EP 13 Hope in the Midst of Loss - Carrie Kittinger

After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome to iRefresh, where we empower ordinary women to do extraordinary things through power of prayer and encouragement. And today I'm so ecstatic because I have a long time friend, Carrie Kinninger with me. Hello. Thank you for joining us. I am so glad to be here, Cheryl. I love your new studio. It's beautiful. We're having a lot of fun. We're learning every time we're here. One of the things I find is, in even doing this, that sometimes I get a little bit nervous, but then I'm like, if we just had some fun questions, it kind of helps to loosen me up. Absolutely. And it's fun to get to know, I know you, but it'd be great for our friends out here to get to know you. So I'm going to just throw out a bunch of questions, and let's see what, I mean, no right or wrong answer, but they're kind of fun. Love it. Okay, so what's your favorite dessert? Anything chocolate, right? I'm a woman. All right. How about a favorite drink? Favorite drink, coffee in the morning. Okay. A Coke if I'm treating myself in the afternoon. Regular Coke, not Diet Coke. Okay, so Coke or Pepsi then? Coke. Okay, all right. All right. If Hulu or Netflix? Netflix. All right. Would you rather binge watch movies or go out with friends to a movie? Oh, that's a hard one. Probably binge watch movies. Okay. With a friend. With a friend. Okay, there we go. All right. Do you have a nickname? Care Bearer. Care Bear, I love that. Oh my goodness, that's great old memories. Oh my goodness. Okay, do you have a funny habit? I would say a funny habit is every once in a while if something reminds me of a song, I'll break out in song, just like a little quote from a song. I love it, that's great. It can be embarrassing at times. Probably for your kids. Exactly. Yes. All right. And then, okay, a couple more. We'll just do, let's see, text or FaceTime? Text. You never know what you're looking like. So text. What's the best compliment that you can recall? Oh, the best compliment. I'm going to get deep on you here. Was when I hadn't seen someone in about 15 years. And I was on a missions trip. And he was the interpreter on the trip. Okay. And I didn't know he was going to be there. And he had been on my brother wing in college. Okay. And he said, you have changed so much just in your depth and your love for the Lord. That was, I could go to my grave with that. That was the best compliment. And that was probably 15 years ago and it still just rings in me. Something that you and I have conversed with and as in the last few years, have you really gone through a lot of a lot of transition in your family and maybe even some friends, but I know definitely your family. And I just thought, you know, in the midst of everything you've walked through, one thing I know, one is you're a woman of the Word of God and that you always go to the Word and find your hope in what God has to say and leaning into His promises. And I would love for you just to be able to share from your heart of just things that you feel comfortable in sharing about what you've walked through and how God has helped you in that place where you've needed to, like, my hope is in you, Lord. But how did you do it? And, like, what has He been showing you through your journey? Oh that's a loaded question Cheryl but I love it. As you know I mean I was a I think growing up as a little girl I wanted to be a mom and a wife and I have just had a wonderful time raising my kids and so in the middle of a lot of things that we've gone through as a family, I also was transitioning to empty nest. And so that there was just a real change because I had given everything to my kids and, and I don't regret it. And all the while doing a lot of things that the Lord had drawn me to do, but my main focus was being, being there for my children. And so in the midst losing a nephew to ALS, losing my sister-in-law two years later to ALS, helping a loved one through a very, very difficult divorce, helping a loved one through a broken engagement. I mean, it just, the list just, we'd come up for air and the list would go on. And all the while, my husband thought it was a great idea for us to build a house. So we built a house in the midst of all this. And we were, we moved, we didn't move, my parents were wonderful, but we moved my parents who were in their seventies to, to be closer to us and was helping Danny's mom through things. So, I mean, we just had it going on all angles. And I have to say that what kept me grounded was staying in the Word and in prayer. But I will also say my foundation is firm, but the storm was there. And so in the storm, the rains come, The floods come, the winds come, and so when you're in the midst of a storm, you know you're safe, but you still feel the effects of it. So I would have to say that where my hope at some times was not damaged isn't the word, but tested. was when I could feel the storm. Because the Lord doesn't take that away, right? So in the midst of that, it was just going, do I believe that He's true? Do I believe that His word is true? I know His word, but do I believe that it is true today, even though I feel the effects of the storm? It sounds like the testing. So like when you discovered when your sister-in-law had passed away. And yet I know, because we prayed along with you. Yes, you did. And there was such a hope of knowing that we know that God is our healer. Amen. But what goes in your mind? Because so many of us, we're in different facets of our life with loved ones that are walking through with people that have even been sick