. Right. And you were talking about that earlier. Absolutely. And one of the things, too, that I feel like really brings fear is I think someone brought up isolation. And when we feel alone, you know how you can have the courage to to do something because somebody is with you. Right. Or you're, you're not, and we know that we're not alone. And so, you know, what does Jesus say? I mean, some of his last words were fear not, you know, don't be afraid. I am with you. I, and he, he actually said, it's better that I, that I go back to the father so that I can send the Holy spirit. So when we ask the Lord. Yeah. to be the Lord of our lives, the Holy Spirit takes up residence within us. We're never alone. So even when we feel alone, we're not our feelings. Even when we hear words that you're all alone, the lies from the enemy, nobody loves you, nobody cares, you're all alone, we're never alone. We're never alone. I read a story of somebody who was actually in isolation, you know, imprisoned wrongly and was in isolation. And, you know, it ended up being the most beautiful time because it was just like all they had was Jesus, you know. And really at the end of the day, We will stand before the Lord and we will not be alone. And now we're not alone. We're with the Lord. And so no matter what the enemy wants to bring against us with those feelings of I'm all alone, it's we're not alone. No, we're not. You know, and there's another kind of fear. And I've dealt with this. We were talking about my whole life is a fear of people. You know, and just like it's things that you think you might get over. And I love the analogy that you gave. So my whole life, I was afraid of people. I was criticized and was in abusive relationships. my self-image was horrible. I couldn't speak up, I couldn't tell people no. And so, and I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who deal with the same thing. And I got to a point where I thought I had dealt with it a couple years ago. You know, I realized that that's what triggered my whole life, triggered all the things that happened. And I thought, oh, I'm over it, because I recognized it. But you brought up a good point. So I just want you to tell about the analogy of the glass. Yes. So when I was little, I stepped on some glass, walking around barefoot, which you never should do, and stepped on some glass. And my dad kind of did, you know, a little surgery on my foot and a big chunk of glass came out. And so, I mean, I was able to get up and walk and things were fine. We bandaged it up. Well, about two weeks later, the pain... Pain started in my heel. And wouldn't you know that there had been a sliver of glass that was up really high in my foot and had come back down. And so, you know, Dean and I were talking how sometimes we're triggered by something. And we think, well, wait a second. I'm not a fearful person anymore. I've dealt with this. But a little trigger comes up. And so what we can do with that little trigger is all of a sudden we can go down this long road of fear again. Or this trigger comes up and we can say, Lord, take this splinter out. Yes. It hurts. I don't like it. And I don't want any infection to come. And so it's not the big chunk anymore. We've taken care of that chunk of fear, but triggers come and life happens and those little fears can come up. And we don't want those because a bunch of little things can end up into something big. And so I love how Jesus just comes and he'll just take that sliver out and it just feels so much better. And there's so much freedom walking in that. And because fear is bondage, right? And when we can trust him, there is such freedom and joy in trusting him. That's good. And it is hard to think of God with you because he's not in person. Yes. You know, but you hear so many stories that aren't stories. It's truth where people, angels have appeared. And people see the angels. To see in the spiritual realm. If we could just see it with our eyes. How much easier it would be to say that. But God is always there. And it's so comforting. I love that. And even how he just calls us to a daily surrender of fear. Every day. And even being proactive in... Living in Lord help me walk in the fear of the Lord. You know that I want that to be in my morning. You know part of my even waking up I'm really working on being grateful and having gratitude in my life. But also implementing Lord help me be aware of the fear of man. or living in fear versus a fear of the Lord and being very mindful of that so that I can be aware of those little pieces of glass. Yeah, absolutely. And I think one of the things that people can fear a lot as well is death. You know, the fear of death. And I love how in the book of John, I believe it says, perfect love casts out all fear. So when we know and we can grasp the perfect love of the Father that he sent his only son for us, right? He gave it all so that we could have life. And so even when faced with death, I think of the story of Stephen in the Bible. And when he was being stoned, he saw Jesus stoned. standing, standing and welcoming him home. And so even in death, we're not alone. There is so, so it's almost like, we're like, yeah, really, is that all you have in me? Because even in death, even in death, Jesus carries me home and it is life to life, life to life. And so it's, it's just, I think even beautiful to just say, I will not fear death because Jesus is always with me. And we will not fear anything. Amen. I mean, you think about how powerful God is. have no reason to fear if we're walking in line with God and His Word, we're protected. Yes. So, alright, so let's tell our audience if we summarize everything we just talked about, we know there's different fears and it can be different for every person, but there's one answer and that's God. Yes. What are the practical steps do you think? We talked about confessing God's Word, about putting scriptures up to remind yourself, and then you talked about Just confiding in a friend. In a friend. Keeping community. Yes. Being real. Yeah. And an encouraging friend. Right. You know, a godly friend. Yeah. And then rehearsing what God's done for us in the past. Mm-hmm. Because, again, that brings courage to us to be reminded. I mean, think about how the Israelites had to set up stones of remembrance, right? Because we so easily forget. Mm-hmm. And we have to remind ourselves of all that the Lord's done for us so that when we're faced with something else, we can just we can say, oh, yeah, but this is what my God did. Then this is what my God did. This is what my God did. This is what my God did. So he will be with me in this. And just even recognizing that there are two fears. There's a fear. of walking in the fear of man or a fear of God. And really we have a daily choice of what is the right fear. And even who do I want to be? I want to be a woman who fears the Lord, not fears other people. Or I don't want to be known as somebody who walks in fear. So being intentional with implementing, like you said, the steps so that I can become, not arrived, you know, we're all in process. And it is a daily choice. It is. And I think the last thing would be just perspective. You have the ability to change your perspective in any situation. So don't concentrate on the fear. Concentrate on the God, on the resolution that he will bring. and trust his plan right you know that's hard sometimes we want it our way and God doesn't answer it our way but yeah is there anything you guys would like to say to our audience specifically just to encourage them or any last last things you'd like to add? We believe in you. We believe that you can be a woman who walks in the fear of the Lord. Yes. And even taking a couple of practical steps of finding scripture of what that looks like and the ones that really grab your heart and putting them on your mirror or in your car and speaking that over yourself. That's good. Carrie? And I just want to remind you, those of you who are listening, if God has the very hairs of your head numbered, it says that in Scripture. If he cares about, look at these three heads of hair here. If he has all of those numbered, how much more does he care about your circumstance and what you're going through? Because hair is here today, gone tomorrow, right? But your life matters. And so be in awe of the God who has your hair numbered and the God who knows the stars by name. Don't be in awe. of the giants and the circumstances facing you. Be in awe of Jesus. Right. Those are good. Those are good. Well, God is always with you. And if we could stress anything over and over again, it's just that you are not alone. And you do have the power to choose your perspective, you know, and just to keep your eyes on God. Christ, because he's always there. Well, thank you all for joining us. If you'd like to get more involved in our community, you can find us online at iRefresh.net. You can connect with us on Facebook and Instagram, and be sure to subscribe to our podcasts. I think they're available on any of the podcast services. So until next time, go change your world.