or right now are sick. What do you say to them when you're walking through with someone that's going through something so difficult? Sometimes it comes out great, and sometimes it doesn't come out the way we... hope that God would answer our prayer. What do you feel like that would encourage someone of what you walked through and how did you process it? Well, think about what I'm, the thought that's coming to me, Cheryl, is when you're in an airplane and they, you know, we, of course, we tune this out, right? When they tell you all the different things that you need to do in case you're in a, in the one that I always like, it's like, in case there's a water evacuation, like, oh dear Lord, please no. Right. But when those, they say when those masks come down, what do you do? You're to put it on yourself first before you can help anybody else. And so I think a lot of times we get ourselves into trouble when we show up to quote unquote, help somebody. and we're empty ourselves because when we're empty ourselves then what we're doing is we're giving them ourselves but we're giving them even an empty version of ourselves right but when i'm filling up or you're filling up on the lord and we can come with a full heart knowing that god is good even in the midst of the storm even in the midst of the difficulty then what comes out of me is fullness instead of like I'm scrapping for something here. Right? And so I think even the importance of knowing that I've got to keep filling up with my, filling, not with myself, filling myself up with the word of the Lord, with the hope of the Lord, with the promises of the Lord, because then that's what's going to be, when I'm squeezed in a difficult moment, then that's going to be coming out rather than bitterness or hopelessness. So really the key for you is that you've been faithful in God's Word. I mean it's not like just on Sundays or a couple times a week, but you have made a point of saying, Yes God, daily. So that when you really need to pull on Him for strength, You've already had the Word becomes active and alive in you because you've already been focusing on what He says about His Word. So I can only imagine the scriptures that have been coming out of you at different points in your life of whenever you're struggling with something that He prompts you with His Word. Yes. Amen. Well, I was thinking this morning of the verse in Proverbs that says, Hope deferred. makes the heart sick. And so I thought about, for some reason, the thought came to me that when I'm in the backseat of a car on a road trip, I get carsick. And so the key to that, if you've ever done this before, is to keep your eyes straight ahead on the road, not to be looking to the side, not to be, you know, looking or reading in front of you, but to be looking straight ahead. And so I think sometimes when we find ourselves heart sick, our eyes have been on the things of the world or on our circumstances rather than on the Lord. And I know that sounds cheesy. I know that sounds like, okay, that's what everybody says. But really, when our eyes are on the Lord, in the midst of the waves, in the midst of the storm, we can have a levelness to us and a steadiness to us. But when we start freaking out it's when we start feeling the effects of those waves and of the storm. And so really, I think the most important thing is being in the Word, but not this legalistic, like, I'm the head, not the tail. And it's true. We are the head, not the tail. But we also are in this world, and we go through difficult things. And so some of the passages that were the most real to me during those times came from Psalms. When like David would say, why have you forsaken me? My God, my God, where are you? And one of the Psalms says, how long, O Lord? And that's four times in the same song. How long, O Lord? But then he always wraps it back up with like, I know that you are God. I know that you are with me. And so I think even being honest, And not just quoting these verses, but being honest with the Lord and then coming back to the truth of who he is in the midst of the storm. Well, you've experienced it. My mother, Psalms were her favorite and my great-grandmother. And I've realized... You have such a legacy, Cheryl. I do, because I realize even when my grandmother, great-grandmother, was on her deathbed, basically, is the one thing that was her nuggets of truth that I saw on my mother was those psalms. Yes. And you realize now, when David was so desperate at different points, you're like... I get that now. Right. I get why he was longing, like, where are you, God? You know, my enemies are around me, but where are you? Yes. And I think, you know, realizing that those really become so much more meaningful when you begin to walk through something and you feel the attacks of the world around us. Yes. Yes. That we really do find that... God's word becomes so much more real. Like it's really like I get this now. Yes. So often when I've gone through scriptures, like I know it's familiar, but now like I know. Amen. I know a scripture because now I'm living out his word. And yet there's the promises of his word. And I agree with you, too, about how it's important for us to recognize to be real. Yes. To be authentic because we have examples in the Scripture. Nobody wants the, hey, if you do exactly what I've done, you, too, can look just like me. You know, it's like... It's not true. It's not. And, you know, I think we think... that everybody's stories should just line up and put this perfect bow and this perfect package. And you know what? We've all heard it said, there's nobody else like me in the world. There's nobody else like you. There's nobody else like my husband. So our marriage is not gonna look like anybody else's marriage. And so yes, there are standards And yes, there is the fruit of the Spirit and all that, but God is a big God and He will not be put in a box. And so it's amazing through life, maybe what worked at one point, we wanted to say, okay, this is exactly what I'll do. And everything will turn out exactly like it did then. And the only formula is Jesus. The only formula is our eyes on Him. The only formula is that we know He's with us in the storm. But each storm, the wind could be coming from a different angle. We could be in a different sized boat or different people around us. And so it's. there's just not a formula is there cheryl oh my goodness you know it's true because you're sometimes you know you're like okay you're always trying to prepare yourself if you're always in the word because but then you never know like sometimes you feel like you can handle that you have the grace for it there's certain days you're like I got this at the help of the Lord. I know, you know his strength. It's like he's right there. It's almost like he gives you that measure of faith or grace in the midst of what you walk through. And then other days like, wow, why is this day seems so difficult? That's so true. And it might not be as even as heavy of circumstances, but yet there's sometimes you just have to go back and I'm like, God, no matter what. Amen. You know, I know that God, you promised to me. And I love how you have always been one who always goes to the word. It is like so in you and it flows out of you richly. I think it's because I really, I, outside of God's word, I am not a woman. I'm not a smart woman. I'm not a woman with a lot of wisdom. I need him. And so I think there's, there's something beautiful about that, right? It talks in the Bible about the disciples being unschooled, ordinary men, but yet they were filled with the Holy Spirit. And so I want to be a woman that leads people to Jesus because really at the end of the How about being a friend like in the story in the Bible where those friends made it away from the roof and dropped their friend down to Jesus? It was like they knew where to get their friend. I think we put pressure on ourselves to have just the perfect answer for somebody. And sometimes just sitting with somebody, just saying, hey, would you like me to read a psalm to you? Or when my sister-in-law was on her deathbed, I mean, we sang hymns and we sang worship songs. That was so comforting to her. And it was comforting to us. And, you know, the Bible says, precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of his saints. And, you know, we don't want to preach that because we want life. And you know, even passing from death to life, there's eternal life. I mean, she did not go from life to death. She went from life to life, Cheryl. And so I think the most profound thing that my husband said to his sister, her birthday was just a few months before she passed away. And he said, Cindy, you're going to have the most exciting year of your life. The Lord is either going to miraculously heal you, or you're going to see him face to face. And you know what? They're both win-win. Like Paul said, to live is Christ and to die is gain. And so sometimes I think when we're in that storm, some people can come with their little... Phrases of faith and it can sometimes wound or hurt because if you've not walked a mile in my shoes, but you know who has? Jesus has. Right. He was familiar with suffering. He was familiar with joy. He was familiar with friendship and he was familiar with pain and he knew that he could do nothing outside of the Father. And so I love that Jesus walked in our shoes so we can say, Lord, you've, you've, you've Prepare the way for me. I can do this. I can follow you because you've been here before. I think it's so critical that we really recognize that the Holy Spirit's there to comfort us and helps us. The profound statements that you made to Cindy and your husband, I mean, it really truly is. We're just stepping into glory. Yes, amen. And when we recognize that's your reward, and that you fulfilled all that God calls you to do here on this earth. That's a joy because I had that happen and watching a dear friend from our college too. We sang over her. I got to sing with her parents over her. Beautiful. And watch how God lovingly brought such a peace in the room and that he changed the atmosphere in that room. That it was so, it was such a precious time. I felt like it was something that was more even for them to find peace of knowing their daughter is getting ready to meet Jesus. And what a comfort that is. And what, it does give us hope of knowing that there's no more suffering. And there's another step of walking into glory and knowing they are pain free. Yes. And that he helps us walk through that transition though. And I think that's the beauty of the legacy, you know, that your family has been able to do. Yes. And yet there are good stories too, even with your daughter. Oh my goodness. Yes. Tell about your, about Kelly. Okay. So, uh, and Cheryl, I think you, you did tape her testimony at one point, but when my, our daughter Kelly was 11 years old and she's 22 now, but, um, she had a cancerous nodule on her thyroid and And so she had to have a complete thyroid removal. But you know what? The Lord was with her every step of the way. She's cancer-free. She's 22. She's beautiful. And she's got a testimony of the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. And so I think that's one of those things where we go, I saw the Lord move in mighty ways in Kelly's life, and I saw the Lord move in mighty ways in Cindy's life. God was still the same God with us through both of those scenarios. And we can say to him, Jesus. what you do is good and I can trust you. I can trust you. And in the end, I can tell you what, our loved ones that have gone before us, they're not saying, oh yes, you keep crying, you keep crying. And yes, we do need to cry and we do need to grieve, but they're saying, Go for what Jesus has for you today. Keep going. Keep moving. Don't give up. And that, I think we have to remember that. That it's, that yes, it's not a formula, but yes, we've got life to live. And so there's a time to grieve, there's a time to weep, and there's a time to rejoice, right? I agree. And so to know, to not get stuck in a time, nobody wants to have someone rejoicing, right? when you're in the middle of a funeral or you're in the middle of saying goodbye to a loved one. But yet we need to, there's times to rejoice and not be grieving. And so just, I think for me in this year, it's knowing, Lord, how long do I walk this road of maybe remembering and releasing and letting go of some things? And when is it time to just say, alright we're moving on and we're there's there's more to do here that's powerful what a great message i think that it do it is there is a hope in knowing it's the same god it's the same word and everything that we walk through he is god he's consistent and he loves all of them the same he loves each one of us the same he loves kelly he loves cindy he loves each one of our family our loved ones and and yet it's a different result sometimes in our own mind's eye. Right. They both received healing. Amen. It's just not in the version that we anticipated or what we planned in our own mind. Right. Right. And I think if you just didn't share and just encouraging people, what would you want to leave as far as a nugget for our people that are listening that... what it is that they can anchor their hope in when they're going through difficult times. Cheryl, I love that you reminded me of that. Hope as an anchor, it's an anchor. You know, an anchor has a weight to it. And who wants to hold on? I mean, we're not gonna hold on to a little helium balloon and think we're gonna be okay, right? I mean, if we're in the middle of a storm, we're in Tornado Alley here, right, in Tulsa. We have a storm shelter and we're gonna, I mean, we wanna hang on to something in the middle of a storm. Don't you love? that Jesus is that hope for us. And I think that's where we can get off base, even as people that we know the truth, we know the word, but sometimes our hope is actually built on something else. And I'm to blame just as much. And I think of that song, our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. Ladies, can I be honest with you today? There's been times that my hope has been built on circumstances and not on Jesus. And so if we can just narrow it down to say, my hope is built on Jesus. And I'm planted on the rock of his salvation. And so in the midst of the storm, we can be anchored. We may not know how it's going to end in this life, but we know how it's gonna end in eternity. And we have to remember that we know the end of the story, right? You referenced before, no more tears, no more sorrow, no more sickness, no more pain, no more disappointing texts coming through or rumors of wars or whatever. There will be a day when all will be well. And until that time, we can still know that it's well with our souls in the middle of the storm because we're anchored to the Lord. And I know that just sounds like, oh, yes, yes, yes. But ladies, I'm telling you, when you're in the middle of a storm, and I've been in the middle of a storm these last couple years, and I am standing today and I am with you today because of the anchor of Jesus and not because of who I am. And I'll tell you what, the other thing that is so important is staying connected to community. We need one another. And you've been such a great example of that, Cheryl. And I love how you like to bring people together. You like to bring people in to share the testimony of what is the Lord doing. And you do such a great job at that. And we need that. We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. And hearing other people's testimonies encourages me. Okay, if they could make it through that, I can make it through this and that is what is just so important. So I think that hope is the anchor and then the community of believers around us to encourage us and to remind us you've got this. Keep going. Don't give up. Right? What a great word. I mean I hope that you will know just the heart of Carrie and you really need to look her up on her. I'm her website at kerrykittinger.com. She is always sharing, get involved in following her and her social media because it's a daily, using the word of God to encourage and motivate you to get through your day. Always refreshing word that is just in right season. And so I'm so grateful for your word. And we also want to make sure that as you're following her as well, be sure to subscribe to our podcast so you can hear more amazing stories like Carrie's. And make sure you follow us on Facebook, like us, and we would love to hear from you. I'm sure you have some incredible stories about how you've been overcoming and walking into the place God's called you to be. Until then, go change your world. We are glad you tuned in. Join the iRefresh community by subscribing to podcasts and following us on social media. You can go to iRefresh.net for more inspiration.